I was coming home from visiting a friend in Cambridge over the summer holidays, and as I drove down the slip road onto the motorway I was faced with a giant billboard, offering me the chance to meet the man of my dreams through the website sugardaddie.com.
As the name almost suggests, the site offers the opportunity for both men and women to meet people who are “classy, attractive and affluent” at the same time as “eradicating the issues of financial stress that modern living can bring”.
Sounds good doesn’t it?
I’ve never had Money. As a child we never had money, which is why at 16 I became pregnant in a bid to get my own council house and sponge off the state for life. (Joke.) The pregnancy part isn’t a joke of course, but I have never lived in a council house…
As a single parent, travelling a 100 mile round trip everyday to go to university, I didn’t have money. I have never had a boyfriend with money either – I’ve never been bought expensive gifts, or been surprised with European city mini breaks.
I’m not saying I live in poverty – my days of eating pasta ‘n’ sauce from a camping stove are a good ten years behind me – but money is always there, in the background, I am always aware of it. I can afford to eat out, to waste cash on sparkly bangles when I fancy it, but it is always in the back of my mind – I can spend money, but it is always a choice. I can buy the handbag, but not the shoes.
So, the idea of money not being an issue is of course attractive. It must be incredibly liberating to not have to always think about money, to not be restricted in the choices you make, and to be bought lovely presents now and again.
But can money buy you love?
Could a man with money make you happy, even if other areas of the relationship were somewhat lacking?
I’m thinking probably not.
Money buys you choices, but it doesn’t buy you happiness. Or does it? If you had the opportunity to travel the world, eat the finest foods, drink the best wines, would it be enough? Would other shortcomings fade into the background?
You could say that marrying money is simply a matter of financial planning – in a recession, with cuts being made left, right and centre, a secure pension suddenly becomes very attractive. However much we might like to believe in equality, the fact remains that women earn less than men, and that bringing up a family can have a detrimental effect on future earnings. Marrying for money therefore could be seen as nothing more than a wisely placed investment.
The thing is though, I already have a pension. What I don’t have is a partner to share my hopes and dreams with. I can see that money might bring security, but how much satisfaction do you get from holding your bank statements close in bed every night?
Way I see it is you have to keep an open mind, you could meet the “man of your dreams” from the site if you used it. Whose to say ? It’s easy to intimate you might not marry for money but hey if eh’s got money it’s a bonus !
Seriously though I know a woman with money, she’s very very very attractive, and disgustinly rich and lives in Alderley Edge (where the footballers and rich types are) and Lugano in Switzerland. She’s told me on more than one occasion she’d marry me given the chance. She’s a good match for me in several ways and I could imagine marrying her (if I wasn’t already married etc) even if she had no money.
So Steve – she’s fantastically attractive, horribly wealthy, and would marry you at the drop of a hat… why haven’t you snapped her up?? We all know your existing marriage isn’t exactly happily ever after – this sounds like a much better option!
You think wrong, I wouldn’t give my wife up …. I married for life “till death us do part” etc. If you think my marriage isn’t “happy” then you’re reading what I say wrong.
My mistake then Steve. It’s just the impression I’ve got from your comments – not that you’re ‘UNhappy’ as such, just perhaps not actively ‘happy’. But then who is to say what being happy in a relationship even means…
“Seriously though I know a woman with money, she’s very very very attractive, and disgustinly rich and lives in Alderley Edge . She’s told me on more than one occasion she’d marry me given the chance.”
HAHAHAHA! Absolute bollocks!! I’m sure glamorous women are queueing up to marry sad, fat internet mongs.
Keep deluding yourself and thanks for making me piss myself laughing!
I’ll save myself for you then Sally if I’m a “fat internet mong”, as you’d be clearly more my “level” judging by the level of your “eloquence”. For the record I am not “fat” and at 45 a damn sight slimmer than most men of my age. Mong ? If you say so. Considering my level of education, background and how well read I am I’d say you’re wrong, but there again it probably takes a “mong” (as you put it) to make such comments about another poster on a public forum.
As for the Alderley Edge lady, you don’t know her like I do, and yes she would marry me and has tried to encourage me to leave my wife on a number of occasions. I have no idea what it is she sees in men but I’m obviously her “type”.
Hear hear – let’s all be nice to each other please Sally. *frowns sternly*
Think you’ve got it figured right: I think it is the choices, the options, that money *might* be able to provide that help it to assume such a massive place in our daydreams.
There’s nothing quite like the idea of money is there? You can’t help but imagine a wonderful life in which you are so much happier/funnier/thinner – not quite the reality though I’m sure!
I don’t think being very rich makes you happy, but I do think that being permanently skint can make you unhappy. Constantly having to worry about whether you can afford basic things like the gas bill and your car insurance is very stressful.
I’ve never taken into account someones financial status when it came to making a decision as to whether to go out with them or not – I imagine being rich by default wouldn’t feel the same anyway.
I think you’ve got it right – money doesn’t guarantee you happiness, but not having any certainly doesn’t make life any easier. I wonder what it would feel like to have always had money? I guess you would just take it for granted, so I don’t suppose it would have any impact. All the stuideis show don’t they that money makes us unhappy generally – just feels so hard to believe when you don’t have any!
I think that if we ever won the lottery it would be the end of us. I would want to do things with it, make changes for people and he’d want to buy a fast car. Or another bloody watch. Funny thing money, I’m not so keen on it myself. I’m neither rich nor poor and, as such, I consider myself very very lucky with my lot.
If you won enough though you’d be able to do both!
Living ‘the expat life’ I meet some people who have a lot – a LOT – of money (I don’t count myself in their number, btw). Does it make them happy? No. Some of them might be happy but invariably those are the people who would be whatever their lot. Many of the others have fast cars, bling to die for, holidays to gasp at, and yet still they are insecure, unhappy, extremely discontented, and disconnected from the rest of us. So no, it doesn’t make you happy. (But having a 5 carat diamond on your finger might help to take away some of the pain, I suppose…)
I’m sure you’re right – sounds like they all have a case of affluenza – we are apparently all getting more and more miserable the more money we get. You just feel a string of diamonds would soften the blow :-)
I have never been ‘rich’ but I have at one time in my life been pretty well off (and my then girlfriend – now wife – was also earning more than me). It does liberate you because it is one less thing to worry about; it liberates you to think about the more important things: love, health, family, happiness and contentment; and how to get them. It helps you to get perspective on these things because you don’t have the constant buzz of money worries in your mind’s ear.
Money, however, cannot buy you love. Your ‘Mr Right’ has more chance of being a member of the big, average lump in the middle of society – he may well be part of the top ten percent but the numbers are not in your favour. However, I have noticed that a lot of ugly, rich men have great looking wives – make of that what you will.
My favourite quote about this is from Groucho Marx: ‘Money can’t buy you happiness, but I’d like a chance to disprove the theory…’
I think that’s the thing isn’t it – not having to worry about it all the time frees you up to focus on the other, more important things. When money is tight, it can cast a shadow over everything else that you do.
But if the only interesting thing about him is his money, what happens if he goes broke? We all know that economic times change and get harder so it makes sense to at least like someone, whether they have money or not!
Well you’d have to dump him obviously and go back to the site for a replacement :-)
I think if you have to choose from Mike with megabucks and Edward empty pockets after the first date, you’d go with Mike every time. Right?! But, in the end, money isn’t forever. anything can happen. So if you’ve chosen Mike solely on his packet (let’s limit this to money for now, that’s a whole different set of choices), if hard times hit, will you still find his nose hair cute and forgive him his bad body odour?
Being serious, it all depends on the woman doesn’t it? i couldn’t give a toss how much money my husband has, though i wouldn’t have chosen to live in poverty. But some women need money, crave money, and for them that’s more important than love.
What a waffly comment. soz
You’re right – if it was a straight choice I can’t imagine why you’d choose the poverty option, but then I don’t often find myself faced with a queue of men and their bank statements, having to make a decision!
I’d marry for money, I’d have to get on with the man too but I’d happily spend my life housewifing to a man who I married for money.
You see I would rather spend the money on a cleaner :-)
I’m an incurable romantic think love will work irrespective of restrictions, if two people love each other and are meant to be they will be