Today I have spent a lot of time pacing.
Some days my pacing is productive – I wander around the house, come across little jobs that need doing, and get them done. I feel relaxed and productive. I’m happy. Sometimes I hum or do a little skip. In these circumstances it is not really pacing, so much as pottering.
Other times though my inability to settle in any one place is not productive or relaxed. It is distracted and futile and makes my neck hurt. I am writing this in a bid to stay in one place for more than ten minutes but I’m finding it hard and the inside of my legs feels fizzy. I’m restless, like a tiger in a cage at a zoo, only far less glossy and agile.
Last week my removal boxes arrived, and this weekend I’ve begun sorting and packing. Yesterday it was definitely pottering – I methodically unstuck blutac from walls, stacked books, unhung pictures, but today I can’t recapture the same easy rhythm.
I keep starting jobs and then getting bored. I walk into a room, look around, with my hands of my hips, sigh loudly and pull a face, and walk out again. I’ve half filled several boxes and half filled the car with off cuts of wood and broken screwdrivers, but not got as far as the tip.
I even started watching an episode of Wife Swap while I ate my lunch, but got bored before the rule changes and instead decided to empty the bottom of my wardrobe. As I type, my bedroom floor is awash with old shoes, squashed handbags and broken coat hangers.
Last night I was just the same. I kept waking up in the night, feeling angry, repeatedly sitting up, frowning at my pillows, kicking my legs around and then grumpily lying back down again.
Nothing is actually wrong, so why do I have this permanent scowl?
I need some tips. What can I do to sooth my restless self, uncoil my shoulders and stop my brain from twitching? What works for you?