The recipe for a perfect man

This week, one of my favourite bloggers, Mommy has a Headache, tagged me in a post, asking me to come up with my recipe for a perfect man – the top ten things I look for in a potential partner. As she pointed out, it could be great advertising after all. If you can tick seven or more, please invite me out for dinner.

I fully appreciate of course that my Mr Right will very likely match up to none of these things. I have been in a flighty mood this week though, so I was glad of an excuse not to do some real work. So, here goes:

My perfect man would make me laugh. A lot.

He must have an appreciation of the basics of grammar. I’m not saying I’d kick a man out of bed for the odd spelling mistake, but I would very happily turn down any invitation along the lines of ‘can i take u out 4 dinner?’

He would ideally enjoy cooking, washing up and other household chores.

He would compliment me, lust after me, make me feel gorgeous and sexy and desirable. At dinner parties he would touch my leg under the table and give me looks that said ‘I need to have you right now. Make your excuses and meet me on the landing in two minutes’.

He would mix a mean cocktail, and would be able to do clever tricks throwing bottles and ice up in the air.

He would be caring, and thoughtful and kind, but not afraid to take control and push me hard against a wall when necessary. Literally and metaphorically.

He would be understanding of my habit of buying books I know I will never read.

Mr Perfect would be sociable and like all my friends, and I would like his. He would say things like ‘why don’t we have some people round for dinner this weekend, I fancy making a lovely big chilli, drinking some beer and playing some scrabble’.

He must be able to love the inconsistencies in my personality – I am fiercely independent, but want to be looked after. I appear confident and self-assured, but have strong doubts about my self-worth. That sort of thing.

He must not twiddle the hair on his moles during lunch.

And that’s it. Not much to ask is it?

In case anyone else fancies the challenge, I’m going to tag a few friends so they can tell me what they look for in the perfect partner:

No wriggling out of writing

Now I am thirty

Mr Shev

Marketing to milk

Quavers for Breakfast

39 Comments

  1. Lauren 20 October, 2010 / 8:51 am

    Good and bad news Jo… He DOES exist, but unfortunately he’s mine! Well, maybe apart from the Scrabble bit. But he’s still learning, so I’ll let him off… Completely agree with you on the grammar though. I went on a few dates with a bloke who didn’t know the difference between “their” and “there” or “where” and “were”. Needless to say, it didn’t last very long!

    • jomiddleton 24 October, 2010 / 4:00 pm

      Damn it. We need to meet up soon – I need to meet this fantastic man… Are you doing anything on 10 December? Keep it free if not, I have plans afoot…

  2. maryfclark 20 October, 2010 / 9:06 am

    Your list looks perfect. Esp the bit about having your inconsistencies acknowledged– being v independent does NOT mean you never need looking after!

  3. Heather in Lapland 20 October, 2010 / 9:22 am

    ewww mole hair twiddling. I think I just puked in my mouth a bit.

  4. angelsandurchinsblog 20 October, 2010 / 9:27 am

    Any man who asks you to take your books to the charity shop because they’re “gathering dust” is a definite no. Oh, just realised… Reader, I married him. Guess no one’s perfect.

    • jomiddleton 24 October, 2010 / 3:58 pm

      lol – that’s why you need someone who likes housework – so they can dust them for you…

  5. Secret Squirrel 20 October, 2010 / 9:29 am

    He needs to drive

    and pee standing up

    • jomiddleton 24 October, 2010 / 3:57 pm

      *snort* not sit down for a treat??

      The driving bit is a must, you’re right. I forgot I once cancelled a date when I found out he couldn’t drive…

  6. kla 20 October, 2010 / 9:55 am

    Wow!! :)

  7. Kenneth Bladon 20 October, 2010 / 10:21 am

    I tick most of the boxes – so what about it – by the way I’m 53, and greying. Cocktails are a bit beyond my ken; a nice real ale and whatever you fancy in a proper English pub – preferably thatched and in a pretty village is mor likely to float my boat.

    • jomiddleton 24 October, 2010 / 3:57 pm

      Damn, and it was the cocktails part that was the deal breaker…

  8. Louise 20 October, 2010 / 1:21 pm

    It’s hard to disagree with your description of the ideal man – he sounds amazing!

  9. the dotterel 20 October, 2010 / 3:26 pm

    Here I am…. oh, hang on (fiddles distractedly with mole hair…)

    • jomiddleton 24 October, 2010 / 3:56 pm

      Now you know I’d make an exception for that in your case Tim :-)

  10. Brian 20 October, 2010 / 5:00 pm

    That seems like a completely reasonable list. I hope you find someone who fits the bill.

  11. hilly 20 October, 2010 / 7:27 pm

    Totally agree with the list, but in my state of extreme fatigue, I misread the title and was expecting to see a “receipt for a perfect man”.

    • jomiddleton 24 October, 2010 / 3:55 pm

      Hahaha! But if he was perfect you wouldn’t need the refund would you?

    • jomiddleton 24 October, 2010 / 3:54 pm

      You are fab :-)

      I love that I have finally been able to give you the opportunity to come out to the blogging world…

  12. EmmaK 21 October, 2010 / 1:56 pm

    Thanks for doing this – keeping fingers crossed that you will find a grammatically perfect non-hairy mole twiddler!

    • jomiddleton 24 October, 2010 / 3:53 pm

      My pleasure – it was fun! I tagged some people who I knew would give much more thoughtful and less shallow answers than mine too!

  13. John Hedtke 21 October, 2010 / 2:04 pm

    I don’t juggle bottles and ice, but I’m good on pretty much the rest. Well, I do have to force myself to clean catboxes and do laundry, both of which activities are not my faves. And I am devilishly good-looking, which has always been a plus. But I’m booked. Oh, well….

    It always amazes me that the standards for men are, effectively, so low and yet most men fail to meet them. Speaking on behalf of my species, I do apologize for our generally low behavior.

  14. scholarlymom24 21 October, 2010 / 2:09 pm

    Yeah, I don’t think that is too much to ask. May you soon find your Mr. Right, although, even if he does match that description most the time, it is hard I think for everyone to be consistent all of the time. We each have good and bad days.

  15. Emily 21 October, 2010 / 8:09 pm

    I’m gonna go out on a limb and disagree….. i await my punishment!
    My partner is nothing like this, but I still love him. He does make me laugh a lot and he is enormously kind even when I don’t deserve it. But he uses text speak regularly, never cleans anything, wouldn’t know an alcoholic beverage that isn’t a beer, would never admit to playing scrabble (even though he loves it) and regularly misreads signals I try to send through the airwaves as ‘have you got a headache dear’ instead of ‘lets go to bed, I want you now’.

    Although… if you do ever find this man you’re after I offer you h.u.g.e congratulations because he does sounds dreamy :)

    Emily
    normalityandme.com

    • jomiddleton 24 October, 2010 / 3:52 pm

      No punishment I promise!

      I think you’re dead right – when Mr Right comes along he will must likely be a mole twiddling, book hating hermit, but I will love him anyway :-)

  16. Katie 22 October, 2010 / 10:00 am

    You don’t want much then? Sounds perfectly reasonable and easy to find.

    • jomiddleton 24 October, 2010 / 3:51 pm

      No. I am very easy to please. *lies*

  17. Rin 22 October, 2010 / 1:15 pm

    Ooh, only just saw this Jo! Will get on it :)

    • jomiddleton 24 October, 2010 / 3:45 pm

      I’ve just read your post and it’s perfect – exactly why I tagged the people I did, because I knew I would get such thoughtful responses. A good antitode to my ‘must mix good cocktails’ :-)

  18. Preseli Mags 24 October, 2010 / 11:27 am

    I think my OH scores 9/10 on your list. They do exist… but they’re all married… er as was mine when I first met him. Sometimes they come back on the market!

    • jomiddleton 24 October, 2010 / 3:39 pm

      Ah yes, that’s so true, the best ones usually are aren’t they? There is always comfort in the fact though that about half of marriages end in divorce don’t they? Although I’m not sure that is MEANT to be a positive statistic.

      • Nick 26 October, 2010 / 12:37 am

        Love the “er, as was mine” ,

        Yes usually they all are, but due to market turnover reappearance does happen. There are just a few of us 10/10’ers left!

  19. Elisa 1 November, 2010 / 12:08 pm

    Excellent list! Mine would look very similar.

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