What did you learn at school today?

Hands up if you’ve ever asked your child ‘What did you learn at school today?’

Now keep your hands up if they normally answer ‘nothing’.

*looks out over sea of hands*

I thought as much.

Belle is the worst for it. I’m pretty sure, given that she can read and write and do basic maths, that she must actually have learnt something and some point, but on a day-to-day basis you’d be forgiven for thinking that I was sending her to school simply for free childcare. (This is the main reason obviously).

Now Bee is doing A-levels, her learning does tend to be a little bit more focussed, so normally she has something a little more helpful to say. Like today.

“He-ey!” I called to her as she walked in the house, doing my best to make the word into two syllables, as this infuriates her and I am mean. “What did you do at college today?”

“Well,” she said, “we had a lesson this morning about why you shouldn’t stereotype and be prejudiced against chavs.”

“OK,” I said, “well that sounds good.”

“But then on the way home,” she added, “I saw a man in a tracksuit steal a copy of The Sun from outside a shop.”

(I feel I should say something here by way of conclusion, but all I want to do is hit myself in the face with my hand, so I will stay quiet.)