Today I had an intriguing email. It was titled ‘looking for a single mummy.’ It was from a man, I can only presume, who introduced himself as Henry.
Hey, am Henry from Africa, Nigeria to be presided. Am 25 of age and am really looking for care and support from any single mummy around for a son to take care of. I saw your email online so I decided that I let you know that someone is interested in your caring. Thank you for audience, I hope for a positive reply. Thank You.
Well. I had only been thinking to myself just this morning how I didn’t feel like I quite had enough to think about, so this seemed like too good an opportunity to miss.
Thanks so much for thinking of me for this role! Just to clarify – exactly what tasks would I be expected to perform? I’m assuming cooking and washing up as a given, but I should warn you that I’m not very good at ironing. Should I start practising or could you do without that?
Would I need to move to Nigeria or would you live here?
I eagerly await your reply.
P.S. When you say you preside in Nigeria, does that mean you are president?
I didn’t need to be eager for long, Henry was quick to respond.
The ironing and stuffs like that is fine with me, I can do without them. I don’t actually mind coming over to where you are and live with you. All I just need is financial supports and also to finish my educations with you. I just hope you understand and feeling.
I liked his attitude. How selfless of him to offer to come to the UK! I did feel though that if I was going to be providing ongoing support that there might be something Henry could do in return.
Well that’s very accommodating of you to offer to come here and live in my house. It’s probably best as otherwise I’d have to learn Nigerian.
If I’m going to be providing financial support is there anything you could do to contribute to the household? Perhaps a spot of light weeding? We have a patch of communal grass outside our house that I have foolishly agreed to share in the responsibility for so maybe you could run the mower over that once a week or so?
P.S. Please can you clarify about being president or not?
Henry was quick to reassure me.
I can handle all of them, trust me. Just help me come over to where you are and I will make you happy, trust me, no doubts about it. Just ensure me your going to help me so that we can start making necessary arrangements for my coming.
Well that’s reassuring. That’s all we all want isn’t it? Someone to make us happy. There was one issue that I felt Henry was being evasive about.
Well that all sounds good, I trust you with all my heart.
I really must ask though about the presidency. This is a deal breaker for me.
Still he avoided the question.
Okay that’s not a problem. So when am I getting feedbacks from you.
I felt I needed to press the issue.
Henry, are the president? I MUST KNOW.
There was a lengthy wait at this point. Clearly Henry was struggling with how to tell me the truth. Finally he responded.
No am not the President of Nigeria.
And the fairytale was ended.
I did wonder if I should feel bad, using this conversation as a blog post at Henry’s expense, but then I remembered that Henry was trying to con money out of me, and probably wasn’t called Henry. So you know.