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I used to work with a guy who went on a Caribbean cruise every year. Every year he would come back saying he had put on half a stone, mainly in prawns. It sounded amazing honestly. I had visions of seafood buffets as far as the eye could see.
As I’ve got older my urge to cruise has become stronger and stronger. I love the idea of waking up somewhere new every morning without having left my bed, the slow pace, the enforced rest and relaxation. And the prawns. Did I mention the prawns?
In my mind of course I would be strolling along the deck, drop my handkerchief and bend down to pick it up at the same time as Captain Hastings. Poirot would doff his hat to me and call me ‘mademoiselle’ and we would chat about the views and they would probably invite me to join them for dinner. I would become embroiled in an exciting mystery where Poirot would use me as bait to seduce the handsome scoundrel who had been swindling beautiful women across Europe out of their inheritances and together we would extract a confession and save the day.
Like this but fewer pyramids
Wait, where was I?
Oh yes, cruises.
What I really need to do is to make this cruise dream a reality. I need a spend a happy afternoon browsing MSC cruise deals and making Pinterest boards of cruise outfits and practising my lock picking skills, just in case. A good amateur sleuth can always pick a lock, ideally with a hat pin, which I will always have to hand because of the stylish cruising hat I will be wearing.
I picture my cruise in the Caribbean because why not? The Caribbean is beautiful and lends itself very nicely to a book title – ‘The Curse of the Caribbean Swindler’ perhaps. Reese Witherspoon will play me in the film. I will wear something long and flowing to the premiere.
And in the meantime I will stick with swooning over cruise118 and maybe having a prawn sandwich.