17 truly horrific middle class injuries

We had book group at my house last night. It’s my very favourite sort of book group because it goes like this:

• 8pm: We choose our drinks
• 8.05pm: We eat crisps
• 8.10pm: We chat about children, work and random stuff we’ve seen on the TV
• 9pm: We ate a selection of small cakes
• 9.05pm: We talk some more about things that aren’t to do with books
• 10.20pm: We give the book a mark out of ten and set the date for the next meeting
• 10.30pm: Everyone goes home to bed

It’s ace.

Last night, conversation got onto avocado hand, which led to one book group member revealing that she was banned from using the mandolin at home. I told everyone that sometimes I accidentally grate my fingernails in with the cheese, but I don’t think that was quite the same, so then I was quiet again.

Anyway, it got me thinking about middle class injuries. You know the sort of thing I mean – you get a little scratch on your eyeball when your electric pepper grinder backfires? You iPad drops on your face when you’re watching House of Cards in bed?

There are some very funny middle class injuries out there, so I thought I would compile a selection of my favourites from Twitter for you. Be warned – I am not responsible for any accidents that happen whilst reading this list, so hold your phone tightly.

Have you suffered any middle class injuries?

Leave a comment and let me know!

Just burned my hand on baked camembert

— G. (@TyeGeorge) May 24, 2015

#Middleclassinjuries Yesterday I got an aching back from too much wet felt making. #shitgotreal

— Ellie (@serenceinwyn) August 21, 2015

Just tripped over an orchid. My injuries are getting increasingly upper-middle class. See also walking into walls during immersive theatre.

— Sarah Heenan (@perfectlyvague) March 25, 2014

I just cut my mouth on a Kettle Chip (mature cheddar and red onion flavour) cc: @guardian

— Hayley Campbell (@hayleycampbell) February 10, 2014

The top of my right foot is now half black as a result of the Sanpellegrino incident. #middleclassinjuries

— greythorne (@greythorne) September 15, 2015

Just scraped my ankle on a magnum of Veuve. #middleclassinjuries

— Lucie (@Lucie_911) May 18, 2014

Just got oil in my eye while flipping the reeds in the reed diffuser. Most middle class injury ever?

— Georgia Lewis (@georgialewis76) December 20, 2015

Severely burnt and blistered my tongue by licking the spoon when basting confit duck legs #middleclassinjuries

— Layla Boyd (@LaylatheImpaler) June 30, 2015

#middleclassinjuries I cut my finger trying to open a bottle of artesan beer from a micro-brewery

— James Tickell (@jamestickell) February 2, 2015

Yesterday I broke my nose with an M&S organic Super Berry Smoothie bottle #middleclassinjuries

— Sophie Bainbridge (@sophiebain28) January 27, 2015

Tripped over my UGGs and fell down my second set of stairs. #middleclassinjuries

— That Soccer Mom (@its_all_good247) January 15, 2015

Cut the roof of my mouth after an over enthusiastic bite down on a handful of Wholefoods Trail Mix #middleclassinjuries

— Robert Regan (@robotraygun) April 14, 2015

Have hurt my eye by accidentally poking myself with the corner of a hessian bag for life hanging up in my kitchen #middleclassinjuries

— Rebecca Rykalski (@SGL26) March 20, 2016

Shredded my hand moving the wine fridge today #middleclassinjuries

— Kate Bordwell (@kbordwell) May 15, 2016

Just stubbed my toe on daughter’s wooden sushi play set.

The most middle class of all injuries.

— Marc Risby (@marcrisby) March 10, 2014

Strained my wrists from making homemade butternut squash ravioli last night. #middleclassinjuries

— Anna Louise (@AnnaLouiseAway) November 27, 2016

Just grazed the roof of my mouth with some toasted sourdough. #middleclassinjuries

— Christine Jolly (@christinejolly) March 14, 2014

Images – By JIANG HONGYAN, baibaz – shutterstock.