How does it feel to give birth at any age really? Could you describe birth to someone who hasn’t experienced it and really communicate what it’s like in a way that would make them feel it?

Even if you could, would that birth experience be their birth experience? I’ve given birth twice and I’m not sure there were comparable, even though it was the same hospital, the same vagina.

I was pregnant the first time around when I was just 16 years old and gave birth at 17 and now, aged 42, I often think about the women starting families for the first time. It feels a lifetime away to me. How on earth would I cope with the exhaustion and pain of pregnancy and childbirth now, let alone the sleepless nights and relentless parenting. If there is one perk to having a baby as a teenager it’s that you have a LOT more energy.

Baby Bee

Me and baby Bee

When people find out that I had a baby when I was 17, their first reaction is often ‘that must have been hard’, but honestly, I’m not sure it was. You have an adaptability and resilience when you’re 17, a kind of carelessness almost, like the world is yours for the taking. At 17 I felt invincible, immortal. Nothing much worried me – I just lived. Things happened, I made things happen.

Giving birth as a teenager, I felt like I knew it all. I didn’t really have a plan, I certainly didn’t have a birthing soundtrack or preferred blend of essential oils, but perhaps that worked in my favour? I know a lot of women have births that don’t go according to their ‘plan’ and they end up feeling like they’ve failed somehow.

I was naïve at 17 for sure, unprepared even, but maybe that wasn’t such a bad thing, maybe it allowed me to just go with it, to do whatever needed to be done without self-criticism.

I wonder sometimes if this isn’t just my entire approach to life to be honest.

To give you a little flavour though of what it was actually like for me, giving birth at 17, I’ve reproduced, unedited, my own ‘birth report’ from the time, transferred from the Peter Rabbit notebook I wrote it in 25 years ago. I have shared this before, a long, long time ago, but as you likely haven’t been reading my blog for ten years, I thought it was worth another look. View Post

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When I bought my house three years ago the garden vibe was most definitely ‘abandoned prison yard’ – it was just a square of gravel, weeds growing, fence panels leaning in the breeze.

I had an equally clear vision for what I wanted it to look like – tropical paradise. I talked about it to a friend who has possibly the most tropical paradise of a garden I know, and she sketched me out a plan. I found a landscape gardener and off we went, the garden makeover began.

A couple of months later and I had the beginnings of my dream garden. The plants were a little small – something I hadn’t really considered – but funnily enough they DID grow and now I have a space where I can escape from the world. It’s been an absolute Godsend this year. If I’d not had my own outdoor space during lockdown I think I might possibly have gone mad.

Here are four things I did to turn my garden into a blissful retreat:

Make a plan

It was so helpful for me to have my friend’s sketch as a guide. It kept me focussed on what I really wanted and what was important to me and really helped to create the vision.

garden makeover

Think about your garden all year round

As lovely as it is just to get out the sun lounger at the height of summer and bask in the glory of the sunshine, a garden is for life, not just for Christmas. (That’s the saying right?) Although it might not be as tropical in the winter months, it can still serve as a retreat – think abut your planting and include autumn colour, winter flowering plants and evergreens that will keep the garden looking alive all year round.

Add colour wherever you can

You can add colour to your garden in so many ways, not just through planting. I painted my pergolas a lovely pink for example, which adds a lot of colour to the garden and is a nice contrast to the green. I also picked colourful pots for the patio areas, which means that even in the middle of winter you have colour in the garden.

yellow plant pots

Get comfy

Weirdly for someone who likes lounging about as much as possible, garden furniture was one of the last things I bought. I did have a garden bench, which is still lovely against the back wall of my house as a bit of a suntrap, but it was when I bought the loungers and a little table and chairs that the garden felt like it became a real useable space.

The ultimate dream obviously is an outdoor sofa set. Then I’d be like one of those fancy grown-up people who have a dedicated garden crockery set and entertain in the garden. Although obviously I’d mainly keep the garden sofa for my own personal lounging.

What are the things that you couldn’t do without in your garden?

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Being a mother is as hard as any other job in the world. Taking care of the household and managing kids is a difficult task that is very much underpaid in society. This article will highlight jobs for stay at home moms and explain how they can be executed remotely.

Freelance Writer

The most paying job that can be offered remotely is that of a freelance writer. A freelance writer provides academic and content writing services on a contract basis. If you are a mom and decide to work remotely, becoming a freelance writer is your best option. However, freelance writing demands a particular set of skills that include excellent writing expression and expertise in the language in which the writing is to be done. There are many websites like Fiverr and Upwork that provide job opportunities for a freelance writer. Being a mum, this is the best opportunity because whenever you find time to spare, fire up a laptop, and start writing on the topic asked for. Employers also give a decent amount of money per word to a novice writer.

Moreover, as soon as you improve your writing skills, you can always demand a higher price per page. The people who hire freelance writers are students who lack writing skills and ask people to do my essay for me through these online websites. The best part about being a freelance writer is that the clients give a decent amount of time to complete the work, and a working mother can complete content writing with flexible timing.

Tutor

Another example of a stay at home mom jobs is becoming a tutor. Since the outbreak of COVID-19, the need for online tutors is becoming increasingly high. Parents are becoming more considerate of a child’s health, and they are opting for distant learning modes of education. Being a stay at home mom, tutoring students on apps like Zoom and Microsoft teams can be a rewarding career. Just go online and search for online services that require a tutor. It is necessary to have an area of expertise to start teaching other children. Most of these online tutoring websites demand native English language experts because international students need to learn English to study in foreign universities. Tutoring is one of the most popular works for home jobs for moms. Another major advantage of remote tutoring is that you can set teaching hours according to your will, and the students will come online whenever you require. Make sure that you allocate a time that is feasible to both the student and yourself.

Online Reviewer

Another decent at home jobs for moms include being an online reviewer. An online reviewer does not need any qualification. You only have to conduct a significant amount of research on a particular product and then review a new or existing product. Such jobs can be found on websites like Reviewed and UK Top Writers. An online reviewer’s job is an easy one, and a mother with little or less education can easily dive into this field. However, most importantly, a mom can perform this job with being in the comfort of her home.

Virtual Assistant

There are many good jobs for stay at home moms. However, the job that is in most demand these days is that of a virtual assistant. As the name suggests, a virtual assistant is available online to assist another person or a business. Virtual Assistants mostly have to possess a skillset, but in some cases, people hire them for cold emailing and blog posting. Being a work from home mom, you can always consider being a virtual assistant and work remotely from the comfort of your room. Virtual Assistants are paid by the hour, and they get decent salaries at the end f the month. If you want to apply for a Virtual Assistant Job and lack a great resume, do not worry, we got you covered. There are hundreds of best online resume service that will craft a perfect resume, leaving an excellent first impression in front of the employer.

Website Tester

The job of a website tester is a bland one. While being a stay at home, mom, a website testing job might be the easiest one for you. A website tester only has to go through a website and complete the tasks given. These tasks test a particular website’s working capacity and help the company determine if the website is in optimal condition to function properly. These websites are not live yet, and people pay a website tester to critically become a potential user of the site to point out its shortcoming so that it can be modified and improved. Since the work required for a tester is important, people pay a minimum of 25 dollars per website testing, which takes roughly about 20 minutes or less.

Online Editor

Another well-paid job for a work from home mom is becoming an online editor. This job requires fewer education skills and pays much money. Being an online editor requires some basic knowledge of English, and you can get hired. An online editor has flexible timings, and an employee has to check academic and content writing assignment or pre written essay. Being an online editor, you only have to check for bad grammar and correct it accordingly. This job also has a flexible timing element as a deadline for a minimum of two days is given. It means that a mommy can easily complete the tasks and still have time to spare, not to mention the decent pay she will receive.

Blogger

From all the jobs discussed, my favorite one is becoming a blogger. A blogger is supposed to write content and post it on websites to generate traffic. If a significant amount of traffic is generated in your blogs, the website pays you per click. The best part about this job is the zero time constraint; this makes it ideal for a working mom to start blogging. There is no deadline, and you can easily post material whenever you have the content ready. Do not worry about finding a platform to post blogs. There are hundreds of websites like WordPress and Blogger that provide blogging opportunities for novice writers.

Conclusion

Moms working at home are almost always in need of jobs that they can manage and the kids. The jobs mentioned above are easily accessible, and they have high hiring rates for remote workers. To succeed in a job, focus on one of these jobs, and work hard to find your feet.

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Advertisement feature in association with QV Skincare

My name is Jo, I’m 42 years old and I don’t like washing my hands.

Who am I kidding? I don’t like washing full stop. I don’t like getting wet just to get dry again – where’s the logic in that? – and I don’t like how it dries out my skin and makes it feel all overly smooth and dry to touch like I’m some kind of wizened old lady living in the woods in a house of sticks.

*shudders*

I’ve always been the same. The stories of my Dad having to carry me up the stairs to the bath while I screamed ‘don’t make me do it!’ have been retold to me many a time and I very much believe them. Remember a while ago when I wrote about the research around the average number of showers and baths people have a week? Let’s just say there is someone out there washing a LOT to balance me out.

I do try not to be a complete baby about it though – hand washing is important and although I don’t like it, I know I have to do it.

The other thing that I find impacts the health of my skin is stress. The last few months have been stressful ones for sure and stress has a way of showing itself in our bodies doesn’t it? One way it does this for me is by giving me dry, itchy skin in odd places, like my shins. Sometimes I wake myself up in the night savagely attacking my own shins, which is a lovely thought isn’t it?

To summarise then…

Frequent hand washing + life stress = dry skin desperate for some extra care.

Imagine my joy then, both for the moisturising relief and the perfect timing, when QV Skincare got in touch to see if I’d like to try out some of their products.

QV Skincare offers a range of cleansers and moisturisers designed to help manage dry skin conditions. Dermatologically tested, the QV range is suitable for all ages and skin types including sensitive skin conditions like eczema and psoriasis. The whole range is also free from common irritants such as soap, colour and fragrance which could irritate the skin.

QV Sopa free wash View Post

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Have you ever kept a diary?

I’ve always liked the idea, I’ve just never had the dedication. I’ve written things, on and off, in various notebooks, but not consistently and not for a long time.

The only diary I have is a small, blue Snoopy diary from 1990. I would have been 11 years old at the start of 1990, in my first year of secondary school. I only managed about a month, and the entries are each only a sentence of so long, but I think it gives a valuable insight into who I was as a child and, if I’m honest, who I am now.

January 24th for example – I can still remember the annoyance and injustice I felt when I discovered Vicky hadn’t done any work on that hat. In Vicky’s defence she wasn’t the brightest button in the sewing box and I’d been away the lesson before with some kind of undefined illness, (my attendance record at secondary school was poor, mainly due to my mum quite liking the company I think). I’m guessing she felt a bit overwhelmed by my complicated fruit design. (Vicky not my mum.)

I love the simplicity of my 11 year old mind though. ‘Went to town in the rain so I bought an umbrella.’ OF COURSE! Why would you not buy an umbrella? So obvious, so straightforward. Bish bash bosh, life done for the day.

I think you can get a sense though of why I didn’t have many friends. I was an acquired taste for sure. I don’t remember the French spelling test but if I close my eyes and imagine it I can conjure up a little surge of adrenalin at getting full marks.

For a long time I thought on and off about how cool it would be to go back and do school again, knowing everything I know now, but honestly, I don’t think I would change it. I may not have been popular, but I was authentic. If Instagram had been around in 1990 I could have been the poster girl for living as your true self and that has to be the best foundation for anything doesn’t it? You can only be yourself.

Here’s a little insight then into how my brain works. You’re welcome.

… View Post

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Over the last couple of weeks I’ve been making more and more of an effort to be creative. I know that when I feel stressed or overwhelmed, my ability to be creative is one of the first things to suffer, which is ironic given that being creative is actually one of the things that helps the most.

One of the things I find hardest when I’m trying to get the creative juices flowing is knowing where and how to start, so I’ve put together a few ideas, all very accessible, to get you over that first creativity hurdle. Here are five ideas to help kickstart your creativity:

Free writing

This one is ideal for budding writers who find themselves staring at a blank page and couldn’t be simpler because all you need is a pen and paper and BOOM, off you go. Don’t think about it at all, just literally start writing and don’t stop. It could be about anything at all, just let the words flow from your head onto the paper and try not to overthink them.

You might want to set a timer and write non-stop for 10 minutes or so, or aim to fill a certain amount of space, it doesn’t really matter. The important thing is just putting pen to paper.

Sketching

I had a really lovely half hour last weekend where I took a sketchbook and pencil into the garden and just started drawing. I only drew a bit of twig from an oak tree with some leaves attached, and I’m pretty sure it wasn’t exhibition worthy, but it was completely absorbing, and for that thirty minutes I really didn’t think about anything else.

Be gentle on yourself with this one, and try not to be critical. It’s all about warming up your creative brain, not creating a masterpiece.

Upholstery

This sounds challenging but can actually be as simple as covering some dining chairs with some scraps of fabric and a staple gun. When I was poor and in my early twenties I had a bit of a thing about buying those old loom ottomans and spray painting them in bright colours and reupholstering the tops. It was a really cheap and easy thing to do but they were brilliant as toy chests, for clothes and bedding and towels.

If you fancy having a play with fabric, just find an upholstery fabrics retailer online and let your creative juices flow! View Post

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Advertisement feature in partnership with tlevels.gov.uk

What did you want to be when you grew up?

Maybe you had a clear idea and knew exactly the path to follow, or perhaps you didn’t have much of a clue or felt uninspired by the choices available to you post-16?

Here’s me, still thinking about it. 42 isn’t too old right? There’s still time to decide? (Fingers crossed.)

T Levels

When I was making my choices post GCSE I didn’t really feel like it WAS much of a choice to be honest, you just picked the three A Levels that you thought you might enjoy the most and got on with it – French, German and maths in my case. I didn’t choose my A Levels with a particular career in mind and they didn’t offer me any opportunities to gain any real world experience or practical skills that employers might need, unless I was looking for a job where I had to give a three minute presentation about Francois Mitterrand, which seems unlikely.

At the time though it felt like A Levels were the only option.

Not any more.

Teenagers finishing their GCSEs nowadays have more options than ever before, (something I’m not sure I appreciated when Bee was 16, which I wrote about here), from more and more A Level subjects through to apprenticeships and vocational qualifications. As of this September there’s a brand new kid on campus too – T Levels.

If you have a child currently studying for GCSEs then you’re going to want to know about T Levels, so I’m here to answer some of your questions. View Post

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Advertisement feature in association with ARK Skincare

I feel like the world is divided into two different types of people.

The first type – me – buys whatever shampoo is on special offer, slaps on a bit of moisturiser as a ‘skincare routine’ and considers scrapping a bit of dead skin off her feet with her fingernails in the bath a pedicure.

(Sorry.)

And then there’s the second type, (the non-grotty type), who actually takes a bit of care of themselves. The type of person, like Belle, who puts thought into what they put on their skin and loves nothing more than spending an evening giving me a top notch makeover.

ARK night cream

ARK Skincare

IMAGINE MY SURPRISE then, when a year or so ago I discovered a skincare range that I loved so much that I went out of my way to get more of it, even if it wasn’t on a half price offer.

I know! Me! The ‘feet in the bath’ woman!

This amazing ‘skincare range that makes me care about my skin’ is ARK, a vegan-friendly, cruelty free range especially developed to support skin at different stages of its life, with individual ranges for teens and 20s, 30s and 40s and 50+ skin. You can also shop by skin concern if you prefer, so if you struggle particularly with redness, sensitivity, oiliness, or anything like that, there’s a product for you. View Post

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Finding the right therapist is a bit like finding the right partner – it might not always be easy, but the right person can make such a difference. Finding a therapist that you trust is crucial to making therapy work for you as they can help you open up and work through your problems.

If you don’t like your therapist, or just don’t feel like you gel with them, then it makes the process of therapy that bit trickier as you may feel like you can never really let your guard down, or like they don’t get you and so don’t know what’s best for you.

So how do you find the best therapist for you?

Unfortunately there is no hard and fast rule to help you pick a good therapist – sometimes you have to take a suck it and see approach – but there are definitely things to keep in mind that will help.

Face to face or online therapy?

With the current restrictions in place due to coronavirus, more and more people are having to look for therapy online as an alternative to meeting someone face to face. While it can be harder to develop a relationship as quickly this way there are certainly benefits, especially if you feel uncomfortable about leaving the house or are restricted by family or work commitments.

A service like BetterHelp might be a good option if you are looking for online therapy as they offer a mix of support via text message, phone and video calls. Find out more about what they do here: https://www.betterhelp.com/start/.

Ask friends for recommendations

I’ve certainly used recommendations from friends before when looking for a therapist, especially if the friend has a similar approach to life or way of thinking to me, as this can mean we would be looking for similar things in a therapist. Just like if you’re looking for a plumber or builder, don’t be afraid to ask for referrals or to read reviews.

Have an exploratory meeting before you commit

Most therapists will let you have an initial consultation, often at a lower price or for free, before you commit to an ongoing relationship. Partly this is for them to gauge whether or not they are the right person to help you, but also so that you can get a sense of them and how they work. Use this opportunity to ask questions and help you get a feel for your potential new therapist.

Don’t be afraid to call it quits

If you’ve given therapy a decent go and you’re still not feeling the love for your therapist then that’s okay. Just like dating it can take time sometimes to know if someone is right for you and if you genuinely feel like it’s not the right person for you then it’s much better to be honest.

BetterHelp understands this and offers the option to switch therapists if you find that your initial match doesn’t suit you.

What do you look for in a good therapist? What are your top tips for making therapy work for you?

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Okay, that sounds a bit strict – ‘need therapy’ is perhaps not the expression. Benefit from therapy perhaps? Because to be honest I’m sure plenty of us could benefit from therapy now and again. Despite what it said in this awful self-help book, I don’t think depression is ‘comfortable’ and I don’t think anyone should feel ashamed about getting help with difficult feelings or situations.

I’ve had at least half a dozen batches of therapy over the years, all at times in my life where I’ve felt the need of some outside support. It’s always been beneficial, whether it’s just somewhere to go for an hour a week to cry and offload, or to help me focus on more specific outcomes.

I’ve been considering therapy again recently and have been trying to think about the triggers that make me realise it’s something I could benefit from, in the hope that it might help other people to recognise when it might be a good time to find a therapist. If you’re worried about the impact of coronavirus on therapy, don’t be – there are plenty of great online therapy services like BetterHelp that can offer support via text messages, phone and video calls.

For me personally, these are four of the key signs that I need therapy:

I feel overwhelmed over a long period of time

Overwhelm is one of the key signs for me that I need some extra support or to offload some worries. As a single parent particularly this is a biggie as you don’t have another adult around to share responsibility with – all of the parenting decisions are down to you. All of the care is down to you. It’s okay if this feels a bit much on certain days, but if this goes on for a period of time it can really get me down.

I’m reluctant to talk to friends or family

This can be a subtler one, but if I find myself withdrawing from loved ones it’s often because subliminally I feel like I’ve already put too much on them and that they won’t want to hear me moaning anymore. Often this means I see less of people, for fear that I’ll bring too much negative energy to a meet up.

When I start to feel like I’m putting too much pressure on others, it’s a sure sign I could benefit from having an outsider to share my feelings with instead.

I lose motivation for the things I normally love

It’s so sad isn’t it when the things that normally bring you joy just don’t? If I’m out for brunch and the poached eggs aren’t doing anything to lift my spirits then I know something is wrong. I can also find I lose motivation for things generally, like work or taking care of the house.

I feel trapped

I think this is part of the feeling of overwhelm, but it’s a general feeling of being stuck in a certain situation or trapped by circumstances that feel outside of my control. Often this manifests itself as resentment towards whoever or whatever I feel is trapping me, and an urge to run away. Coronavirus has brought out a lot of these feelings for me, making me feel restricted and under pressure.

I recently spent quite a long time thinking about the logistics of going off grid and becoming untraceable, which is absolutely a sign that I could do with some therapy, or at least a holiday!

Do any of these sound familiar? What are the things that you notice in yourself when you need some extra support?

do I need therapy?

Photo by Finn on Unsplash

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online pharmacy

I was up in the loft last night rummaging around for something and I spotted the Christmas decorations. I had a sudden rush of anxiety as I realised that even though it will soon be September, which is basically Christmas, it only really feels like a couple of months since I was taking down the Christmas tree and packing away the baubles.

Little did we know then what a weird year this would turn out to be, not just for us as a family, (no change there), but for the whole world. Everything has been turned on its head and our day to day way of being has adapted and shifted to match.

One of the consequences of coronavirus has been just how much more of our lives have been conducted online, from family Zoom quiz nights to fighting for that much needed shopping delivery slot. Access to healthcare has changed too. I’ve had to go to the GP twice during lockdown and both times it’s been scarily different – ringing a buzzer to be let in, hand washing and face masks and then sitting alone in a waiting room with just two of three chairs with huge spaces between them.

It’s eerie isn’t it?

I’m lucky in that I’ve not had to visit a hospital or take regular trips to the chemist, but there are plenty of people who’ve I know have spent literally hours queuing at their local pharmacy for prescriptions or to speak to a pharmacist about a non-urgent medical condition. It’s those kinds of services that make you realise just how dependent we are on being able to pop in somewhere and ask for medical advice.

One really simple way to make your life easier during the virus is to use an online pharmacy. Using a service like Oxford Online Pharmacy can be a Godsend when you’re worried about leaving the house or want to avoid queues and face masks.

Oxford Online Pharmacy offers a whole range of services that make life simpler and safer and they can even fulfil your NHS prescriptions for you and have them delivered directly to your door. They even offer some pet medications too!

Whether you need something for pain relief or advice about the morning after pill, you can access advice from a pharmacist as well as buying medications online. No more queuing outside the pharmacy or having to worry about the virus – get expert advice online and deliveries to your door.

Not only is it much less stressful using an online pharmacy, but it saves you a lot of time too, time you probably should be putting to good use starting that Christmas shopping…

 

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Advertisement feature in association with Nightingale Tuition

If you have kids approaching GCSEs who have been struggling in lockdown then read on as I have an hour of free tuition to give to everybody!

It’s one of those fun, little known facts about me that when I was doing my degree, I earned extra money doing private one-to-one maths tuition.

Bee was a toddler at the time, and I can’t remember exactly what she did while I was teaching small children about fractions through the medium of Lego, but private tuition brought in much needed extra cash for me at a time when I was cooking by candlelight because I couldn’t afford to replace the striplight in my kitchen.

Private tuition was a very different thing back then of course – I used to make my own maths board games out of bits of cardboard I cut out of the side of boxes and coloured with felt tip pens. The height of decadence was when I splashed out on a new workbook from WHSmiths and photocopied pages from it in the library for 10p a go.

As much as I enjoyed making my homemade games, it’s a good job that private tuition is more high-tech nowadays, particularly during the coronavirus outbreak. If I was doing it now I wouldn’t be allowed to even show up at someone’s house, let alone get into the library to make use of the top notch copying facilities.

One of the things that working one-to-one with students allowed me to do was to really get to know them and to tailor our sessions according to their needs and how they worked best. This is something that schools inevitably struggle with – it’s just not possible to cater for everyone’s individual needs in a class of 30 kids – and it’s one of the main reasons that parents seek out extra tuition for their children.

This personalised approach is the ethos of Nightingale Tuition, an online one-to-one tuition provider specialising in support for GCSEs.

(Another fun fact – my Brownie leader name is Nightingale. We all have bird names and the girls choose one for us. I wanted to suggest cock-of-the-rock but Brown Owl wouldn’t let me.)

Here’s a little flavour of Nightingale Tuition: View Post

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