In my head right now I am singing ‘here comes the bride’. Take a minute if you will to do the same and get into the right mood.
(Note that I am singing the ‘here comes the bride, all fat and wide’ version, because that’s the only version I know.)
(Another thought – does it even have words?)
Anyway, that’s the kind of mindset I need you in, as today I am sat at home waiting for the arrival of my eBay wedding dress. I have never bought a wedding dress from eBay before; in fact I don’t know if I have even bought a regular dress from eBay before. It’s jolly exciting anyway.
I wish I could tell you all about it and post a picture, but that would rather spoil the whole ‘groom not seeing your dress’ thing wouldn’t it? I could ask him not to look, but what groom is really going to think ‘sure, I’ll let the whole of the internet look, but I’ll be sure to avoid that one blog post.’
I’ve never been into wedding dresses as a thing, so have no idea if it’s even going to suit me. I’ve never looked at wedding dresses for fun, never even tried one on before, even just to pretend. I am a complete wedding dress virgin. Today will be my actual first time.
Shopping for a wedding dress on eBay however was actually much harder than I thought it was going to be. What’s with the pictures?? It’s almost like the sellers don’t actually want any bids.
This is how I imagine these people must be thinking:
“Hmm, let’s see, I need to take some really amazing pictures to show off my ‘only worn once’ wedding dress, so I can get a good price for it and try to offset the thousands of pounds I spent on personalised wedding favours that nobody remembered to take home with them. What shall I do? Shall I post a professionally taken picture of me in it on my wedding day so that people can get a really good idea of how it looks? Nah, I know what will work better, I’ll just hang it up against this white wall in semi-darkness.”
Or worse still..
“I’m not sure I can be bothered even to find a coat hanger, so how about I just drape it on the bed? These white sheets will be the perfect backdrop. Even better, how about I just chuck it on the floor? Lying it in a heap leaves so much to the imagination doesn’t it? How magical!”
No, people of eBay, you are wrong.
You are trying to sell a white dress. Do not, I repeat DO NOT, take your photos against a white background. DO NOT just lie the dress out on the floor and stand over it and think that this will become the stuff of dreams for any bride to be. It will not. There is nothing fairytale about cheap laminate flooring.
A bride imagines herself actually IN the dress for a start. No one shops for a wedding dress thinking ‘I must choose something that I know is going to look amazing when I take it off and drop it on the hotel floor at the end of the day.’