When trainee journalist Rhiannon Davies asked if she could write a guest post for my blog I was very flattered, and excited too. When I read her piece on the joys of noisy sex though, I must admit I felt a teensy bit inadequate. Since moving to a smaller house, with children’s bedrooms either side of me, loud sex is rather tricky.
To comfort myself that my sex life is fine even if the neighbours aren’t banging on the wall, I asked mum of three Ella Tabb, aka Purple Mum, to give a different side of the story, and the explain why in her opinion, quiet sex can be just as good.
Which side of the fence (or should that be bed?) do you sit on? We’d love to know what you think – is noisy sex always better sex?
Rhiannon says…
We’ve all been there, whether it’s a new housemate at University with a tendency to, ehem, ‘voice their opinion’ in the bedroom, a noisy neighbour, or a new house where suddenly your kids are on either side of your boudoir. Culprit or victim, loud sex is a sound familiar to all of our ears.
For me, there’s no question that loud sex is better sex (have you never heard the phrase ‘scream if you wanna go faster’?). In my opinion, if you’re relaxed enough to belt out your pleasure, then everything is going to feel better. But then, I’ve never faked an orgasm, and having been the one desperately tearing my room apart to find my head-phones and drown out the noise, I can certainly see why the debate against noise equalling pleasure is there.
To prove to those of you who don’t believe in loud sex, I’m going to get out the big guns and rebuff you with science. Screaming-sex requires a lot of oxygen going in and out of your lungs, thus, oxygenated blood is spread everywhere, making things a lot more sensitive (girls, you have twice as many nerve endings as men, I am talking to YOU). Gym bunnies – why do you exhale when you lift weights? Because it lets your muscles r e l a x, the point of orgasm is a contraction of muscles, moaning releases the tension. Basic biology.
On an emotional level (and provided that you aren’t faking), loud sex lets your partner know that you’re enjoying yourself. How are you supposed to tell them what you like if you say nada? I’m a firm believer in being able to laugh during sex, and although I’m not suggesting you wake your neighbours up with well-placed humour, noise in the bedroom can be a great a bonding opportunity, stop wasting it.
I’m not saying go at it like a porn-star, but when it feels good, what’s wrong with saying so? Let’s face it, they’re going to hear the sound of the headboard banging against the wall anyway, so why not complete the symphony. If you don’t mind the idea of being loud, but hate the idea of being overheard, wait until they are out. If you can’t wait, well, it’s obviously too good not to share.
Ella says…
Science has proven that noisy sex results in better orgasms. I’m not entirely sure that in my case I agree. Ok first up I am not judging you if noisy sex is your thing. In fact I have to admit I’m a teeny bit in awe of you, but I don’t think I will screaming in the throes any time soon and here’s why.
Firstly I have children, three children in fact, and noisy sex could result in waking the children, this would not lead to a better orgasm! Basically when you’re a parent sexy time does change somewhat. Going from doing it whenever and wherever you fancy to grabbing a stolen moment when the children are asleep, on the rare occasion that you are not completely knackered from the sheer relentlessness of parenting. The location goes from finding somewhere new and fun to bonk to finding somewhere not covered in lego (ouch) and not too close to the children’s bedroom. Anyway I digress.
The other reason I am a quiet lover is that it basically doesn’t occur to me to make any noise. I am just naturally quiet in bed, which is odd considering that on any other occasion you literally cannot shut me up. I have tried to make more noise, thinking a little heavy breathed screaming might help my partner feel appreciated, bedroom applause so to speak. However doing so made me feel a bit silly, and took me away from the moment and into my head which is not very sexy at all. Virtually impossible to orgasm whilst thinking I really must make it sound like I am enjoying myself.
So there you have it, if noisy works for you then that’s great, and apparently your orgasms will be better than mine. I have to say though I am perfectly happy being quiet in bed.
Massive thank yous to both Ella and Rhiannon for such honest and entertaining posts.
The science bit is correct regarding the O2,so to make a better orgasm whilst having to remain quiet due to the kids……..doo really deeep breathing as you are ‘on the way’ thus having the same effect as screaming!!! works for me!!
Ooh, great tip! I’m definitely going to try that :-)
one of the advantages of your children leaving home…..much more fun
Gosh yes, I can imagine! Nothing like a couple of kids and a modern house with thin walls to cramp your style.
Oh Jo – I just LOVE you. Never one to shy away from controversy. I’m lucky if we find any time to have sex with Dexter!!!
Well when you DO get round to it, make sure you try the deep breathing thing ;-)
I love your blog! Always a fab read. Will be putting this to the test later!
Let us know how you get on!
Being single, sex is always … a lone affair! Having said that, when I do eventually get round to actually doing it with someone else, I’m definitely in the noisy camp. DEFINITELY.
Hmmm… now that raises another interesting question, (which you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to!), are you ever noisy if it’s just you?? Going with the science argument, it might be worth a try!
me and my rabbit are nearly as noisy together as me and my hubby ( just supplying this info for scientific research purposes)
Of course Elaine. It’s all about the science…
Reblogged this on Rhiannon Davies. and commented:
Is noisy sex better sex? I argue the toss (pun very much intended..) with mum of three, Ella.
Blimey. We live in a small cottage in the middle of nowhere and sex is a nightmare at the moment.
3 kids, all middle to late teens, one of which stays up late most nights. I hate having sex thinking they may be lying in bed listening, eyes wide open and getting traumatized – just don’t feel like sharing this part of my life with my grown up kids.
We don’t have the budget to regularly book a sexy hotel or whatever, and them leaving home is not likely to happen for a good few years. Very occasional sleepovers is about it at the moment.
It’s a really good point – when people think about sex and kids you imagine babies and toddlers don’t you, keeping you awake and stuff, but actually it’s the teens that are tricky as they stay up so late!! Plus they KNOW what you’re doing, you can’t tell them it’s just a special cuddle…
Yes. i’m loud but my toddler never wakes, he’s in the room next door. I worry more about when he’s older and more aware!
That’s the thing – even if he did wake now he wouldn’t know what was going on would he?
I think it depends what mood you are in! Sometimes noisy sex is better, sometimes quiet sex is better. Giving birth to twins naturally has made me think abstinance is better still! Lol.
If you are of the noisy sex following, you could always go down the bound and gagged route to surpress some of the noise! ;-D
Xx
Haha yes, there is always the bondage tape :-) (TMI?)
I worry about the neighbours hearing. The walls are that thin!
what utter twaddle you write
No I don’t think it is better. But there again most of the sex I’ve had hasn’t been particularly noisy so I don’t exactly speak from experience.
I work part-time and the husband works out of home. Sometimes after the kids go to school we scamper to the boudoir. However, after years of being quiet because of not wanting to wake the baby, toddler, grade school child or being heard by the teenagers I find making noise during sex to be … really distracting. I try to make noise but it does not enhance the situation. Maybe we need cocktails…