The one where Bee is hilarious

“I read your blog today in my free period,” said Bee, as I prepared her a wholesome dinner of beans on toast. “It wasn’t that great. I don’t really like it when you try to be serious. No offence. Constructive criticism and all that.”

Indeed. Such tact and diplomacy these teenagers have.

“You just like it though when I write down funny things that you’ve said don’t you?” I replied.

“Well yeah, cos that’s the only bit that’s funny.”

I decide to call her bluff. “Go on then,” I challenge her, “say something funny.”

“Do you want to hear some dead baby jokes?”


“Well I can’t be funny like that just on the spot can I?” she flaps. “Urgh, OK, hang on, I know…”

There’s a long pause, while she straightens her face and composes herself, and then she whispers, “Boobies!”


“Oooh, oooh, I’ve got a joke!” she says. “What do you call a dog with no face?”

“I don’t know, what do you call a dog with no face?”

“Dog-not-face!” She collapses into hysterical giggles. “What do you call a cat with no face?”

“Cat-not-face?” I hazard a wild guess.

“Yes! How did you know?” She’s bent double now. I’m clearly missing something. “What do you call cheese with no face?”

Good grief.

“Normal cheese!” she says. “Cheese doesn’t have a face you know.”

“Well thank you darling, that was all wonderful,” I say. “I shall go and write it all down now before I forget, I’m sure it will be a big hit.”

“Will you call it ‘The one where Bee is hilarious’?” she shouts after me, as I disappear off to find my laptop.





  1. 23 January, 2012 / 6:24 pm

    You really should. I’d be nothing without you.

  2. Sarah
    23 January, 2012 / 8:21 pm

    To the right audience, those jokes are comedy gold.

    I bet my 4 year old thinks they’re funny :)

  3. 24 January, 2012 / 10:15 am

    My 4 year old is not dissimilar to Bee – just not as articulately disparaging.

    Have kids will blog x

  4. 24 January, 2012 / 10:33 am

    You’re lucky, my seven yr old tells jokes that are so long and awful that I switch off half way through and then I’m supposed to laugh at the end! It’s painful! He thinks he’s a natural comedy genius – I may have to tell him the truth some day!

    • 27 January, 2012 / 2:16 pm

      Haha, seven is a great age for terrible jokes! My nine year old is the same – I just smile, nod and laugh.

  5. Emily Hutchinson
    24 January, 2012 / 6:31 pm

    I feel compelled to share my ‘best’ joke with you…

    There was a man
    and every day he patted his dog on the head
    and after 37 years
    he had a dog with a really flat head

    • 27 January, 2012 / 2:15 pm


      I did actually laugh :-)

  6. 24 January, 2012 / 9:01 pm

    lolol, all this I have to look forward to! Eeeeeeeeekkkkkkkkkkkkkk

  7. 26 January, 2012 / 6:55 am

    This is actually hilarious. Well done Bee x

    • 27 January, 2012 / 2:09 pm

      She is a very funny girl. Gets it from her mother.

  8. 26 January, 2012 / 2:38 pm

    Love it. And go on, Bee… start your own blog. You’re right – it would be great :-D

    • 27 January, 2012 / 2:07 pm

      I suggested it to her, but she doesn’t think she’d be funny if she wrote it down herself! I think we make the perfect team – she says funny stuff and I just type it!

  9. 31 January, 2012 / 12:37 pm

    I do love reading about Belle and she’s funny even when put on the spot. And the way you document these snippets of life is wonderful!

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