I met this man.
I’m not going to tell you anything about him at the moment as he is my Special Secret Thing. I don’t want to ruin it all by having him realise I am the kind of girl who blabs about boys all over the internet, although of course that is exactly what I am. Don’t tell him though.
What I can tell you though is that he is doing funny things to my head. I have found myself thinking about him rather a lot, possibly around 98.6% of the time. Roughly. A friend described me as ‘giddy’. That about sums it up.
One of the side effects of meeting someone new is that you start to look at yourself and your surroundings in a new way, over-analysing every detail. You look at your mismatched crockery and wonder whether it reflects your eclectic interests and thoughts, or if it just makes you look a bit cheap. You look in your underwear draw and physically shudder. An examination of your wardrobe reveals that you are going to be a little stuck after date three, unless your date is really into old jeans and fleeces, and you start feeling the urge to spend money you don’t really have on pretty new things. Pretty new things you can casually brush off as old favourites should said date compliment you.*
Cue an email from Joules, asking if I fancy writing about their new range. ‘Well sure Joules’, I reply. ‘I was in your new Taunton store only today, contemplating all manner of possible future scenarios.’
Here are my thoughts on four key looks that all single mummies need to master:
I’m not really one for hiking. At the weekend, what I really want to be doing is lying in bed reading the papers and drinking tea, perhaps with a selection of pastries. At the start of any new relationship though you have to pretend that you enjoy nothing more than a brisk countryside walk, so as to appear wholesome and athletic.
For that you need one of these for sure:
Sweet yet sexy girlfriend
‘I’d really love you to meet my friends’ is a line every girl looks forward to hearing. It implies that he has got to know you well enough to believe that you’re not a total clod, and aren’t about to do something embarrassing in public. Oh how little he knows you.
Your outfit of choice for when you first meet his friends is very important – you want to look just about pretty enough so that his male friends secretly quite fancy you, but not so much that his female friends decide there and then that they hate you and go off into the kitchen to bitch about you. It’s a difficult balance.
I’ve never been very good at coats. There is something about a nice coat though that can transform a woman from ordinary into ‘Wow, look at her and her coat, she must be a Proper Grown-Up.’
For extra impact, turn up at his workplace in this coat and nothing underneath. Only if he has his own office though, not if he works on a building site or anything. And not as a first date thing unless you want to look like a crazy person. Practical yet stylish parent
‘Oh I don’t know,’ you have to say, whisking a batch of freshly baked muffins from the oven, ‘parenting isn’t really that hard, it’s just about empathy and creativity.’ Rubbish. It’s about the Disney Channel and grabbing any moment of peace you can to lie in bed with a mystery novel. Your new man does not need to know this though.
Convince him that you are an in control parent with some sort of lovely blouse:
*Come on, none of this is just me surely?