So you’re single again. Sometimes, breakups happen for a good reason. Other times…blame it on timing, stress, fear or sheer impulsiveness. Whatever the reason, you now find yourself without a boyfriend.
But you just can’t stop thinking about him.
Whether he broke up with you, or you dumped him, you just know that the split was wrong and you tell yourself, “I’m going to get my ex boyfriend back.” That sounds good in theory, but before you take charge and get back into his life, make sure that you’re right by looking for these simple signs:
Everyone Thinks You Should Get Back Together
You know that you and he belong with each other. Sure, you could be wrong, but then your best friend mentions how good you two were together. And then your mother does, too. Heck, you ran into his father at the grocery store and even he mentioned it. Yes, it seems that everyone knows you should get back with your ex.
While the opinions of a group of people are not always necessarily true, in this case, it’s a good sign. The people in your life have your best interests at heart: they don’t want to see you get hurt or make a terrible mistake. If your loved ones are telling you that you and your ex were good together, then it’s safe to use that as confirmation of your own feelings.
The Thought of Being With Other People is Crazy
You broke up, moved out and moved on, convinced that the future is bright and another perfect guy is right around the corner. But…you can’t imagine yourself with anyone else. Try as hard as you can, you can’t see yourself with that cute guy from the gym or the veterinarian your friend set you up with. No matter how hard you try, you can only see yourself with your ex.
And you can’t imagine him with anyone else, either. Not because of mere jealousy, but because no one knows him like you do. You know his favorite things, his quirks, his turn ons and turn offs. These thoughts are good signs that you miss him and have genuine feelings for him.
Just do not confuse these thoughts with rosy nostalgia: be honest with yourself about your relationship and make sure your are not convincing yourself of them out of the fear of being alone.
You Don’t Regret The Time You Spent Together
Breakups can make a relationship seem like a waste of time. What was it all for? You’re a little older and now back to square one, on the dating scene…it would have been better to not get involved with your ex at all.
But when you think about the relationship with your ex, it makes you smile. You remember that, sure, there were bad times, but the good ones far outnumbered them and you were genuinely happy together. You know that the relationship was not a waste of time, but a part of you that, even after breaking up, would be just as good now as it was then. In fact, being away from each other has made you realize all the more that the two of you were good for each other.
That doesn’t sound like regret. That sounds like true longing for what was.
The Breakup Was Cordial
If the breakup was bad, or you caught him in Amsterdam’s red light district or something, then these points are moot: you obviously broke up for severe reasons and you should let your ex go.
If, however, the breakup was amicable, then there is always a chance it could be saved. Perhaps the two of you have stayed in touch, or even remained friends that can still go out together with friends and have drinks, or run into each other at a party and not feel awkward. Cordial behavior toward one another is a good sign that there are truly no hard feelings and that the relationship may still be salvageable.
If you have not stayed close, reach out to him and see how he feels about the breakup. Chances are, he will be honest with you either way: if he is angry, he will show it by being short with you (or, really laying into you!), and if he is receptive, then he will love hearing from you. Either way, you will know how he feels and it will give you a good idea of how to proceed from there.
Not all breakups are permanent, so pay attention to these signs to see if your should try again, or just let it go.
Amy Banks works as a relationship therapist. She writes on topics of the heart for a selection of publications both online and offline.
My ex fiancée is still living with me even though he says he’s leaving. He does sweet gestures . We still sleep in the same bed and do our old usual routines together. He has offered to help me out when he leaves and stop in to hang out. He is in a relationship with a friend of mine / my sons ex girlfriend. So what do you think about this. He broke up with me on September 22 and still around . I need a different perspective .
Um… if I’m honest it sounds very much like he wants to have his cake and eat it! Why are you letting him be in your life, let alone sleep in your bed? He has said he is leaving and is seeing someone else. It sounds pretty cut and dry to me – get rid of him!
I broke up with my ex four months ago it was a long distance relationship he ask for four months break now we are not distanced what should I do to fix the relationship and win him back?
I dated my ex for 11 months he broke up with me 2 weeks ago cause I went through a month of being depressed and stressed because it seemed he had never had time for me any more and I really needed his attention , I guess he found that to be insecure and drama and broke up with me.. broke up with me 2 weeks before Xmas, new years our 1 year and my bday .. I haven’t heard from him in 6 days last night . He sent me a pic of his pups that were just born and then today he said merry Xmas..all I said was nice .. I really want him back cause I know we can make it work but I want him to come back to me and apologize to me