How cool are you?

Sometimes I worry that I’m not very cool.

OK, that’s a lie. I know I’m not very cool. Just reading that sentence out loud, hearing the way I say the word ‘cool’, you can tell that I am not it. I sound like a really old woman telling a teenager they are ‘spunky’ and imagining myself to be down with the kids.

My complete lack of coolness was highlighted recently by a trip to a local independent cinema. The expression ‘local independent cinema’ should really have been a red flag – the very notion of a film being not really suitable for mainstream cinema implies that it is far too cool for the likes of me with my leather handbag full of Tesco vouchers and Smints.

Whilst we waited for the film to start I had a browse through a programme and came across the following write up of an upcoming event. Take a minute to read it carefully; afterwards there is a quiz.

Coolness test

OK, now time for the quiz.

Q. Did you read this programme excerpt and think:

A. Yo, that looks sick, I am totally down with thrift-store vinyl.

B. What on God’s earth are blank mastering lacquers and does a rotating platter have any sort of Chinese snacks on it because I’m starving?

C. Why did I even read that? I found this stupid blog by accident when I was looking for porn.


If you answered C then you probably aren’t still reading so good riddance to you. If you answered A then you are clearly way too cool for me.

If you answered B however, welcome to my world! Shove that thrift-store vinyl onto the floor and pass me a spring roll.



  1. 3 February, 2014 / 4:13 pm

    Is there some sort of automatic hipster word generator that just spews out random cool-sounding phrases? Because if so I think that came from it.

    Had it been about food, every third word would have been “artisanal”, so there must be at least two settings.

  2. 4 February, 2014 / 6:52 pm

    Good god. I have no idea what any of that meant, other than a couple of djs are in town. I could have saved them a lot of money and paper on word per copy!

  3. 9 February, 2014 / 7:02 pm

    I used to think I was quite cool before having kids. Now speaking to my teenage brother makes me feel ancient. He uses words I haven’t even heard of, I thought his text had a typo in it because he had described a girl as ‘peng’, turns out it means attractive?! x

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