Would you eat a poo for a million pounds?

Would you eat a poo for a million poundsI love having children. As a parent you are forced to face those great philosophical questions that only children can pose.

“Mummy,” Belle asked me last week, “would you eat a poo for a million pounds?”

“My own poo or someone else’s?” I asked, as clearly there is an important difference morally.

“You own poo,” she reassured me.

“Yes,” I said.

She looked horrified.

“That’s disgusting,” she said, clearly speaking as someone who has never had to pay a bill in their life, “I would never eat a poo.”

“Good for you,” I said, “but a million pounds is an awful lot of money. It would change your life forever. Eating a poo would be over really quickly.”

She looked like she would never quite be able to think of me in the same way again.

It got me thinking though about exactly where my boundaries would lie – how little money would I need to be offered to eat my own poo? I didn’t dwell on it for long as I don’t imagine it’s a situation I’m ever going to actually find myself in and the thought of it was making me feel a little queasy/ashamed.

What other things would I be prepared to do for a million pounds though? Would I sleep with a stranger? (Yes.) Would I murder someone with my own hands in cold blood? (No.) What cruel ways for me to humilate myself might someone be able to come with that would warrant the cash?

I certainly don’t feel like money is everything but I would like to just not have to think about it. Money can’t buy you happiness but it can buy you a certain amount of freedom – it gives you choices, and sometimes it would be nice to be able to choose. I would like to own a house one day for instance, to know that it was mine, and I think eating a poo might be worth that security.

What would you be prepared to do for a million pounds and where would you draw the line?



  1. Carrie Talbot-Ashby
    4 December, 2014 / 3:58 pm

    Yes I’m with you, I would happily chow down on my own Christmas log for a million…although about half of that million would then be spent on mouthwash, otherwise hubby might not want to kiss me anymore! lol But yeah, think the least amount I would do it for is £10 and half a curly whirly….I’m a simple girl at heart lol :-) hehehe!

    • Jo Middleton
      5 December, 2014 / 8:42 pm

      Hahaha! I’m off to Tesco Express for a curly wurly and to use the cashpoint…

  2. 4 December, 2014 / 4:54 pm

    Haha! I’ve been asked this question with different variations by my own kids over the years. To be fair there’s not a lot I wouldn’t do for a million except kill someone!

    • Jo Middleton
      5 December, 2014 / 8:41 pm

      I found it hard to think of anything I wouldn’t do apart from cold blooded murder!

  3. 4 December, 2014 / 10:04 pm

    Once you’ve picked your precious child’s brown fish out of the bath with your bare hands, having a munch on one of your own is only a short step. (That said, it would have to be a smallish one, and I’d be very careful what I ate in the days before) I think I might have to spend a bit of the million on vodka first though, just for anaesthetic purposes, you understand.

    • Jo Middleton
      5 December, 2014 / 8:41 pm

      You’d absolutely need a little numbing beforehand.

  4. 5 December, 2014 / 12:30 am

    Hmm, that’s interesting. When I was in junior school a girl in my class offered me £20 to eat an olive. At that age, £20 was a LOT of money, and I’d never had an olive before. They really are an acquired taste. I really wanted that £20, but I couldn’t bring myself to swallow the olive, as hard as I tried.

    Even now, my brain says eating your own poo for a million pounds is fine. I just did some research and as long as it’s your own poo it’s safe to eat it, apparently. BUT I don’t think I’d be able to get past my own gag reflex, no matter how much money was on offer!

    • Jo Middleton
      5 December, 2014 / 8:40 pm

      I think the secret might be to get hideously drunk. That way you wouldn’t remember it in the morning either, after than perhaps bad morning breath…

  5. 5 December, 2014 / 11:17 am

    When I saw this pop up in my Bloglovin my initial reaction was “omg, no!” and then it dawned on me how much I could do with that money and, despite the idea making me heave…a lot…I would give it a try for a million!

  6. Val Pownall
    5 December, 2014 / 12:50 pm

    Now are we talking about eating it ‘straight’ … or can we add anything to disguise what we’re actually eating? Seasoning? Lol!

    • Jo Middleton
      5 December, 2014 / 8:40 pm

      I hadn’t considered seasoning to be honest. What did you have in mind? Popping it on a bit of toast? Baking it in a brownie mix?

  7. 5 December, 2014 / 8:29 pm

    Haha!! No I honestly couldn’t do it, in fact I would struggle to do many things for a million pounds. I couldn’t eat a pickled egg or an egg mayo sandwich. Or anything that I didn’t like really. I couldn’t do things like sky diving either. I’m a total wimp and a fussy eater!! x

    • Jo Middleton
      5 December, 2014 / 8:35 pm

      You couldn’t eat a pickled egg for a million pounds??? What is the matter with you??

  8. 5 December, 2014 / 9:06 pm

    hmmmmm…… I think for a million pounds I probably could just make myself!

  9. 5 December, 2014 / 11:27 pm

    I’m very glad you wrote this, so I can mentally prepare myself for the day one of my children ask me! And I have no idea. It is a huge amount of money, but eughhh :-) x

  10. 6 December, 2014 / 12:24 am

    yeah I would pretty much be able to do most things I think, apart from hurt anyone. Ooh how can I get a million pounds?! x

  11. 6 December, 2014 / 2:17 am

    I’ve had a giggle at both this post and the comments but I’m also feeling a bit queasy (though not ashamed). I think I would do a lot of things for a million pounds, really. I still can’t get over the fact that Jess wouldn’t eat an egg mayo sandwich for a million pounds!

  12. 8 December, 2014 / 6:17 pm

    haha! the bit that really got me was ‘clearly speaking as someone who has never had to pay a bill in their life’…that bought it home for me!

    i like to think (that feels wrong to say) that i would at least TRY to. i have a verrrry sensitive gag reflex though. could we ..bake it into a cake or something or would it have to be on its own? would it still have to be warm? (UGGGGH *shudder*) or do you think a little time in the fridge would be allowed? i’m thinking about this too much.

  13. 8 December, 2014 / 9:43 pm

    I think disguised in a cake for sure – it obviously worked for the maid in that book/film The Help as her nasty boss woman ate the whole thing! yum!!

  14. 15 December, 2014 / 9:13 pm

    Hahaha, I love this post and the comments as well – especially the one about the curly wurly. I honestly could not eat a poo for a million; even just thinking about it makes me go all funny – I’d run naked somewhere though, Probably. At night. Ha!

  15. 16 December, 2014 / 1:07 am

    I think this is a really interesting question and I think just due to the pressures of life that many people would eat their poo for a million pounds wether they admit it or not.

    Laura x

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.