I’m having one of those days today where you question the point of things. It’s very annoying. It could be summer holiday boredom kicking in already, but as it’s still actually only the weekend, that would seem a bit premature.
It’s a really frustrating way of thinking, and I’m hoping if I write it down, it will sound so self-indulgent and pathetic that I will be shamed into thinking more positively.
This is how the conversation went this morning in my head:
“I probably should get up now.”
“Well, it’s 10 o’clock, and Belle has been downstairs on her own for an hour watching TV and eating goodness knows what for her breakfast.”
“Ah well, she’s happy. Who cares? You getting up is hardly going to solve the over-population problem, or end poverty is it?”
“No, but I probably should anyway. And I have that piece of work to start which is due tomorrow, and I really should write a blog post.”
“Why do you need to write a blog post? Who cares?”
“Well, I haven’t written anything for a few days, so I thought I should…”
“Pah! Like anyone would even notice if you stopped completely. What exactly are you hoping to achieve with it anyway?”
“I don’t know really, I’m just sort of writing it…”
“Just sort of writing it?? With no long-term plan? No PURPOSE? That’s lame. How does writing a blog ultimately help you? What’s it for? People are dying every second you lie there thinking about it you know.”
You see? Not very helpful internal dialogue. One part of me just wants to get on and not think about things and Enjoy The Moment, the other part insists on questioning my long-term motives for doing just about everything. It’s a real pain. Especially when I know there isn’t actually an answer or a point to anything.
When I write it down though it DOES just sound like me moaning, so I suppose this post has been useful after all. Not interesting or entertaining maybe, but a helpful kick up the arse for me.
I will get on with the day now and stop complaining.
It IS a little self-indulgent, but you know what, it’s how the majority (including me) thinks. Too bloody often. Pah, my kids have been watching tv now for 3 bloody hours this morning, while i tweet and blog. Am i a blogger or a mother for Christ sake?!
It is also true that the happier people are those that live in the moment. And don’t ask what purpose everything is serving. Remember my post about Being, rather than doing?
Now get on with writing that next bloody post cos me needs a daily slummy hit!
Three hours eh? Ok, that makes me feel a bit better! I just wish sometimes I was simpler, and could switch off more easily. I stopped at the co-op for a bottle of Gordons on the way home, maybe that will help :-)
Dear Josephine’s Inner Voice,
Why does she write? She writes because there are people who have their day’s brightened by this blog. I have said it before and I will say it again. I am 43, male, no kids, and I am completely addicted to this ‘Mummy’ blog.
I am not the demographic and yet here I am. You are wrong inner voice, so very wrong. There is value in making people happy, and great writing makes me happy. I can’t speak for her other readers, well maybe I could, If I changed my voice and used hand puppets or something, but I digress. The point is, life is confusing, there are distractions and tragedies all around. To be able to take a few minutes and read a delightful story, and possibly chuckle, is such a treat.
So I say leave Jo alone. Let her sleep in.
Thanks Brian, I do know you would be bereft without my blog, so that is meaning enough for me :-)
Just wanted to send you hugs.
Sometimes it’s easier when you set up a schedule and stick to it.
And you do have a project this summer!
That’s true! I should immerse myself in my special project! x
My 5 year old says grownups make things too complicated. The meaning of life is playing and sausages. I hope this helps & sorry you are having a blah/pah day.
Playing and sausages? That sounds pretty insightful for a five year old – something along the lines of the model of the hierachy of needs? Food, people etc… Wise words indeed.
Just sort of writing it is the best sort of writing isn’t it? Then you just have to rewrite it. And rewrite it again. Staying in bed seems a very good idea in that case. x
Maybe I need to take up the notebook under the matress again and just spew out some thoughts. Most of my writing lately has been on the blog or for work, do perhaps my creative/moaning side is feeling neglected.
You want to know the meaning of life ?
I personally think (Sherlock Holmes style) that “When you eliminate the impossible, then whatever is left, no matter how improbable, must be the truth” can be applied here. Eliminate all the meanings you can and see what’s left ….
And the answer is …. “To prepare you for what happens after life”, what else could it be ? It’s either that or “sod all” really :) Least this gives hope that the after life is better than the “present” life somehow :-p
I suspect this is all a Matrix style illusion. I’m actually plugged into some kind of computer and this is all just level one of a complex game…
PS your post wasn’t “moaning”, the mere act of writing these things is presumably cathartic ?
Playing and sausages …. Sounds good.
Well it is cathartic, but I feel I should really keep the high level moaning for a notebook somewhere, and use the blog to entertain people with my wit and charm :-)
Personally I’d prefer the philosophical musings than the wit and charm :)
” I am 43, male, no kids, and I am completely addicted to this ‘Mummy’ blog.”
This has not escaped our attention. Creepy.
Hey! Leave Brian alone – he MAKES this blog :-)
He also makes us nervous
I agree-not a word against Brian!
Someone told me once that I ‘make problems for myself’ with the ever present internal dialogue. He was quite right. There isn’t much point to anything really but does that matter? It’s in our genes but just have to ignore it as best we can and live in the moment blah blah blah…
Mind you I have been fretting for a week because Finn had a Tic in his head… An Actual Tic.. In His Head…
I’m just sort of writing mine too. I write about all sorts of cheerful stuff – today I wrote a post about misery lit. It was almost worth getting out of bed for…. ;-)
I’ve been going through those sort of dialogs in my head too. It’s the summer holidays though, so I’m allowing myself to be lazy. It’s certainly not something I can do long term, so I’m making the most of it! ;) x