Look at her, isn’t she just the cutest thing you’ve ever seen?

bee

Back then, I don’t think I would have been able to get my head around the idea that 20 years later she would be finishing a three year degree in London – I mean, cripes, I hadn’t even started my own degree at this point! I was still on A-level maths revision. 

Not only has Bee now finished her creative writing degree, but she got a FIRST!!! In fact, she got a better first than me – 78% overall. I am normally very competitive, but I can honestly say that there is not a single little part of me that feels anything but pride for the fact that Bee is now officially better qualified than me. 

It’s a weird feeling actually. It’s first and foremost a pride in Bee, who has just been amazing, moving to London all by herself, dealing with al sorts of problems so well, and clearly being an outstanding poet, but also a sense of pride in myself. As parents, we muddle along, doing our best, not ever entirely sure of what the right or wrong thing to do is, and then suddenly they are grown-ups, and you jump a little bit, and think ‘Oh! I didn’t do so bad then after all.’

Mainly though it’s the first bit.

I know as a parent that I have this weird mixture of high expectations and general ambivalence. On the one hand, I’m happy for my children to pursue whatever goals they want, so long as it makes them happy, but on the other hand, I suspect it feels like I’m very hard to impress, because my laid back style means I can be a bit ‘whatever, that’s nice’ about just about everything. I hope Bee knows though that I am genuinely, exceptionally proud of how well she has done – both in her academic and personal life.

So yeah, whatever, well done.

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I’ve just realised it’s a week since I wrote anything.

It’s funny, because blogging in some form or another is what I do for a living, and yet sometimes I forget to actually blog, if that makes sense. I get distracted by other projects, or bits of work, and then I don’t know, I guess I just imagine it sort of ticks along, writing itself. 

Clearly it doesn’t, or I wouldn’t be waffling away here to fill the void.

So, what have I been doing instead with my time? Well, I’ve was in London at the end of last week – I had lunch with Alesha Dixon (fancy!) and then met with the lovely people from eHarmony to talk about the relationship advice blogging I do for them (haha!). Then Belle and I spent the weekend in a yurt, which I will tell you more about in the next week or so, and then this week I’ve been back in London again.

I haven’t met any celebrities for lunch this week, but yesterday I did go for a lovely (and very hot) walk around Notting Hill, looking out for pretty door pictures. Instagram is one of the things I’ve been distracting myself with, so if you’re a fan of a door, do go and have a look.

 

I normally do a central door, but I couldn’t not include this beautiful wisteria.

A photo posted by Josephine Middleton (@slummysinglemummy) on

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Although Belle is 13 now, and has moments where she looks at me like I am possibly the most embarrassing parent ever to have walked the earth, she has always had a strong streak of concern for others.

If I’m upset about something, she knows. If I’ve been crying, she sees it, and does what she can to make me feel better. Basically, she cares about other people. She may be super bossy with her friends, and genuinely believe that she shouldn’t ever have to do washing up, but essentially she’s a thoughtful child.

I will always remember picking her up from nursery one day, when she must have been about two and a half years old. To help you picture the scene, I looked up this picture, which was one of those standard portraits they make everyone sit for at school and nursery. When I saw it then, for the first time in a while, I felt my chest constrict and my heart rush up into my throat. Where have my babies gone?!

recapturing childhood innocence View Post

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“Where do babies come from?’

“Why does it get dark at night?”

“What sort of tree is that?”

“Why don’t we fall off the earth when we are upside down?”

Some of these sort of parenting questions I find easier to answer than others. My tree knowledge for example is pretty poor, unless there’s something obvious like a conker happening. I swear that when I used to ask my mum questions like this, she knew the answer to everything. The older I get though, the more I wonder if actually she was bluffing a lot of the time, and that if you say pretty much anything to a child in a confident voice, they will believe you.

(See ‘5 things my mum told me that probably aren’t true’ for further evidence.)

I had sort of assumed that as your children grew up, became adults, left home, got jobs etc, that they would stop asking a list of questions like this. I was wrong. Bee claims she is ‘slightly too old to Google things as a first instinct’ and so instead she texts me her question.

Recently they have included:

“How do I cook stir fry?”

“How much is a first class stamp?”

“Do you think I’m having a stroke?”

And, most recently, this:

 

I do actually quite like the watering can analogy, because it does work a bit like that, although, as I went on to explain, it doesn’t come from one big tank like a watering can, but is a complex system of ducts, that all come out in the same area.

I love it of course that she still asks me questions, (and that she thinks I might know the answers), and all the more so because I know that it’s partly just a reason to be in touch. I’m a bit rubbish at communicating generally, (with individual people rather than Twitter), and so it’s good that one of us takes the initiative.

And texting is so easy isn’t it? Which is good, because Bee doesn’t know how much a stamp costs.

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Did you know that April 25th marks the start of Stop Snoring Week? No? Well consider yourself informed. (It also marks my birthday, should you wish to send gifts.)

I’m sure my fiancé won’t mind me saying that he is the loudest snorer I have ever heard in my whole, entire life.

I don’t mean an adorable little snort now and again, I mean a full scale earthquake of a snore, that you can hear from wherever you are in the building, through closed doors, earplugs, the works. Fortunately, I am a extremely lovely and tolerant person, who can learn to live with most things, and so we’re a pretty good match. I have the odd night where I want to casually press a pillow into his face, but they really are few and far between, and I do appreciate that it’s not his fault, and love him regardless.

Still, it’s pretty loud, and it does have implications – it sometimes keeps Belle awake through the walls, it’s tricky if we go away as a family and share a room, and staying anywhere with friends or family can be a little awkward. And of course on top of all of this, I’m sure it must effect the quality of fiancé’s sleep – it can’t be very relaxing for him, and he often wakes up feeling tired with a sore throat.

One of the things that sets it apart from other snores is a complete lack of rhythm. There is nothing regular or relaxing about it, it’s more a series of snorts and choking noises – it really keeps you on your toes.

So, what to do? View Post

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funny laundry mishaps Ecover

What’s the worst thing that’s ever happened to you, laundry wise?

The classic red sock in a wash full of bright white shirts maybe? I’ve always thought that was a bit of a cliché, the sort of thing that only happened on TV, until I did it with a pink sock. It actually turned my white dressing gown a rather lovely pale lilac colour, which I was pretty pleased with, so it wasn’t all bad.

Does Ecover washing liquid work?As you may have noticed, (from the big pictures of bottles of Ecover laundry liquid), I’ve been doing some work recently with Ecover to try to help people lighten the laundry load. Ecover’s plant-based Non Bio Concentrated Laundry Liquid formula tackles tough stains, even at 30 degrees, so hopefully that will save you a bit of laundry time and stress.

I could certainly do with some help.

A couple of weekends ago we spent around four hours in total taking our washing machine apart, looking for a mystery noise that turned out to be a five pence that had worked its way through the filter, and I don’t feel I’ve been quite forgiven yet for taking an extremely expensive pair of dry clean only suit trousers to the launderette for a service wash and tumble dry.

I’ve had a few ironing incidents too.

You know how people say that men deliberately do the ironing really badly so that their wives won’t let them do it? That’s me. Except it’s not deliberate. View Post

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We’ve only ever been on one Center Parcs holiday. Bee was about eight years old, and Belle was coming up for two. We went with our friend Lucy, who at the time only had one daughter, Ella, who was just a few weeks younger than Belle. Ours days fell quickly into a lovely routine of swimming, feeding babies and early nights, and it was all very lovely.

In fact I can tell you exactly when it was, I’ve just remembered – it must have been April 2004, as my Gran had just died, and while we were there I had to write the eulogy. I’d never been to a funeral until then, which is good going I think for a then 26 year old.

That’s jolly isn’t it?

Actually, in a morbid sort of a way, it fits quite nicely with the theme of this post. No, Center Parcs isn’t giving away some sort of funeral holiday package, but they are running a competition where you have to think about what your family means to you, and what your favourite thing about them is. Fitting then don’t you think that my time at Center Parcs was spent thinking a lot about my Gran and the important part she played in my life?

It’s a reminder too that we have to cherish our families while we can.

We go along with our everyday lives, getting annoyed with our kids when they forget to switch lights off, and wishing our partners would learn to read our minds so we didn’t have to explain every time we were irritated by something, but how often do we switch it around, and think instead about all of the things we love about them?

Center Parcs competition

Some of my favourite things about my family: View Post

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Most Friday nights go something like this:

Me: “What do you fancy doing this weekend?”

Belle, sighing heavily: “Nothing.”

Me: “You don’t fancy a fun outing somewhere?”

Belle: “No. I just want to watch TV.”

Hmmm.

That’s no fun is it? I mean, she is 13, and she’s meant to hate me I know, but come on, it’s the weekend! What generally happens though is that we drag her out, she sulks for about the first twenty minutes, and then it’s like the clouds in her head part, and she starts to have fun. Once she gets over that idea that she has to have a miserable time, to make a point, she’s brilliant company and we have a lovely time.

Mini golf is one of her favourites, and she loves a spot of dressing up, but she even lets me take her to places like Gnome World. She’s a good sport.

family days out View Post

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Children ask things that other people don’t ask. This can be good or bad.

For example, “Mummy, why is the sky blue?” is a very valid question that, if answered correctly, can make you look pretty impressive in front of your child. However, “Mummy, why is that lady very very fat?” can mean that you have to get off the bus a few stops earlier than originally intended out of sheer embarrassment, while your toddler obliviously shouts the same few lines of ‘Let It Go’ over and over again to the person sitting next to them.

Lots of the time though, kids can ask questions we have never even thought of before. Even Bee, who is 20 and might know more than I do at this point, text me a couple of weeks ago to ask “can bird get a fever?” to which I responded “probably”. If humans can then birds probably can, although come to think of it you don’t often see a bird with a cold, even the ones that live in the snow.

baby penguins View Post

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I’m not going to particularly talk here about the importance of International Women’s Day or what it means, I just wanted a quick word about some of the thoughts it triggered in my mind about the women in my life. 

For the first 25 years of my life, there was one very dominate woman in our family – my Gran. She was five feet tall, Welsh, and the phrase ‘doesn’t suffer fools gladly’ could have been written for her. She was not afraid to tell anyone what she thought, often to the point of embarrassment for those around her, she would sit me on her lap as a child and try to get me to drink gin and tonic, and she had a really annoying habit of clutching me to her chest when I had a cough, when really all I wanted was some space to breathe. She was also very intelligent, funny, determined and hard-working. 

Our family has been rather dominated by women ever since, and between us we are some pretty strong characters. I can’t imagine what it must be like as a man, coming into our family, but I would think, (or perhaps I like to think), that it’s a little daunting. We are strong, but not at the expense of our compassion. We know what we want, but are also generous with our time and support. Most of all, we are always there for each other.

I have a favourite quote that always makes me think of my own daughters, Bee and Belle, and of my Gran. I think it would make a pretty good family motto for us. 

Happy International Women’s Day to you and all the fierce women in your life.

(Just to annoy Belle, I used a font in this graphic called ‘Courgette’…)

International Women's Day And though she be but little, she is fierce

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A couple of weeks ago I got a new Mac. It was jolly exciting, and I have already fallen a little bit in love with it. In the evenings and at weekends I find myself thinking about it, like when you meet someone, and you’re constantly wondering what they might be doing, except without the anxiety, as I know my Mac is just sat on my desk waiting for me, not talking to other girls.

This morning I plugged in my camera, and all of my photos from the last 18 months spewed out. I’ve been working from a Chromebook for a couple of years now, and although it’s fantastic for portability and battery life, photo editing and storage is not really its thing. It has been fantastic to be able to quickly scroll through photos, and edit and organise them.

So, this morning, when I really should have been planning my work for the week or sorting our receipts or something very grown up like that, I spent a happy couple of hours sorting my photos into folders and looking at pictures of Bee and Belle, and smiling to myself at how adorable they are. Yesterday was Mothers’ Day of course, and Bee came down to visit for the day, so I was reminded, in between the squabbling, of just exactly how lovely they both are. I may even create a photobook so I can procrastinate in the flesh on a regular basis.

Also, this morning Bee called me to tell me she has been asked to read her poetry at a festival next month. For money. Which officially makes her a professional performance poet. I am very proud, because I had thought it was pretty much impossible to be a poet and not live in a cardboard box, and she hasn’t even finished her degree yet.

I’ve picked out a few of my favourite photos for you to look at.

You have to say how beautiful they are, even if inside you’re thinking ‘Jeez, we really have to look through someone else’s family photo slideshow? What is this, some sort of really boring 1980s dinner party?”

So sit back and enjoy.

(Seriously, ENJOY.)

FAMILY PHOTO ALBUM View Post

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Does Ecover washing liquid work?There are a few reasons why I prefer to use a ‘green’ laundry liquid like Ecover.

Firstly, we have a lot of sensitive skin and eczema in the family, and I want to wash our clothes in something that I know is going to be as kind to our skin as possible. If ever we end up with a cheap or over-fragranced laundry liquid I can always tell, as I start getting horrid itchy patches where my clothes rub the most, like around the waist of my jeans.

Secondly, I care about the environment. It’s easy to try and ignore the fact that everything we use has to end up somewhere, but once you have thought about it, it’s difficult to get it out of your head.

And finally, I’m a Guardian reading leftie, who likes people to see me with a bottle of Ecover next to my sink.

One of the things though that puts some people off switching to an eco-friendly laundry detergent like Ecover, is the thought that perhaps they don’t really work as well as standard washing liquids. There’s something about the green image that, in some people’s minds, equates to meaning ‘not quite as good.’

Personally, I think this is a bit of an old-fashioned view. The green market has come a long way over the last couple of decades, and you can make a lot of simple, effective switches nowadays that don’t mean you have to rub your armpits with a mineral rock or anything like that. It’s no longer a choice between products that are ‘green’ and products that do the job well – you can have both.

 

So does Ecover work well on stains?

To prove the point, I put Ecover to the test, to see how well it performed on some common household stains. Stain removal is very important to me, as I really can’t be faffed washing things again and again, so a liquid that helps to lighten the laundry load by getting out common stains first time is definitely a winner.

To start things off, I gathered Belle in the kitchen with a brand new, squeaky clean apron, and a selection of food items.

“How would you like to smear these all over this apron?” I asked her. View Post

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