Your wedding seat plan can get complicated even if everyone is on good terms with each other, never mind when you have children from past relationships, ex partners and extended families involved. Who are you going to invite and more importantly how will they all interact on your wedding day?

Everyone won’t appear to be the perfect family, however they should have the opportunity to celebrate the joy of your love without forcing anyone to act like one.

As per the Office for National Statistics there are 781,000 step-families in England & Wales according to the most recent census in 2021. Each family will have unique bonds and your wedding plan should allow for this.

What you’ll learn:

• Decide Which Exes to Invite and Set Boundaries
• Choose a Venue With Room to Breathe
• Give Stepchildren a Real Choice
• Build a Seating Plan Around Comfort
• Keep Photos, Speeches and Handovers Simple
• Wrapping It Up

Decide Which Exes to Invite and Set Boundaries

This all depends on your current relationship with your ex partner. Speak with them and understand how they may feel about attending your wedding.

Perhaps they co-parent with you and have a positive relationship with you and your partner, your ex partner could be welcomed to the wedding. If there is animosity or worse towards either party, it may not be appropriate for them to attend your wedding.

As a couple, speak with your family on your guests list. You may wish to agree on who will attend, if they have a new partner and boundaries. Try to avoid inviting family members who may pressure you to seat someone who could make your wedding uncomfortable.

Speak to your children about the situation in an easy to understand way. They shouldn’t have to pass on messages or be expected to tell other parties who is or isn’t attending.

Just because your ex partner is attending does not mean they have to play a bigger role in your wedding day.

Again, your extended family doesn’t need to know or comment on your decision. You can answer briefly to let them know if they are unhappy with the outcome, it’s best to keep it private and stick to your guns.

It’s always better to communicate who is invited to avoid any surprises on the day.

Choose a Venue With Room to Breathe

When visiting your favourite luxury wedding venue, take the time to understand where people can relax prior to the ceremony, are there areas the kids can hang out and how do people enter into the wedding lunch/dinner area. Allowing your wedding guests to have some space can be beneficial if they have people they wish to avoid.

Stockton House offers exclusive-use wedding venues and a range of ceremony spaces to choose from. They also allow you flexibility on arrival and departure times which may be suitable if your guests require time to spread out and enjoy your big day.

Once you’ve found your dream wedding venue, walk the path between the ceremony space and your dinner location. This allows you to see where your guests may stand if they’re entering at the same time, which can create an uncomfortable scenario for certain family members.

You can also ask questions about how your day will flow, can the wedding coordinator lead your guests to their seating areas, can a family member leave the day at a certain time or can they be separated to help reduce stress?

Your family doesn’t have to all sit next to one another, but allowing people the space can go a long way.

Give Stepchildren a Real Choice

Children can feel elated and heart broken on wedding days, sometimes both at once. It’s important to allow your children to feel special, but not obligated to be a part of your day if they don’t feel comfortable.

Sit down with each child separately and ask what they would like to do at their parents’ wedding. Some children like to walk down the aisle, perhaps a younger child can hold the rings with someone nearby, maybe they want to choose a song, read a verse or nothing at all.

Some teenagers may not want to do anything, especially if they know that it will attract attention to them, if they don’t want to walk down the aisle or recite their vows, don’t force them, they’re still part of your family, just not on the wedding party list.

If your child does want to do something, explain what they will be doing on the day and allow them time to practice if needed. Always have a plan in case they do change their mind, you don’t want to put your kids in an uncomfortable situation.

Try to not mention things like becoming a “happy family” in front of your children, although this may sound sweet, it can make them feel like they aren’t accepted, as they may still be close to their other parent.

Tell your children they are important to you, that’s all they need to know on the day!

Build a Seating Plan Around Comfort

As mentioned above, wedding seat plans can become difficult when creating your top table, here is why you should seat your family by comfort, rather than by family members on each side.

By creating a seat plan that focuses on your family’s comfort, you can help reduce uncomfortable situations. First, figure out who you don’t want to sit near one another, how many children are attending and if they need someone they feel close to. Fill in your remaining guests, they may not all be family but it will allow you to seat people who are comfortable together.

There are a few ways you can go about this:

• A table for two: Just you and your partner, and allow the rest of your family to be seated amongst guests.
• A small top table: Allow yourself to sit with whoever you feel comfortable with, it doesn’t have to be family.
• No top table: You and your partner are seated with the rest of your guests.

By doing this you can help avoid uncomfortable seating arrangements with family, but also allow your kids to feel happy that they aren’t forced into these situations. If you want to seat your children closer, maybe sit your children with their favourite auntie, uncle, grandmother etc. Or if your older children are happy to sit with friends, allow them to have fun on their night out!

Seat your children with someone that they can approach during the meal, ask your kids what they are comfortable with, maybe they would like to eat with their cousins, or maybe a parent or family member that they are comfortable with.

Use a seating plan board that clearly states who is sitting where, have someone at the doors to assist with questions.

Keep Photos, Speeches and Handovers Simple

You may have some issues during your lunch, but what about at the end of the day? Photographs, speeches and the end of your wedding day should also be taken into consideration when you’re planning your big day.

Have a photo shot list that you can hand to your photographer, include who you want photos of, who you may not want to appear in your photos and be safe, have 2 family shots that include close family, instead of a full photo that may be awkward to take.

Speeches allow your guests to speak on your behalf, but ask them not to make fun of previous relationships.

Thank your family for coming, you don’t need to over state that you’re now a close knit family, it’s enough to say that your family has meant the world to you and you couldn’t have done it without them.

Speak to the parents that may be caring for your children, in advance who will collect or care for each child at the end of the evening.

Speak to a close friend, or your wedding planner/coordinator and allow them to assist with any small queries, you want to focus on enjoying your wedding, not answering everyone’s questions.

Wrapping It Up

Allow yourself to enjoy your wedding, and your guests. Whether you have had step children, children from previous relationships or a full blended family, allow yourself to enjoy your big day and not force your family members into any situation they may not be happy with.