A short rant about an offer of vaginal rejuvenation

I had an email this morning from a PR I’ve person not worked with before with the offer of a review for my blog.

‘Hi Lovely!’ it began, which immediately made me want to punch the sender in the face.

‘Hope you’re well,’ she went on. ‘We are looking for a Mum who’s had several natural births, for a non-invasive £5K vaginal rejuvenation treatment on offer with top Harley Street Doctor.’

What the actual f***? My first thought was of the doctor adjusting his head torch, and going in with a feather duster and one of those Dulux tester posts of satin finish emulsion. And then I got pissed off.

I wrote back.

‘Thanks for your email but it’s not one for me thanks,’ I said. ‘I have had two natural births which were, as you say, NATURAL. I’m quite happy with my vagina and do not want or need it rejuvenated. I find it very sad that women are made to believe that they would ever need to spend £5,000 on something as ridiculous as this.’

I mean come on.

I hate this. I hate that women are conditioned to loathe their bodies to the point that they would consider spending actual money on having their VAGINAS REJUVENATED. What the hell is the matter with the world?? Can we not just content ourselves with the MIRACLE THAT IS BIRTH?!?!

vaginal rejuvenation

Image – Vasiuk Iryna/shutterstock

‘Oh yeah, I have grown and birthed two healthy human beings, but to be honest I think things are looking a bit shabby down there now, so I should probably have that tidied up.’

FOR WHO??

Who are we doing this for?

I’m pretty sure it’s not for ourselves. Do you crouch over a mirror every morning and dream of rejuvenation? After the treatment would you get dressed thinking ‘I’m so glad I had my vagina tidied up, I’m going to look so much better for it in my meeting this afternoon.’

It made me mad.

Is it just me?

19 Comments

  1. 19 May, 2017 / 2:15 pm

    All I can think is = what IS vaginal rejuvenation?! I’m intrigued! (And a bit grossed out.)

    • Jo Middleton
      19 May, 2017 / 2:32 pm

      Spot of Farrow and Ball wallpaper maybe? Or an extension?? *mind boggles*

  2. 19 May, 2017 / 5:10 pm

    I’m wondering how a vaginal anything can be non invasive. But no, I don’t want to know. Great post, perfect reaction.

    • Jo Middleton
      19 May, 2017 / 5:20 pm

      Very true, I’d not even thought of that!

  3. Carina
    Twitter:
    19 May, 2017 / 8:56 pm

    It’s certainly not just you. Punching in the face would have been my first instinct too. Do men have penile rejuvenation? No, thought not. Do men have babies and stretch their bodies to ridiculous extents to go through the trauma of childbirth, which, although awesome. miraculous and fulfilling ( so they say) is also the second most painful thing a human can go through. It is offensive, foul and clearly done by a man. I’ ve had 2 natural births and never even think about what impact that may or may not have had on my body. Our bodies are fine, thank you very much.for the kind offer but I think most women would rather leave their perfectly fine bodies unrejuvenated. Ta, anyway

    • julia
      29 September, 2017 / 8:37 pm

      what’s the first most painful thing?

  4. 19 May, 2017 / 9:18 pm

    Okay first I laughed, because you are funny, but then I got mad, because you’re right, this is ridiculous. Also ‘non invasive’. How’s that? Unless, like you say, they’re tickling it with a feather duster (ooh err) then I don’t see how it’s possible for something to be rejuvenating your nads and be non invasive, Secondly, ‘natural’ birth. Like other births are unnatural. Quick, alert the village elders. I mean, for goodness sake.

  5. Keri Jones
    19 May, 2017 / 10:46 pm

    I know you’re mad but this post made me laugh! You’re spot on- what the actual f?! How would you even review that? “oh here are my before and after pictures” LMFAO!!!!!

  6. Ann marie
    Twitter:
    19 May, 2017 / 11:07 pm

    Oh my goodness how shocking! Made me smile though. As a mum I barely have time to comb my hair let alone worry about my downstairs!

  7. Vicky
    Twitter:
    20 May, 2017 / 10:23 am

    My mind boggles…what exactly is a vaginal rejuvenation?
    For most people it sounds crazy, but if anyone has been damaged by childbirth and has medical issues (say incontinence or prolapse or something else)…is this treatment any actual use for them? or is it just cosmetic?

  8. Jerry
    21 May, 2017 / 11:40 am

    As a man my opinion may be totally off mark…it is me nonetheless…a woman who’s had a couple babies tends to know more about her body and her “special spots”…she is also more likely to voice her desires to her partner

    I said that to say if a man is gonna bitch about his partner’s vagina whose had two children is pretty damn lame…he doesn’t deserve the blessing of an awesome woman…

    Stupid, this “Barbie doll” mentality…I’d rather have a mother for a partner…just me…and probably not well expressed

  9. 25 May, 2017 / 8:42 pm

    Wow i would of been pretty pissed off if i got an email like this

  10. 24 June, 2017 / 9:16 pm

    OMG, I completely agree with everything you mentioned above. Who in their right mind would go for this procedure?! Just another additional thing for us to feel bad about? No thank you! Loved your email response :)

  11. Jacki
    Twitter:
    1 July, 2017 / 8:20 am

    Good grief…
    Not sure why anyone would go through this-unless something had ‘slipped’ during labour??!!
    If it’s just to keep lover happy then I’m an old fashioned gal..new hair do and dimmer switch works a treat ❤️
    Xx

  12. 1 July, 2017 / 9:20 am

    I’m wondering if a woman has had bad tearing or incontinence/pelvic floor issues (in which case send the email to me) but if it’s just for a tidy up as you say then how can that be non invasive? Unless they think we’re so used to smears anyway. I don’t care what my vagina looks like but two births have definitely done their best to make me feel like an old woman in the toilet dept

  13. 3 August, 2017 / 12:10 pm

    OMG that made me laugh so much! Not sure if it was rude or hilarious or both, but I love that you had the cojones to reply back to them xx

    • Jo Middleton
      4 August, 2017 / 9:11 pm

      I was so stunned, I had replied really before I’d even had chance to think about it! It was so outrageous!

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