As you may remember, I had grand plans for my garden when I bought my house last year. ‘A tropical paradise’ was how I described the picture of it I had in my head.

The reality looked like this:

Sexy garden times.

As you will have seen if you read my garden makeover post, I had the foundations put in place for the tropical garden of my dreams, and the last few months have been spent gradually adding in plants and pots and strings of solar powered vintage lights, so that now it looks more like this: View Post

Note to my Dad: this is one of those posts you’ll want to skip over.

I was out for dinner a little while ago with some friends. We’d had a small half glass of wine or so and we were talking about boys. We were discussing one boy in particular, who I had happened to say in passing that I thought was nice.

‘Ooohhh!’ said one of my so called friends, ‘I’ll message him and tell him you LOVE HIM!’

‘I don’t LOVE HIM,’ I pointed out, ‘I just said he was NICE.’

She messaged him to tell him I loved him.

God.

‘While you’re there though,’ I said, only slurring very slightly, ‘you could casually drop in my renovated vagina?’

Everyone looked at me.

‘Renovated? Like with scaffolding?’

‘Oh,’ I said, the half glass of wine clearly muddling me, (an allergic reaction maybe?), ‘not renovated. REJUVENATED. That’s it. My vaginal tissues have been rejuvenated.’

We got distracted then by talk of my vagina, and then the fried camembert arrived, so I don’t think the boy had the opportunity to be seduced by my vaginal tissues, rejuvenated or otherwise.

Probably for the best.

A pretty dinner and wine photo in lieu of a close up vaginal tissue shot View Post

Post in association with Vileda

When you manage to coordinate your mop head and slipper pom poms

At any one moment, how many thoughts about ‘stuff’ are going through your head? How often do you find yourself trying to remember to buy toothpaste and get the wine out of the garage for your mum at the same time as making a child’s packed lunch and putting on a pair of tights?

(Me this morning.)

The fact is that we have a lot of things to do, and sometimes it’s hard to actually do them all.

JK Rowling sums it up pretty well. ‘People very often say to me,’ she says’ ”How did you do it, how did you raise a baby and write a book?’ And the answer is – I didn’t do housework for four years. I am not Superwoman.’

She had the magical wizarding kingdom at her disposal, so what chance for us mere muggles to keep on top of cleaning?

To try to help me stay on top of my own housework juggling act, which mainly involves me balancing cleaning tasks with important things like making my own party rings, and in lieu of being able to afford to get around a company like fastendoftenancycleaning.co.uk, Vileda recently sent me an EasyWring & Clean Turbo – a mop and bucket set that is designed to make cleaning floors a veritable breeze. Vileda’s plan is that by equipping me with one of their labour saving devices that I will be more inclined to keep my house clean. View Post

In association with National Citizen Service

In just over two months Belle (my baby!) will have finished school.

This is a MASSIVE deal for us as she has basically hated school for 12 years. Every day has been a battle, every evening from Sunday to Thursday has had the shadow of school hanging over it. The last year in particular has been hard and I know it’s going to be a massive relief for us both when June 19th comes round and she has her last GCSE exam. (She says confidently, with an edge of desperation in her voice.)

But then what?

She has plans for college of course, but that’s not until September. That’s nearly three months of potentially blank space, space that Belle could well fill with a cycle of sleep, Netflix and Instagram. I want to make sure that alongside a bit of R & R* she makes time for things that are actually interesting or useful or worthwhile.

The flip side of course is that at the same time I have to run a business and make enough money on my own to pay the mortgage and support a family of five. (Sure, three of them are cats, but they expensive taste in biscuits.)

A post shared by Slummy Single Mummy 🐱🐾 (@slummysinglemummy) on Apr 10, 2018 at 9:04am PDT

(Oh! How did that get there?)

So what to do?

Family will be a first port of call – a few days with my Dad in Cornwall here, a few in Ireland with my sister there – but the thing with family is that it’s EASY. I want her to do something that challenges her too, something that pushes her outside her comfort zone but gives her confidence a boost in the process. The trouble is that Belle quite likes her comfort zone and has been a little scarred over the years by me packing her off on various activities – activities that really are things I want to do, (like week long courses where you have to pretend to be a spy and crack codes), only I can’t because I’m a grown up.

Yesterday I mentioned the government backed National Citizen Service (NCS) to her and she DIDN’T STRAIGHTAWAY SAY NO. This was an amazing thing. I immediately sent her a link. View Post

‘Does the printer have ink?’

Belle is shouting this up the stairs at me at about 11.23pm on a Sunday night. I am in bed already.

‘Umm…’ I reply, making a bit of a sceptical face, ‘I’m not sure.’

I hear heavy sighing.

I could raise the point that 11.23pm on a Sunday is not really the time to be starting to think about printing things, but also I know that ‘buy ink for printer’ has been popping up as a reminder on my phone now for about three weeks.

Printer ink is one of those things that grates on me, like car repairs. I begrudge having to spend money on something just to then have to KEEP spending money on it. Printer ink is the worst because I stupidly bought one of those cheap printers that FEELS good value, until you realise that replacing the ink is going to cost you more than the printer did in the first place and that you will need to do it roughly every eight sheets of paper.

You’re feeling my pain I can tell.

You can imagine then my SURPRISE AND DELIGHT to be asked to review the Epson EcoTank ET-2750, which comes in a box that says this:

14,000 pages?? Will I ever even print that much now in the whole of the remainder of my life? Doubtful. In which case this could very well be a printer that NEVER RUNS OUT OF INK. (Note: I’m sure the ink would dry up eventually if I didn’t use it – Epson says the ink can last for up to three years, which feels like a much more reliable claim.) View Post

Post in association with Childcare.co.uk 

One of the things I love most about modern technology is the ability to find anything online, choose the best one, and have it booked and ready within minutes.

When I’m in proper cities, where THINGS HAPPEN, I’m a sucker for apps like Uber and Deliveroo. I know I should probably be dining out at independent restaurants and hiring cabs from local taxi agencies and what not, but honestly, who wouldn’t want a burrito brought to them basically IN BED? Plus it’s peace of mind knowing that everything is so regulated and controlled, that Uber knows where Bob in a Prius is taking me, and that I can see exactly how long it will be before my katsu curry arrives on a moped.

‘If only there was something similar for childcare’, I thought, ‘so you could find someone totally reliable online to look after your children for a bit.’ You know, for when Netflix is off line.

And then I found out that there was and I honestly don’t know how more people haven’t discovered this before. 

Childcare.co.uk allows you to search for and connect with babysitters, childminders, nannies, nurseries, private tutors and schools and also allows childcare providers to advertise their services. The site has more than 1.5 million users nationwide and is the largest online community for parents in the UK, having launched in 2009. 

Pretty impressive stats, as an ex boyfriend once said to me.

Not only is it great for finding a local babysitter that you can trust, (rather than just the random teen from down the street), you can find anything from schools in the local area to private midwives. There are loads of private tutors too, which would be really handy for me as Belle is about to take her GCSEs and is a little lacking in the self-motivation department.

I tested out the Childcare.co.uk website to see if it really was as straightforward as ordering a quick delivered pizza. (Belle’s favourite meal, obviously.) View Post

Post in association with Bud

I cannot even begin to imagine how it must feel to struggle to conceive.

Literally, I can’t.

I know that having your first baby at 17 years old isn’t ideal. Giving birth in the summer holidays between the first and second year of your A-levels probably wouldn’t be everyone’s first choice. I do feel very lucky though, lucky to have never had to experience the stress of trying for a baby that just won’t come. Never to have had that gut wrenching disappointment when my period arrives, or felt the guilty sadness of hearing yet another friend announce their pregnancy.

I’m not going to even pretend that I could understand how difficult it must be, but I just wanted to let you know today about a new product that might possibly help.

It’s a natural supplement called Bud.

Bud stands for Babies Under Development and has been inspired by founders Tim and Sarita Heard’s personal experience of unexplained secondary infertility. Second baby infertility is all too common, and no less distressing. It must be quite a shock to find that despite having no problems first time round, baby number two doesn’t seem quite so keen to fit in with your family plan. View Post

What do you reckon? Have you noticed that you care less as you get older?

Just about life in general I mean.

I was having a discussion with my friend Lucy about it this weekend. I’m 40 this month and she is a few years older than me and we were questioning where our enthusiasm for life had gone. Not in a melancholic way at all, more in a ‘perfectly happy just to have a cup of tea and a sit down thanks’ kind of way.

‘I just don’t CARE like I used to,’ she said, ‘I don’t feel passionate about anything. All I really want to do is potter about the house, play with my pets, read books, pluck the odd hair out of my chin, that sort of thing.’

I feel the same.

But is it just us? Do YOU care less as you get older?

Me living my best life. Actual doughnut.

View Post

Post sponsored by Cadbury

Our traditional Easter egg hunt this year is going to involve a bit of STEALTH.

About six years ago now we began what would go on to become something of an Easter egg hunt tradition. A friend of mine, Lucy, who I met at a breastfeeding group when Belle and her daughter Ella were babies, moved into a flat with a central, communal garden. By this point she also had a second daughter, Josie, who is a few years younger than Belle and Ella.

Lucy is big on Easter – she does magical Easter decorations and everything – so she invited us round to do an Easter egg hunt in the communal garden. It wasn’t a huge garden, and the whole time she was there no one else ever seemed to use it. The egg hunt was a great success. All three girls, plus some extra randoms from the street, charged around the garden, frantically sweeping creme eggs into their Easter buckets, barging each other out of the way in a bid to be the first to snatch up the bags of mini eggs View Post

Sometimes things happen just when you need them to happen. Call it coincidence, synchronicity, pure chance perhaps, but sometimes you need to take notice.

I had one of those moments this month when I went to London to watch a screening of ‘Wonder’. The screening was hosted by Kleenex® to mark the film’s release on 26th March on Digital Download, 4K UHD, Blu-ray and DVD, courtesy of Lionsgate Home Entertainment UK.

(So many things! When did films stop just ‘coming out on video’??)

You will need tissues for all the emotional moments of ‘Wonder’, unless you have a heart of actual stone, so you’ve been warned.

Fortunately I had supplies.

Anyway, the timing was perfect for me as I feel like lately I’ve become a bit too concerned about my FACE.

I don’t know whether it’s because I’m turning 40 next month, (who am I kidding, of course it’s that), but I seem to be spending more time than ever examining myself in the mirror and it never makes me feel good. I know I don’t especially look OLD, but I am noticing changes – new lines where there weren’t lines before, a softening of my jaw line, tiny veins around my nose. None of it matters, but when you start looking it can be hard to stop. View Post