It’s almost Valentine’s Day again, although I’m sure it was only Christmas yesterday.
I know that some people really go in for the whole heart shaped box of chocolates/singing teddy bear aspect of the occasion but I’ve never really been that fussed about it. I’m usually grateful for anything I get, unless it’s something hideously tacky that they should know I would hate, like a bunch of £2 flowers from Morrisons, (the amount of effort clearly put in with that sort of gift is actually just a bit embarrassing. I would rather just have nothing.) Or, heaven forbid, the infamous “Love Log”.
One of my favourite bits about the day though is seeing just how vile the array of Valentine’s gifts becomes every year, as shops desperately try and attract attention with cringey window displays and even buy-one-get-one-free deals on cards. (Suspicious.) I’ve looked through the internet to try and find the tackiest gift ever made, and I think I’ve come pretty close.
This monster mug
Really, nothing about it is okay. It sort of makes me want to smash it on the ground a little bit. I feel a bit bad for Simon, because someone obviously thinks that he is their love monster. I don’t think so.
Whatever these are
So that your valentine can not only be the strength in your life, but also the strength in your collar.
Passive aggressive chocolate bar
Matthew had been searching for the proof, and here it is, in the form of 100g of unbranded milk chocolate. If that doesn’t soothe your worries Matt, I don’t know what will.
Anything to do with Romeo & Juliet
Spoiler alert: they die at the end. Maybe they wouldn’t have if Romeo had done Juliet a Build-A-Bear Factory bear with a recording inside of him murdering her cousin.
“Magic love candle”
Not only are they super creepy, but they’re 3 for £20! An absolute steal for all your men on the side.