I’ve been single now for coming up five months.
On the one hand I am perfectly happy – work is good, I’m settling into my house, and have the kitties obviously. Who could fail to be happy with three cats of their very own to stroke every single day? I love being able to do everything on my own terms, have all the kittens on the bed without anyone raising their eyebrows at me, spend all my spare money on yellow velvet armchairs from eBay, all that jazz.
But also sometimes I feel lonely.
When I say this to people, or words to this effect, there isn’t a huge amount of sympathy.
‘You don’t need a man!’ people say. (Normally married people. Cheers guys.)
‘Embrace being single!’ (Okay…)
‘You’re perfectly fine just you!’ (Obviously.)
I do know all those things. I don’t NEED a man. I am perfectly capable of doing all the things that need to be done, I have loving friends and family, I can work a drill and I can kick back with a puzzle as well as the next person. I GET IT.
But still, sometimes I feel lonely.
Not in a way where I feel physically alone, but a little bit like something is missing. Just sometimes. Not like I’m sobbing into a tub of Ben & Jerry’s every night or anything, but from time to time it would be nice to have someone squeeze my hand and exchange a glance that’s just for me.
And this is OKAY.
It kind of pisses me off that so often we feel like admitting to this is a weakness. We are pack animals aren’t we? We are DESIGNED to pair off, to work as a team, to procreate. This is normal, and so it’s normal that when you’re not part of a couple, you might find yourself wanting to be, even if just occasionally.
There’s no shame in this.
Why is there so much pressure, especially for women, (or perhaps for men too? Correct me if you disagree), to be independent and single and happy, loving life and standing on cliff tops alone with your hands in the air, praising the universe for your solitude?
Maybe this IS you, and the idea of being in a relationship fills you with horror, and that’s okay too, but we don’t all have to feel totally 100% perfectly happy on our own all of the time do we?