A short rant about seducing your loved one this Valentine’s Day with a Love Log. That’s right, you heard me. A Love Log.

*RANT ALERT*

I get a lot of shit press releases.

Here are some stats I made up to give you an idea of the sort of thing that lands in my inbox every day:

  • 63% are written in a font so small I couldn’t read it even if I wanted to
  • 92% are at least twice the length that any decent press release should be
  • 87% of release titles include a terrible pun
  • 74% think that a very original and never been done before angle is the fact that the product was designed at a kitchen table by someone who has given up a high paid job to follow their dreams. What those dreams are exactly we aren’t really sure – create an awful product that doesn’t sell and become penniless perhaps?
  • 54% tell me all about this wonderful thing I absolutely must try – my life will not be complete until I have it – and then they offer to send me high res pictures. Now I know this is the done thing for print journalism, but I write a blog and don’t even need high res images. I want the THING. Don’t tell me how my readers would love for me to share it with them and then only send me an image. I’m not a teenage boy collecting pictures to hide under my mattress.

I had one press release this morning though that really wound me up, not because it was especially badly written, but simply because the product it was trying to sell was, as far as I could see, a complete rip off.

It was basically one small log, but for £25.

You heard me, £25.

And not even one of those fancy logs that self lights. Just an ordinary bog standard log that you could find on the floor of a wood.log

Ah, but wait, this is no ordinary log, this is the LOVE LOG.

Ooooh!

“Come into the living room my darling, let me show you my love log!”

This log is magical. It can make all of your dreams come true. All you have to do is burn the log for seven minutes on the fire, then throw in each of the six included “special” pine cones – (another thing you can find on the floor) – and ask the log a question about your romantic future.

Apparently “the colour of the flames, as well as their size and the way they flicker, reveals the answer to their question.”

Bull.

Shit.

Once you’ve completed your ceremony you then have to keep the embers in a bag for 12 months. The bag is provided, but unless it is made of gold then I am struggling to see the value in this not to be missed Valentine’s gift.

Am I being unreasonable here? 

20 Comments

  1. 14 January, 2015 / 10:38 am

    I wish I’d thought of that! There’s a small wood just about a mile away where I can pick these up for free (or I could pop down there at midnight with an axe and a torch).

    I can’t help feeling the target market’s a bit small though…how many people have an open fire any more?

  2. 14 January, 2015 / 12:57 pm

    Hilarious! This post really made me chuckle…some of those press releases are ridiculous- I think the worst I’ve had was about noise levels on airplanes! Snooze! x

  3. 14 January, 2015 / 12:58 pm

    Hahahahahahaha

  4. 14 January, 2015 / 1:12 pm

    Please tell me you have replied to the PR with this post to tell them exactly what you felt about the love log?
    What a load of BS!!

  5. 14 January, 2015 / 1:52 pm

    Oh my! What a load of BS! That is just utterly ridiculous!

  6. 14 January, 2015 / 2:19 pm

    Oh My word – this has just made me laugh out loud! What a ridiculous idea? What a con?

    Do people actually buy this kind of thing?

  7. Caroline Clarke
    14 January, 2015 / 2:27 pm

    This made my day. I wish I had a blog so I could rant like this. Love it.

  8. 14 January, 2015 / 3:41 pm

    You legend – I love the way you rant at PRs, and I am one! Am also very sick of the kitchen table entrepreneur vibe. And the garage one, for that matter!

  9. 14 January, 2015 / 9:17 pm

    Hahaha. I need this log.

  10. 15 January, 2015 / 3:39 pm

    hah this is brilliant! I’m inspired to make my own love log…actually wait. I would seriously have to reconsider my partner if they bought this and believed all that they are trying to sell. Sometimes I would just love to sit in on a marketing meeting when ideas like this are formed and then actually agreed on!

  11. 15 January, 2015 / 8:29 pm

    Haha that made me laugh! It’s looks like someone has been at the sherry coming up with that magic. X

  12. 15 January, 2015 / 9:20 pm

    Haha! Hilarious! x

  13. 16 January, 2015 / 4:38 pm

    Hahaha! Do you think this is what log lady from Twin Peaks must’ve done to seduce men? Hilarious! x

  14. 17 January, 2015 / 1:01 am

    Haha is this seriously a thing…a love log for £25 – that is simply crazy!!

    Laura x

  15. 19 January, 2015 / 6:12 pm

    You mean you haven’t placed your order yet?

  16. 20 January, 2015 / 2:44 pm

    OMG and I often think I’ve been offered some rubbish, but it feels you actually have. The only one I’ve heard of that beats this is the empty jam jar – for you to decorate…. :D

  17. 21 January, 2015 / 10:48 am

    Think this should have hit your inbox to promote on April 1st not for valentines

  18. 21 January, 2015 / 10:56 pm

    OMG!
    I can’t believe that – That’s seriously messed up.
    *Off to go buy one* I joke I joke!

    Charlotte x

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