The one where I nearly become the first lady of Nigeria

Today I had an intriguing email. It was titled ‘looking for a single mummy.’ It was from a man, I can only presume, who introduced himself as Henry.

Hey, am Henry from Africa, Nigeria to be presided. Am 25 of age and am really looking for care and support from any single mummy around for a son to take care of. I saw your email online so I decided that I let you know that someone is interested in your caring. Thank you for audience, I hope for a positive reply. Thank You.

Well. I had only been thinking to myself just this morning how I didn’t feel like I quite had enough to think about, so this seemed like too good an opportunity to miss.

Hi Henry,

Thanks so much for thinking of me for this role! Just to clarify – exactly what tasks would I be expected to perform? I’m assuming cooking and washing up as a given, but I should warn you that I’m not very good at ironing. Should I start practising or could you do without that?

Would I need to move to Nigeria or would you live here?

I eagerly await your reply.

Jo

P.S. When you say you preside in Nigeria, does that mean you are president?

I didn’t need to be eager for long, Henry was quick to respond.

Jo,

The ironing and stuffs like that is fine with me, I can do without them. I don’t actually mind coming over to where you are and live with you. All I just need is financial supports and also to finish my educations with you. I just hope you understand and feeling.

I liked his attitude. How selfless of him to offer to come to the UK! I did feel though that if I was going to be providing ongoing support that there might be something Henry could do in return.

I replied.

Hi Henry,

Well that’s very accommodating of you to offer to come here and live in my house. It’s probably best as otherwise I’d have to learn Nigerian.

If I’m going to be providing financial support is there anything you could do to contribute to the household? Perhaps a spot of light weeding? We have a patch of communal grass outside our house that I have foolishly agreed to share in the responsibility for so maybe you could run the mower over that once a week or so?

Jo

P.S. Please can you clarify about being president or not?

Henry was quick to reassure me.

I can handle all of them, trust me. Just help me come over to where you are and I will make you happy, trust me, no doubts about it. Just ensure me your going to help me so that we can start making necessary arrangements for my coming.

Well that’s reassuring. That’s all we all want isn’t it? Someone to make us happy. There was one issue that I felt Henry was being evasive about.

Hi Henry,

Well that all sounds good, I trust you with all my heart.

I really must ask though about the presidency. This is a deal breaker for me.

Jo

Still he avoided the question.

Okay that’s not a problem. So when am I getting feedbacks from you.

I felt I needed to press the issue.

Henry, are the president? I MUST KNOW.

There was a lengthy wait at this point. Clearly Henry was struggling with how to tell me the truth. Finally he responded.

No am not the President of Nigeria. 

And the fairytale was ended.

I did wonder if I should feel bad, using this conversation as a blog post at Henry’s expense, but then I remembered that Henry was trying to con money out of me, and probably wasn’t called Henry. So you know.

29 Comments

  1. 21 May, 2018 / 11:42 am

    You’ve made me so happy!!!!!! ♥️♥️♥️

    • Jo Middleton
      Author
      21 May, 2018 / 12:41 pm

      You are very welcome :-D

  2. Kimberly Meadows
    21 May, 2018 / 12:19 pm

    This made me laugh so much I wonder if Henry succeeded,I really hope not.Thanks for the laugh xx

    • Jo Middleton
      Author
      21 May, 2018 / 12:41 pm

      Not with me at least! I think I might do it more often!

  3. 21 May, 2018 / 12:27 pm

    hahaha! This really made me chuckle….
    I have replied to the scammers emails before and they are so funny x

    • Jo Middleton
      Author
      21 May, 2018 / 12:44 pm

      It bought me a large amount of joy for a Monday!

  4. Jason Tolliss
    21 May, 2018 / 12:29 pm

    That reminds me I must reply to that Nigerian prince that emailed about that money,

    Btw I’m pretty good at the ironing and cooking stuff

    • Jo Middleton
      Author
      21 May, 2018 / 12:43 pm

      Yeah you want to crack on and let him know your bank details so he can transfer that inheritance you weren’t expecting.

  5. Susan B
    21 May, 2018 / 1:01 pm

    A wonderful laugh to start off the week. I still have tears (of laughter!) in my eyes.
    Thank you, Jo.

    • Jo Middleton
      Author
      21 May, 2018 / 1:11 pm

      Yay! Glad you enjoyed it Susan – I certainly did!

  6. IRIS TILLEY
    21 May, 2018 / 1:56 pm

    Ha that was brilliant Thanks for the laugh

    • Jo Middleton
      Author
      21 May, 2018 / 2:07 pm

      You’re welcome!

  7. 21 May, 2018 / 2:05 pm

    That communal grass isn’t going to mow itself! You’ll be kicking yourself that you let Henry slip through your fingers after a few week’s growth!

    • Jo Middleton
      Author
      21 May, 2018 / 2:08 pm

      I will! I don’t know what came over me with the patch of grass – I think I just wanted to impress the elderly couple who moved in opposite me and have already made their garden look beautiful. I don’t even have a cordless mower so I have no idea how I’m going to do it…

  8. 21 May, 2018 / 5:36 pm

    This is so funny love it brilliant, how you feeling now the bubble has burst.

    • Jo Middleton
      Author
      22 May, 2018 / 9:34 am

      I am slightly worried in case he was undercover and I’ve missed out on the ACTUAL PRESIDENT. Perhaps he was trying to give me a subtle clue??

    • Jo Middleton
      Author
      22 May, 2018 / 9:36 am

      It’s tempting for the mowing…

  9. Emma Winch
    22 May, 2018 / 10:44 pm

    Have you not seen that 1980s Eddie Murphy film where he is an African prince who goes to New York in search of a future queen?? Missed opportunity for sure!! :Hahaha

    • Jo Middleton
      Author
      23 May, 2018 / 8:25 pm

      Yes I have – quite recently actually! That could have been me!!

  10. Sheila Reeves
    25 May, 2018 / 6:55 am

    Loved this, made me laugh even though I’ve been awake since 5 ;) Have you read Joe Lycett’s “Parsnips, Buttered: How to Win at Modern Life, One Email at a Time”? If not I highly recommend it, I laughed outloud a lot!

    • Jo Middleton
      Author
      25 May, 2018 / 11:26 am

      Yes I have and I absolutely LOVE it! I saw him live last year and I’m going again in September. I find him so funny :-)

      • Sheila Reeves
        25 May, 2018 / 5:24 pm

        So jealous! Love him, have a great time in September!

  11. Chris
    25 May, 2018 / 8:52 am

    A FB friend did something similar with an American ‘soldier’. He wanted to visit and hunt with ‘scotch’ people. They had a wonderful conversation about haggis hunting

  12. Sheila Docherty
    27 May, 2018 / 9:52 am

    I have to say I nearly wet myself reading this! I feel so sorry for the lonely people in this world who fall for that crap!

  13. 31 May, 2018 / 9:28 pm

    I hope you didn’t build your hopes up too high about having the Nigerian president live with you, only to have them so cruelly dashed! Great post.

  14. 5 June, 2018 / 1:07 am

    Hm! I get emails from a Nigerian Prince called Henry,
    He says he will share his millions with me if I give him my bank account details.
    Couldn’t be the same chap could it?
    If so, how do you feel about joining me in his harem?
    We would be princesses, I think..
    But I’m Ariel…….

  15. 11 June, 2018 / 11:22 pm

    Pah!! I bet Henry had his bag packed and was waiting at the door with dreams of a better life amongst the grass clippings and the unironed shirts

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