The one where I write a comedy sketch about my intriguing vagina

Last year I got an email from a couple of lovely ladies who run a company called Masked Pony Productions. They asked if I’d be interested in writing a short comedy sketch based on my blog for a new mum comedy short series.

‘Absolutely!’ I said, Googling how to write comedy sketches.

They wanted something that was in the style of my usual writing, perhaps inspired by some of my most popular posts. One of my personal favourites is the one where I get dressed up nicely for a smear test and the nurse can’t find my cervix, so I had to include reference to that.

Bee’s favourite ever post is the one where I go to a cafe and a random family come and sit down ALL AROUND ME while I’m just trying to have a coffee. That had to be in there too. (Have a read – they are both funny.)

I set to work.

‘This will be easy,’ I thought to myself. ‘I’m HILARIOUS.’

Turns out though that it’s actually pretty hard to write things that sound funny when they are said out loud by someone else. I mean sure, I can write stuff down and it sometimes makes people laugh when they read it, but writing a script is a whole different thing.

Still, I had a bash. The idea is that the mum is so desperate for a bit of time away from her kids that she has pretended she has to go to a smear test. (Hopefully you’ll get that – otherwise I have done a BAD job.)

This is the final result:

(Try to laugh remember.)

My best bit is the Granny saying ‘I’ve no idea’. It’s EXACTLY how the real life Granny said it to me in the coffee shop when they’d invaded my table, and that was always Bee’s favourite bit of the post I wrote about it.

So what do you reckon? Be honest – should this be the start of a new career or am I best sticking to looking pretty for smear tests?



  1. Karen
    17 September, 2017 / 11:35 pm

    Hi Jo.
    I thought it was well written and true to life. Some comments below if you find them helpful
    -make more of their intrusiveness. Show her having choice of seats in very empty coffee shop. Dad could also interruot the monologue with “ask” as he sits anyway.
    -Answering the phone whilst having the smear seems a little improbable. Tweak wording on call maybe to still get the funny stuff in but you are back in waiting room or something waiting for longer speculum
    -make up comment was funny but seemed an odd conversation point. I would lose it. Maybe just add more lippy as she sits and before the “affair” comment.
    Loved the stroppy gran and precocious child.

    • Jo Middleton
      18 September, 2017 / 10:43 am

      Thanks for the feedback Karen! It was such a weird process because you kind of hand over your baby. Really interesting comments though and if I do it again I’ll definitely take them on board. Thanks :-)

    • Jo Middleton
      18 September, 2017 / 10:46 am

      Just thinking a bit more about your comments and I think they highlight the difference between writing a blog and writing for something like this – it’s all those bits that normally I have to spell out because you can’t see them, but which actually don’t need to be said in a sketch. It’s a totally different way of telling a story isn’t it? All good learning!

    • Jo Middleton
      19 September, 2017 / 12:25 pm

      thank you :-)

      • 19 September, 2017 / 12:36 pm

        I just had to pop back this morning to tell you that I actually had a dream (or perhaps nightmare!!!) about the lost cervix situation happening to me. You’ve got a lot to answer for – lol! x

        • Jo Middleton
          20 September, 2017 / 11:13 am


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