I know we’re all getting a little bored of the election now, but I felt I needed one final post to wind up my recent splurge of thoughtful political comment. Don’t you just love this photo? This is clearly Dave’s ‘let’s try to look like I care what this black man in Plymouth is saying’ face.
So, it has just been announced that Gordon Brown has officially offered his resignation to the Queen, she has accepted, and Brown has gone through the motions of recommending Cameron to form the new government. (Get me with my finger on the pulse). A formal coalition between the Conservatives and the Liberal Democrats now looks almost certain, especially as Cameron seems keen to compromise on pretty much anything to get into power – electoral reform, inheritance tax, income tax reform – apparently no policy is too significant for the Tories to dump/amend as required.
I was thinking about the election battle this morning in the car, as you do, and it occurred to me that I am perversely rather excited about the idea of a Tory government. I am totally un-Tory of course, would never vote for them, and would never knowingly sleep with a member of the Conservative party. Why then am I almost relishing the prospect of Dave leading us all into financial ruin?
It is symptomatic I think of a deeply entrenched tendency to punish myself. obviously the manifestation of some deep-rooted psychological defect, but we’ll brush over that for now. Let’s look at the facts, some examples of my self-destructive habits:
Food and drink – I eat too much and drink too much, but often in a bizarre taunting way. It’s like I am challenging myself to drink more and more, knowing I’ll feel terrible the next day, or eat biscuit after biscuit, even though I’ll end up feeling guilty and slightly sick. I’m not sure this one counts in the strictest sense though, as there is actually short-term pleasure involved in all that boozing and biscuit munching.
Work – this is a good example. I routinely take on jobs in which I am clearly underpaid and overqualified. A part of me clearly doesn’t have a lot of faith in what I’m actually worth. I find it very difficult to leave jobs too and will normally stay long after I’ve outgrown a role. Now I’m self-employed I generally feel bad about having to charge at all. (Anyone looking to employ a very reasonably priced copywriter or fundraiser should get in touch).
Relationships – where to begin on this one? Let’s just say I’m not renowned for picking the right man. If I say anymore I’m likely to find myself slipping into ranting, lonely old spinster territory, which is never pretty, and certainly not going to help my cause.
Anyway, back to the point. What was my point? Oh yes, a Conservative government. You can see now why part of me is eagerly anticipating slashes to the budget, compulsory fox-hunting for the over 12s and ritual flogging of single mums – it will just be another opportunity for me to feel bad about myself. Perhaps I should offer myself up for the stocks now. ‘I confess! I’m a single mum and I claim tax credits! Hang me now!’
To stop myself wandering even further off topic (it’s been a long day), I think I will stop now and perhaps instead have a quiet cup of tea in a dimly lit room. Apologies to anyone who googled ‘Gordon Brown resigns’, expecting insightful political commentary. You’re out of luck. As you will now realise.