I don’t often buy new shoes. To be honest I hate shopping for shoes. It’s a good job that no one has (as yet) offered me a part in a Sex And The City remake, because I really would suck at it. I spend most of my time in a pair of black flats from Clarks, that Bee calls my ‘Topsy shoes’ as she reckons they would look good on Topsy of ‘Topsy and Tim’ fame. I think Topsy is about four years old.

I also have very unsexy wide feet, with comedy lightbulb toes, so it’s hard to find shoes that are comfy. My feet are really not my best feature.

When I do get a new pair of shoes then, it is a big deal and I have to genuinely love them. My new shoes are red and beautiful and make me feel happy. My family agrees that they are ‘very me’, which I think is an insult, but I’m trying to ignore that. They are by Clarks, but I got mine through Zalando. Before I even put them on I loved them. Before they even arrived I loved them.

Watch this short clip and imagine this is me talking about my shoes:

Now you get the idea. Aren’t they lovely though?

And here they are on the end of my legs. I think they look very happy.

They are very me and I like that.

*smiles and skips away like fictional four-year-old character*