A lot of people tell me I look young for my age. This is me, sporting a rather fetching Christmas pudding hat:
I’m actually 57.
Not really. I’m 38 though. I have a bit of a party trick when I meet new people – I casually mention that I have children, and they say ‘Oh right, how old?’ expecting me to say three and one, or something like that, and I say 13 and 20, and watch them wrestle with their face, not sure if they are allowed to say anything.
It’s funny. I deliberately say 13 first, as that seems to shock people enough, and then when they are on the back foot, I go in with the 20. Boom.
Often here they will gasp and say “God, you don’t look old enough to have a 20 year old!”
“I’m not really,” I will say, smiling knowingly, and making them even more confused.
So, I had a genius idea – I thought I would have a bit of a think, and put together my very own anti-ageing tips for you! Like a proper beauty blogger, only more disgusting, as you will see.
An easy one to start with. Let those natural oils flow guys! Your skin doesn’t want to be getting wet and dry again all the time now does it? Washing your hands all the time is just going to leave you looking like one of those old ladies with wrinkly hands and lots of gold rings. No one wants that.
Avoid the sun
Everyone knows it’s bad for you, so scrap the picnic, skip the trip to the park and stay in and watch Peppa Pig instead. Your skin will thank you for it.
Train a child to wash up
As with point one above, you really don’t want to be sticking your hands into hot soapy water day in day out, so assign washing up to one of your children as a chore as soon as possible. Stand them on a chair and turn it into a game. They’ll soon learn to be careful with the knives.
Try not to care too much generally
That worry will show on your face! Instead of bothering about which schools your kids will get into, or whether or not they’ve had enough fruit and vegetables, concentrate on the trivial things, like which of your spider babies needs repotting next, or whether you want to read Nancy Drew or the Hardy Boys in bed tonight.
Avoid crafts with children
GLITTER!!! ARGH!!! Seeing your kitchen covered in red paint and cornflour will age you by at least five years, instantly. Avoid it wherever possible.
Use your natural oils
If you find yourself sat on a train with a spare moment, take the opportunity to use what nature has blessed you with and rub some of the grease from your nose and other oily bits of your face onto the drier areas, like the skin around your eyes. It’s fine, it’s natural.
Every day. It’s very important. Choose a moisturiser with built in sun protection.
What are your favourite anti-ageing tips?