A funny thing happened to me yesterday

So I thought I’d tell you about it. It’s not very interesting, but it’s been a while since I told a proper story, without so much as a mention of a product of any kind, so here you go. What a treat!*

Yesterday I took Bee to the dentist for some fillings. (That’s not the funny thing. In fact it’s funny that I’ve not had to take her sooner, given that she has clearly inherited my horrible rotten teeth.)

As she is now practically a grown-up, she went upstairs on her own for her appointment. I also get a little bit funny around dentists, and have to count things to stop feeling panicky, and I didn’t want to have to sit on the one chair in the room with Belle on my lap, wriggling about and blocking my view of the phone cord by the door that I like to count the loops of.**

So anyway, waiting downstairs away from the drill I felt much calmer, and didn’t need to count anything at all. In fact, I spent a good ten minutes instead horrifying myself with Men’s Health magazine. Honestly, it was dreadful. Pages and pages of different exercises for your abs, interspersed with pictures of women in their pants and articles telling you how size really does matter. It’s no wonder men are insecure is it? No-one actually cares about abs, and most women I know would take an offer to do the washing up over an abnormally large penis any day.

Where was I?

Oh yes, the dentist.

So, I’d been sat there, fretting about the state of the media, for about ten minutes, when a man walks in with a large camera. (Not a euphemism). He has arrived, it transpires, to take pictures of the surgery for the company’s website, and for the Business of Dentistry Magazine, which looked actually rather stylish for such a dull sounding publication, and probably has far less ab exercises in it.

"dental x-ray"

My teeth pose for a picture

One of the receptionists, a red-head, immediately turned the colour of her hair, and the other patients in the waiting room looked like they’d rather have teeth pulled than get involved, which was fortunate really, given our location. The second receptionist though, an older woman in the brightest blue eyeshadow you have ever seen, was well up for it, and was cracking jokes about contacting her agent and winning an oscar.

Belle and I of course played it cool. I waited at least two seconds to volunteer us to play the roles of ‘interested looking customers’. You know I don’t like being the centre of attention after all. (Oh no, hang on a minute, that’s a lie). Anyway, I’d actually brushed my hair before I went out, which doesn’t happen often, so I thought I should make the most of it.

So while Bee was upstairs, having adrenalin accidentally injected into one of her blood vessels, (which I did feel afterwards that perhaps I should have been there for), Belle and I pretended to look fascinated by some floss, while the photographer snapped away. It was quite fun really, and meant we could casually say to Bee when she came down that we’d ‘just done a quick dental photo shoot’, which sounded funny, and is ironic, given the state of my teeth.

Who knows where this could lead? This year it’s the Business of Dentistry Magazine, next year I might be in my pants for Men’s Health…

*Heavy sarcasm implied here, as it really isn’t a very interesting story.

**In case you ever want to try it, I should warn you that counting the loops on a phone cord is very hard to do without hurting your eyes. Every time I blink I have to start again.



    • 18 September, 2012 / 3:09 pm

      I’ll let you know Steve when they make me an offer :-)

  1. 18 September, 2012 / 3:05 pm

    Oooh, you famous lady! I think your smile is absolutely radiant, though :)

    I might be in a dental textbook! When I got my braces off, my orthodontist quite liked the look of the x-ray he took, so he gave me a release form to sign in case he ever wanted it for something. Sadly, the textbook teeth have since degenerated. But if I see dental x-rays in the media, I still check to see if they feature the distinctive piece of wire that secretly holds my teeth together in the back…

    • 18 September, 2012 / 3:09 pm

      Oh wow, a book!? That is way cooler than a magazine! I do always wonder about the use of braces. Everyone I know says their teeth just went crooked again afterwards, but then perhaps not as badly as before. Were they worth it for you do you think?

      • 18 September, 2012 / 3:28 pm

        I would say yes, but being American I am very invested in my teeth and their presentation! We didn’t have much money, so my mother haggled for the price of the braces, and we raised the rest of the cash by selling timber. I would definitely put braces on my own children, because I can’t really see past my own values on this subject – we really do view poor teeth as some kind of moral failing, indicative of poor character and bad investment. Almost everyone in the social class that pursues higher education has some variation of straight white teeth.

        I used to have a cute Hermione gap between my front teeth, but they’re cemented together with the piece of wire, and have never moved again. And I do wear a retainer most nights. I’ll never really be sure how privileged I’ve been because of my smile. After moving to Britain, they’ve gotten pretty stained by tea, and ten years post-removal they’ve started to look a bit less HYPERAMERICANPERFECTTEETH and more natural, but I still think they were worth the $2000.

        or, as it were, the 12 acres of pine trees.

  2. rinsimpson
    18 September, 2012 / 3:21 pm

    Remember, you’re a director now, and that means no lowering the tone of the company by posing for men’s mags! ;)

  3. 18 September, 2012 / 5:37 pm

    My god YES this could spawn a modelling career for you. Do you remember Melinda Messenger’s ad ‘Class Behind Glass’ which launched her career??? It was for double glazing. you can see it here if you search http://www.advertisingarchives.co.uk/en/page/show_home_page.html
    I think you could do a similar campaign for dental floss. The slogan would be ‘There’s nothing between me and my dental floss but a load of plaque’

    • 23 September, 2012 / 11:48 am

      Definitely! And I am so photogenic (NOT). It would be perfect.

  4. 19 September, 2012 / 7:39 am

    Loved this! Just tried to count the loops on my phone cable and it hurt. Might have something to do with the entire bottle of wine last night.

    • 23 September, 2012 / 11:47 am

      Not the wine Celia, it is HARD!

  5. 10 January, 2014 / 1:15 pm

    Hi-Spec double glazed Conservatories. Offering security and design at a great price.

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