Tomorrow morning we’re going back for a second look at what I’m 95% sure is going to be where we get married. As you may remember, when we visited the first time I became a little bit emotional and had to take myself off into a corner to pull myself together, a sure sign, given my notoriously stony heart, that it was the place for us.
So now I’m scared.
What if when we go back the second time it doesn’t feel the same?
What if I look at the stained glass and don’t feel the same swelling in my chest? What if I gaze up into the beautiful ceiling and don’t get that prickling sensation behind my eyes?
It’s a ridiculous thing to worry about I know, but I was so blown away by the intensity of my feelings last time, so convinced by how right everything felt, that I can’t quite believe I’m going to be able to go back a second time and feel the same. I just want everything to be perfect and beautiful, to create this wonderful, happy day that stays with me forever.
I have to stop fretting about it, because it feels like I’m putting myself under pressure now, and the more you tell yourself you have to like something, the harder it is to feel any genuine emotion. The first time we visited I think a lot of the emotion came from the sheer surprise of having such strong feelings, and I’m anxious that it’s impossible to recreate that, piling on the expectations as I now am.
Does it sound silly to be worried about going back a second time? Am I ridiculous to be nervous?
Photo – wedding chairs from Producer/shutterstock