Today I have been thinking about orgasms.
According to New Boyfriend, the natural ratio of male to female orgasms – ‘me time’ and sex toys aside – is five to one, three to one if you’re lucky. Apparently this is Nature’s Way. Something to do with cavemen and childbirth.
I’m pretty sure he is just saying this to wind me up, which seems to be the case with 95% of the things he says, but it did make me wonder.
“Ask anyone,” he said, “it’s just a fact.”
“Rubbish,” I countered, “women are definitely supposed to have more. How about I ask some of your friends next week?”
“Go on then…” he challenged.
“Fine, I will,” I said, easily wound up as I am. “You know it’s the kind of thing I would ask…”
As a preliminary study, I asked some male friends, friends who will remain anonymous as I perhaps didn’t exactly make it explicit at the time that I would be quoting them. The general consensus seemed to be that women should have more than men – “my mrs certainly does, judging from the noises she makes.” Boasts.
Even if it isn’t perhaps the natural outcome, those surveyed (who I’m sure weren’t in any way just saying it to impress), seemed to think it should definitely be the aspirational outcome.
“Three to one might be the ‘natural’ ratio, depending on how excitable one is,” explained one friend, “but the desired ratio would be the opposite of that. It’s nearly always a struggle to obtain that result mind,” he added as a cautionary note, “so you need to consider this in the justification of your argument. You don’t understand the pressure you put on us men with your expectations of performance!”
Personally I’m happy with an equal share, but three to one in my favour sounds good too.
I did have one more honest friend.
“Who has the most orgasms,” I asked him, “men or women?”
“I’m just going by my experience,” he said, “so I’d have to say men.”
Straight to the point.
So, what do you reckon? Who gets most? I dare you to share…
Afterthought: I would like to clarify that this post is in response to a general discussion on the topic, and in no way a reflection of New Boyfriend’s sexual prowess, or ability to finish the job. (Kiss kiss to New Boyfriend).
Unfortunately, I would think the 1 in 5 is pretty accurate – just from my experience. I think my ex actually convinced himself that I orgasmed every time we had sex. I remember him once saying something like ‘but you’ve not come yet’ and I was left wondering what made him think I came every other time. Without letting on too much about that side of my life, I’m not a loud person so never did the whole ‘When Harry met Sally’ thing but I think he just assumed that I had also had an orgasm. I never shattered his illusions, just didn’t have the heart.
Oh no Beth, I was hoping loads of people would back me up! That sounds kind of sad, like he never really knew you very well at all – is this your not-so-prince-charming??
Indeed it is said not-so-prince-charming! I should have been more honest and told him he was thinking too highly of himself as he only made me orgasm once and that was before I’d actually slept with him – says it all really. I am lucky enough to have had some better experiences before and since.
Having watched some of the L Word though, it appears that in order to orgasm every time a woman has to have sex with other women! There’s just one small issue of not being a lesbian…..back to the drawing board.
I suspected as much…
The trouble is with not-so-prince-charmings is that if you had told him he would have probably either not believed you or somehow made it your fault!
How very true! It would have been my fault or I would deliberately be telling him I hadn’t had the orgasm I obviously did have!
*shakes head it sympathy*
I’m beginning to suspect our exes are all the same men…
So, are we counting all orgasms or just those achieved while with a partner?
I say it depends, it’s different for everyone, but if I had to pop out a number, from experience, I’d say your boyfriend is about right.
I was thinking just with a partner.
I don’t want him to be right.
Id agree with the 1 in 5, sometimes 2 in 5. especially after kiddies come along. Sometimes i find myself doing the whole “harry met Sally” Just so the dear other half finishes so i can get some sleep!! But having a 5 month old does that to a woman
Ooooh! The first faking confession!
Sex with a five month old is tricky. Sleep does tend to take priority, plus there is the seething resentment towards your partner to deal with… It gets better though I promise :-)
lol at Michelle, as the kids get older it does get better.
must admit Im quite a greedy so and so and have 3 or 4 in a session to hubbys 1, but as you get rid of your kids and get more “us” time then you get more chance to enjoy each other without one ear on the kids and one eye on the clock so you can roll over and go to sleep
Thank goodness Elaine, I was beginning to think it was just me being totally unreasonable! It is so much easier as kids get older. Hang in there Michelle.
Ahem but some of us are lucky enuff to be multi orgasmic! So ner! Lol. I win! Lol
Lol, you win! Well done :-)
What? I’m confused. I’ve never has sexual activity with anyone and not orgasmed. Except those times when I’ve been so drunk I’ve thrown up or fallen asleep on the job.
I’ve been with a few men who haven’t orgasmed.
During one sex session.
Is that even what we are talking about?? Do men just bugger off to mend cars without finishing the job? I would demand better service!
Unfortunately yes, that IS what we’re talking about – it’s a bit dsitressing isn’t it all these one in five women…
Why would a man think it was ok to not finish the job??
I don’t know WHY they would think it was okay. You would think they would have some PRIDE in their work, non? I’ve never been abandoned half way through a job though, I would be most furious. Do they just GIVE UP AND PUT THE KETTLE ON?
Well quite. I’m glad I’m not the only one who thinks that really isn’t ok, that it isn’t just me being stroppy.
If they did get as far as putting the kettle on it might not be so bad, at least you’d have a nice cup of tea to console yourself with.
Maybe women are the problem here? Are they not complaining? Not even a formal letter?
I mean I would just say “Oi! Roger/Geoff/Leonard – get yourself back here and finish WHAT YOU DAMN WELL STARTED!”
I certainly wouldn’t return to a restaurant where I placed an order but NO FOOD ARRIVED.
I didn’t do a formal letter but actually love the thought of writing my lack of orgasm letter of complaint to not-so-charming-prince. This may even be worth doing on a drunken girlie evening.
To be honest, it kind of got to the point where I got bored or sore or both so gave up trying. Very sad state of affairs but was blinkered to his failings and saw them as my failings a lot of the time.
Beth, I LOVE the idea of a formal letter of complaint to not-so-prince-charmings everywhere.
If you want to do one, I could publish it on here for you? Might be a good way to vent any residual fury? I might do one too… *starts mental draft*
I confess, I had started my mental draft too. I am blatently going to be working on this letter of complaint at work tomorrow! How do I get it to you? This is really quite exciting. And, I think you’re right, it will put into words a lot of what I think so when I next see him I shall be able to chuckle to myself knowing that I have actually written a formal letter of complaint.
I just had an old template here, I don’t write them regularly
Hahaha! I did assume that, otherwise it was a LOT of effort to go to…
Good to have something we can all adapt though.
It would be funny to think every time you saw him that loads of people had actually read it :-)
I have emailed you…
Thanks Jo. I am going to love knowing the letter is on here when I see Not-so-prince-charming thinking he is the big I am. You will need to put your English teacher hat on though to proof read it for me! My language skills are not as good as yours. I’ll email it over to you tomorrow. x
Oh I used to work for Trading Standards. I can help.
Dear Prince Not-So-Charming:
THE SALE OF GOODS ACT 1979
I purchased an agreement for mutually satisfying sexual congress from you in September 2006. While I do not have the original receipt, I have emails to confirm that this agreement was formally entered into. I understand that you are the only supplier of this item within the UK and specifically, within my local area.
This mutually satisfying sexual congress did not however arrive, despite the agreement. It appeared that deposits and withdrawals were made but the goods as promised did not arrive. I am therefore concluding that your service was not of a satisfactory quality or fit for purpose and was therefore in breach of the Sale of Goods Act.
I have discussed this matter with Trading Standards/all my friends/your mother/random men in Wetherspoons (delete as appropriate) and they have all accepted the above argument, and conclude that you are a selfish fuckwit of the highest order.
I would very much like to have my time and money back. Alternatively, your cock on a keyring would go someway to reassure me that this unpleasant experience will not happen to another gullible customer. I am quite happy to pay for the postage cost for this arrangement.
I look forward to hearing from you within 28 working days.
That is so funny. I particularly like the “I have discussed this matter with Trading Standards/all my friends/your mother/random men in Wetherspoons (delete as appropriate) and they have all accepted the above argument, and conclude that you are a selfish fuckwit of the highest order. ”
Thanks for your email, Jo. I shall have great times tomorrow doing my letter. I hope others will be able to relate to it!
Considering that the clitoris has LOTS more nerves than the penis, women should be having more orgasms than men.
Yes. Science! Science is never wrong.
Perhaps the author would like to clarify exactly what her ratio is, so that her devoted boyfriend appears in a slightly less negative, sexually under-rated light?
And also make it clear that this is written in response to a discussion on the subject and not to an actual lack of orgasms/refusal to finish the job?
Thank you for your comment Mr Thorpe. I can of course clarify that my devoted boyfriend is more than up to the job of providing ample orgasms, and is in no way sexually under-rated.
In fact, the author would go as far as to say that said boyfriend provides both the highest quality and quantity of orgasms the author has ever had the pleasure to be on the receiving end of.
Well that is MOST reassuring indeed!
I just knew by the subject in my mail box that this would amuse me :D. I am not really sure I understand fully but in my experience with my husband I would say that we are pretty level pegging as he is really quite generous to my needs over his iygwim. If anything I think the scales tip in my favour. I am clearly luckier than I though :D. This has made my day lol ;) x
Funnily enough I’ve been getting quite a lot of hits on this post :-)
I think you must be luckier than you thought. Me too. I honestly believed ALL women were having orgasms all over the place, but clearly I was being naive!
Well women can have multiples so surely that puts them streets ahead. I’d say I’m always 3 or at least 2 to his one. Maybe I’m just very very lucky in his abilities!!!
Well quite, that was my thinking, but looks like we are among the lucky few to at least be breaking even!
I have certainly come to expect more than a 5-1 ratio (no pun intended). But I’ve also heard (and believe) that psychology has a lot to do with it so maybe in the wider world of sub-conscious women, one night stands and other reasons for women not to be comfortable with their partners combined with all those not-so-prince-charmings that ratio really is the unfortunate truth.
All this said, it might be a made-up shock statistic used by boyfriends across the UK in a devilishly clever scheme to persuade girlfriends that their skills between the sheets really are impressive.
Haha, I didn’t think of that but you could be right! I’m imagining men everywhere now saying ‘of course MOST women don’t get these many orgasms you know, you are just LUCKY because I am such a stud’ :-)
I suppose it depends which orgasms you count. If we are only counting the ones during sex then I’d say it’s probably pretty even and one should probably aspire for it to be 3 to 1 in favor of women. But if we’re counting masturbating as well…well, then men clearly have the upper”hand.”
Aha, now that IS interesting, and probably a completely new post, but what makes you think men would always win if you included masturbation? Without wanting to share TOO much, I reckon I could hold my own on that count…
Awesome blog post here. I’ve loved reading through all the comments too!
Unfortunately my ratio is nothing to boast over and it far worse than a 1:3 and 1:5. I dare not calculate it!
I agree that it’s definitely psychological, and sleep-deprivation and light-sleeping babies don’t help the cause.
I think there’s some very lucky ladies out there!
I think you’re right about the light-sleeping babies. I think a big part of sex for women is about switching off and feeling relaxed and you just can’t do that if you have half an ear open all the time for your baby. It gets better though, honestly!
I’m sincerely gonna be anonymous here as my husband would be totally embarrassed!
But I did have to come and shock all of you gals after reading all this!!! lmao
I am just under 30 now and I have never had a single orgasm in my life!!!
Not from anyone… not sure my bits work right! lol (I do have a lot of fun and we do experiment quite a bit.)
So there you go ladies for me its always been 0 – 5!!
Now let the discussions begin! Lmao
PS. Jo if you recognize my email don’t you tell anyone!!! I don’t wanna be known as the frigid one either!! lol
Haha! Don’t worry, your secret is safe :-)
You need to practice on your own I reckon. It’s worth it…
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Using sex toys can relieve headaches and pain in general. When you experience an orgasm, your brain floods your body with endorphins, which not only make you feel good, it also blocks pain sensors.
Men easily have more orgasms than women. Men take masturbation seriously, like it’s an olympic sport or something.