A short rant about lip balms

I have an issue with lip balms. 

I don’t object to the concept – a lip balm is a very useful thing, especially at this time of the year – it’s more the reality of lip balms.

Yesterday I took Belle to Sainsbury’s. I was encouraging a bit of interaction/exercise by trying to get her to run and find ten different items before I got to the checkout, but by item seven, (chicken gravy granules), she had lost interest.

“I’m going to look at the make-up,” she said. “I need a lip balm.”

I know for a fact* that there are already 127 lip balms in her bedroom, so why does she need another one? Think about it for a moment, have you ever actually got to the end of a lip balm and thought ‘Oh look, my lip balm has run out, I need to buy another one?’

No, of course you haven’t, because they are deliberately designed to get lost about three weeks after you buy one, giving you the impression that you really need to buy another one. Or you will be out, and the lip balm you always keep in your bag will have purposefully jumped out at home, so that you have to buy it a chum as you pass through Boots.

Here are a few facts I have made up about lip balms, which I feel must be true:

  • If you put together all the lip balms I have ever bought for myself and my daughters, they would take up an area the size of Wales. (It’s always Wales isn’t it? Why Wales?!)
  • If I had put all the money I’ve spent on lip balms over the years into a savings account, I would now have enough money to buy a small three bedroom house in Leicester.
  • If you piled all of the lip balms I have bought on top of each other, (you might need glue), they would reach to the moon and back two and a half times.

I just don’t understand them. Where do they go?! Why am I always buying them?! Why is my house not literally full of lip balm?

Does anyone else feel like this about lip balm?!

lip balms

*Not an actual fact, but it feels like it.

Image – images72/shutterstock



  1. 21 March, 2016 / 12:16 pm

    This is funny! We too seem to have a lip balm MIA problem at home. What’s worse, lip balms now seem to be part of trends at school much like fashion items. Are you kidding me, lip balms as fashion accessories? They’re just supposed to be moisturisers, not cute little balls that you can decorate with silver stickers. Sheesh. My plan: DIY lip balm that actually works. Not fancy but cheap and definitely sustainable. Does anybody have a good recipe?

    • Jo Middleton
      21 March, 2016 / 12:40 pm

      Belle makes a lot of her own, but it seems to involve mushing up about 3 existing ones, so not terribly efficient. Those ones that are ball shaped and about a million pounds are just silly!

  2. 21 March, 2016 / 1:11 pm

    Yes, I do recognise the million-pound-round-lip balm. It’s been used at school as a weapon, I’ve heard. Apparently it hurts if you receive it on the nose though obviously, that’s not how it should be used:)

  3. 21 March, 2016 / 2:22 pm

    They do seem to disappear don’t they. My boys have them and now the toddlers sees one and proceeds to put it on everything. It is insane.

  4. 21 March, 2016 / 3:14 pm

    O M G this is so true! My husband recently bought me a pack of about 8000 but there’s never one around when you need one. Do you remember when The Body Shop first became a ‘thing’ and everyone was obsessed with the lip balms (and White Musk, obviously). Love this x

    • Jo Middleton
      22 March, 2016 / 10:52 am

      Ah yes, who could forget White Musk?!

  5. 21 March, 2016 / 8:41 pm

    I am obsessed by lip balms but I have no idea where they all go! Lip balm heaven, perhaps? x

  6. 22 March, 2016 / 12:19 pm

    ha! We have literally a zillion lipbalms in the house… yet can i ever fine one??!! NO!

  7. 22 March, 2016 / 1:51 pm

    Ha! Good point. But then don’t you have lip balm favourites? There is definitely a pecking order in my lip balm arsenal!

  8. 22 March, 2016 / 3:12 pm

    I solved this problem by using Elizabeth Arden 8 hour cream! It’s multi-faceted: it works brilliantly so you WANT to not lose it, it’s in a massive tube so it’s tricky to lose it and it’s bloomin’ expensive so again you WANT to not lose it. Win/win!!

  9. 22 March, 2016 / 8:25 pm

    YES! THIS! We have bought so many lip balms. The only one we got to the end of, was because my (then) 4yo twisted it up and then jammed the lid on, so it all got squished and ruined. Those lip balm makers are crafty….

  10. 23 March, 2016 / 1:55 pm

    Unfortunately both my daughters have developed an affection for lip balms and now my house is filling up with them too. maybe it’s because as a young child it’s the first piece of ‘makeup’ they’re allowed and they feel quite grown up. Anyway, I/we don’t need anymore!!!!

  11. 23 March, 2016 / 9:01 pm

    Haha this made me laugh and is really appropriate for me at the moment as my just turned 5 year old asked us to buy her a lip balm the other day. She has literally been carrying it around for ages and then today she turned to me and said that I needed to buy her another ones she has lost it! xx

  12. 25 March, 2016 / 8:36 pm

    tbh I always need to seem to buy a lip balm even though I must have bought ten thousand already, are they like missing socks? Where do they are go? x

  13. 26 March, 2016 / 1:07 pm

    This made me laugh – and created a bit of fear! My little Button-Pusher has just got her first lip balm and is obsessed with applying it! Everywhere we go I turn around and she’s stopped in the street, carefully removing the lid (which goes into a pocket or bag) expertly twisting the stick to get just the right amount (“mummy it will break if it’s too tall”) and applies, not so much like a pro, but pretty much everywhere lip / mouth / chin related! She tells me she’s a grown up girl: she’s 3! Is this it – are we surrounded by lip balms forever now?!

  14. 9 April, 2016 / 4:35 pm

    Yes! Totally. My children actually eat lip balm I think. I bought the two older one each at the start of a car journey not that long ago, one and a half hours later it was completely gone and they were asking for more. No more nice scent/flavours for them!

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