About a week ago I had a dream. Now I know listening to other people’s dreams is terribly dull, almost as boring as listening to children read, but bear with me and I will do my best to inject enough smut to make it bearable.
In my dream, Nick Clegg was secretly in love with me. Regular readers will know I’ve always had a soft spot for Clegg, even before the TV debates propelled him into a lot of women’s ‘top ten politicians I’d have a go on’ list. I don’t know if I am attracted to his liberal principles or if it’s just the fact that I always seem to be drawn to losers, but whatever the reason, I quite fancy him.
Now my subconscious isn’t usually backwards in coming forwards, so when Clegg showed up I was looking forward to a bit of back bench action – Nick bending me over a ballot box perhaps and driving home his…er…policies on electoral reform…
But no such luck. In the dream all he could manage was to sneak me love notes inside campaign leaflets. He did get as far as inviting me to his office, but when a member of his staff knocked on the door I was quickly made to hide in a cupboard between boxes of stationary. Not very sexy.
And then last night Clegg put in another appearance. After our flirtations the previous week I felt sure he would make his move, but again I was left disappointed. This time he invited me to his house to meet his wife. In my dream she was of course much more drab and harassed looking than in real life, else I would never be able to compete, but there was still no Clegg action. We exchanged meaningful looks and when I left he kissed me on both cheeks and then, bizarrely, on my forehead, but that was the extent of our passion. True, Miriam looked a bit bemused by the forehead kiss, but it was hardly grounds for divorce.
Today I have been thinking about my Clegg dreams and wondering if they mirror his political position. In my dreams he clearly wants me (he is only human after all), but try as he might, he doesn’t seem able to make the next move – he lacks authority and ultimately comes across as a bit wet. And perhaps that’s how it is within parliament – the power he has pursued for so long is tantalisingly close, but will he be able to assert himself and take the steps to get what he wants?
My brain clearly doesn’t anticipate a sexual relationship developing (I’m back to me now, not talking about Clegg and Cameron), so it looks like I’ll have to content myself with a kiss on the head and some sneaky glances. I just hope that my dreams aren’t a sign of things to come, and that Clegg’s brief fling with power can become more than just a flirtation.