FIVE MORE SLEEPS!!

Can you believe it? Only five more sleeps until Father Christmas comes!

It is very exciting.

I get so excited about Christmas, that I’ve actually bought most of my presents by the beginning of December, but just in case you’re not quite as thrilled by the prospect of Christmas shopping as me, (I’m looking mainly at the men in the audience here), I’ve got some ideas for things that your wife/girlfriend will definitely want for Christmas.

Gin
I wouldn’t be Slummy single mummy if I didn’t suggest a nice bottle of gin would I? Go for something really glam looking and make sure you wrap it up nicely – no copping out with a wine bag or anything. Girls love a bit of fancy wrapping. This pink gin from Harvey Nichols is rather beautiful:

"pink gin"

“Eccentric, irreverent and innovative” apparently. The gin’s not bad either.

Underwear
Every woman likes to made to feel special at Christmas, so you can’t go wrong with some lovely underwear. Think sexy and glam without the porn star edge. A wonderbra from figleaves.com would be perfect. Hello boys…

Chocolate
It feels unoriginal, but what girl doesn’t love chocolate? Seriously, there isn’t anyone. Pink gin, a great cleavage, a box of liqueur chocolates – surely that’s anyone’s recipe for a very merry Christmas?

"Liqueur chocolates"

I have actually bought myself a box of these very chocolates and given them to Belle to wrap up for me. That’s totally fine isn’t it?

An iron
You just can’t go wrong with a decent iron. A good steam function, an easy grip handle, an iron is surely what every woman wants for Christmas?

WRONG.

Never, I repeat never, buy your wife or girlfriend an iron as a gift. Unless you want it in your face. The same applies to aprons, oven cleaner, hoovers and pegs. Just no.

So ladies, what would your dream Christmas gift be?

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Have you heard the news? I’m going to be an auntie!

OK, so that’s not really true. But I could be Kate Middleton’s sister. I wouldn’t need to change my name or anything, just, um, lose a pound or two? And bring out an over-hyped party planning book. And change into a new dress every couple of hours. Easy peasy.

All the celebrity magazines have of course been awash this month with news of Kate Middleton’s pregnancy. It makes me a little bit sad, as it was only recently that I opted to put money on a horse, just because it had the word ‘squirrel’ in its name, rather than on a royal baby for 2013. Needless to say my squirrel horse didn’t do very well.

Despite missing the opportunity to cash in on Kate’s morning sickness misery, I can still get involved in the whole excitement of it – what names will they choose? What maternity wear will she be seen in? Will she be too posh to push? All the important questions naturally. I’m not normally a royalist, but everyone loves an excuse to think about something other than the conflict in Syria or Libya or some other stricken country ending in ‘a’. I got properly into the royal wedding. I think I may even have shed a tear.

Renowned as I am for my fashion sense, I thought I’d pick out a few outfits for Kate from Tiffany Rose. What do you think of these?

"Maternity day wear"

Some stylish day wear for shaking hands with old people, opening orphanages and what not. As worn by all the celebs this one.

"Maternity evening dress"

Something fancy for when Pippa launches her next book – ‘101 ways with ribbon – a gorgeous guide to gift-wrapping’

"maternity nightwear"

Loungewear chic – for chilling out on the sofa, watching TOWIE, with her feet up on a corgi.

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Today I have been doing a Very Brave And Noble Thing.

Biscuit research.

I know, I know, the things I do for you, but you don’t need to thank me, just consider my festive biscuit findings my Christmas gift to you.

Fox’s sent me a selection of their Christmas biscuits to try and I, selflessly, have been testing them out, so I can recommend to you the six biscuits I think you need this Christmas. And I mean need. A Christmas without a tin of chocolate biscuits is like a tumbler without a gin and tonic in it. Just pointless.

So without further ado, I bring you your six essential Fox’s Christmas biscuits:

"Fox's chocolate edition"Milk chocolate jaffa viennese
From the Fox’s Chocolate Edition box, this is a truly wonderous biscuit, topped with jaffa and thick milk chocolate.

Good for: Enjoying all the deliciousness of a Jaffa Cake without the worry of the biscuit versus cake debate. This is definitely a biscuit.

Dark chocolate fudge sundae
From the same box, this is a biscuit for those who mean business. I mean come on, look at the name, it’s practically a pudding in a biscuit. It’s Christmas though. It would be rude not too.

Good for: dieters who want the fun of a massive slice of chocolate cake whilst at the same time being able to say ‘What me? No, I just had a biscuit.’

"Caramel rounds"Caramel rounds
These are so good, they come in a box all by themselves. Crunchy biscuit, gooey caramel, and thick milk chocolate. When Boyfriend saw these he made a strange gargling noise like when Homer Simpson sees a doughnut.

Good for: distracting boyfriends when you have ‘accidental’ January sale purchases you need to sneak into the wardrobe.

"Mini choc party rings"

Mini choc rings
I’m sure I don’t need to spell this one out. They are party rings, but chocolate, and mini. Party rings. Chocolate. Mini. See?

Three desirable biscuity attributes, but all in one biscuit.

Good for: Lunchboxes, so long as you don’t mind getting disdainful looks from the posher mums.

"Jam 'n' cream"

 

Jam ‘n’ cream
This is an odd one for me. There is something about them that sort of turns my stomach a little bit, and yet when I eat them, I want another one. They are my olive of the biscuit world – horribly moorish.

Good for: When you’re feeling daring. Go on, you know you want to.

"Bourbon"

 

The bourbon cream
The Jam ‘n’ cream can be found in the Fabulously Fox’s tin, along with all the classics including one of my all time favourite biscuits – the bourbon. Biscuit perfection.

Good for: Anything. Absolutely anything.

What’s your favourite Christmas biscuit?

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My neighbour asked me yesterday to come and look at her Christmas tree. She had just put it up, and was especially proud of her 50-year-old lights, bought the first Christmas after she married. The decorations too she explained were probably as old, and every year it was exciting to unwrap them and remember them from Christmases gone by.

I hope this is how I still feel about Christmas when my lights are fifty years old. I love Christmas, and getting a Christmas tree – real of course for the wonderful smell – is a highlight. There is something about that moment when you open the box of decorations, dragged down from the attic or out of the garage – a whoosh of cold, tinselly air that immediately makes you feel like Christmas.

My decorations are mainly peacock colours, with the addition this year of a small family of squirrels.

What’s your favourite Christmas tree decoration?

"Christmas decoration"

 

"glass bauble"

 

"Squirrel"

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This week I took a call from my dentist. This is a surprise in itself as I don’t normally answer the phone, but it was right there next to me and I was feeling reckless, so thought ‘what the hell!’

I’m mad I am.

Anyway, I said hello, which I’ve heard is the done thing, and they said ‘hello, Stoke Lane Dental Practice here’.

Immediately I wished I hadn’t bothered answering, as I am a teensy tiny bit scared of dentists, and immediately had a minor panic that they were phoning to remind me I was having all my teeth taken out in an hour or something.

Fortunately though, complicated dental surgery turned out not to be imminent – they were just calling to reschedule my appointment in January. Phew.

Apart from the fear, taking my children to the dentist always makes me feel a bit guilty. Despite my best attempts at encouraging dental hygiene, Belle has always been a reluctant brusher, and every time I take her for a check-up, I imagine they will peer into her mouth, raise their eyebrows and say “Hmmm… I see you’re a bad parent then…”

I have tried. I’ve carefully researched the best electric toothbrush, bought disclosing tablets, experimented with numerous mouthwashes, but no matter how many times I show her my collection of fillings, she just doesn’t seem to be able to motivate herself.

(In my research, I was particularly drawn to the ad for the Colgate pro clinical, which shows them brushing an egg, as this is basically my teeth – shell-like enamel that crumbles at the merest tap with a Werther’s Original),

At the moment she has a musical toothbrush. The idea is that it helps her know how long to brush for, but it also gives us something to listen out for. She could well of course be just switching it on and eating some sweets for two minutes, but short of standing over her twice a day, (who can be bothered with that?), I just have to trust her.

And save up for the inevitable dental bills.

How do you get your children to brush their teeth?

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With only ten days to go until Christmas, and vast quantities of food, gifts and decorations littering the house, isn’t it time you deserved a little treat?

Of course it is.

And I’m not just talking a sneaky glass of sherry in the kitchen while you’re cooking. I’m talking about a proper fancy kitchen gadget.

Now, if you’re like me, forever grinding spices by hand and what not, you’ll be secretly hoping that someone buys you a James Martin Wahl spice grinder for Christmas. When you don’t find a spice grinder in your stocking though, (because to be honest, who knew you loved grinding spices so much?), what will you do? Sob into your sprouts?

No!

You’ll enter this competition instead of course. Silly billy.

"Spice grinder"

If grinding spices isn’t your thing, you’ll be pleased to hear you can grind coffee beans in it too. Or simply stick it under the bed and wait until next Christmas, when you can whip it out as a thoughtful gift for the budding chef in your life.

To enter, simply leave a comment on this post, telling me what your favourite spice is. (I like a bit of cumin myself.)

The competition will close on 29th December, to give you chance to enter once you’ve opened your presents and been disappointed.

Good luck!

As featured on Loquax Competitions

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I was listening to the radio yesterday when a trailer came on for a programme this weekend. “We reveal,” it said, “why your choice of desktop wallpaper says far more about you than you think.”

(It was local radio. Not exactly ground-breaking political insight.)

Still, it got me thinking, because my current wallpaper is this picture of a kitten:

It’s not even my kitten. I literally googled ‘cute kitten’. Yes, I am that person. When you’re trying to create an online persona for yourself as a gin-swilling, dishes-hiding, heart-of-stone slummy mummy, having a picture of a kitten on your desktop is really not the done thing. It probably says far more about me than I’d really like.

So, I thought I’d write a little quiz, Psychologies magazine style, to help you discover what kind of person you really are, just by looking at your wallpaper. Answer each of these questions as honestly as you can, add up your answers, and your secret personality will be revealed…

QUIZ: What does your desktop wallpaper say about you?

1. Look at the colours in your wallpaper. Are they mainly:
a. pastels, pinks and pale blues
b. primary colours or mid-tone shades
c. black and blood reds

2.If someone asked if they could have a copy of your wallpaper for their own computer, what would you say?
a. Of course! You are thrilled and flattered that they love you so much
b. Sure, you’ll ping over a jpeg when you get a chance
c. No! Why? What are you planning behind my back?

3. Which of these is closest to your wallpaper picture:
a. A cute fluffy animal of some sort, possibly wearing a minature hat
b. A nice landscape or family photo
c. A pile of mutilated limbs against a backdrop of charred ruins. In the background is a small child crying fat, silent tears.

4. When you look at your wallpaper, do you feel:
a. Full of joy, and like you want to rush out and give a homeless person a guinea pig
b. Like you should probably stop staring at the desktop and do some work
c. Like you want to punch a puppy in the face

RESULTS

Mostly As
You are a toddler. Seven years old at most. You might want to consider watching the news more regularly.

Mostly Bs
You are normal. Well done.

Mostly Cs
You are quite possibly a sociopath. Call the police and turn yourself in before you acidentally go on a killing spree.

And that’s the end of the test. So go on then, tell all, what does your desktop wallpaper say about you??

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I love Christmas. The mulled wine, mince pies, crappy music, but especially buying presents. Shopping online for Christmas presents is extra fun, as you can eat a mince pie, drink mulled wine and listen to crappy music at the same time, all from the comfort of your sofa.

One of the problems I have though is that I keep seeing things I want to buy for me. Like that lovely blue velvet chair. This is especially true of my new favourite gift website, Zinc & Co Zinc & Co have collected together the most unusual and beautiful gifts they can find, and have added in an extra special promise – if you can find the same products cheaper somewhere else they will refund the difference. Now that’s a pretty big claim, and saves you a lot of faffing about and worrying about whether you’re paying over the odds.

Also, they offer next day delivery, so if anyone is still looking for a last minute Christmas gift for me, these are my four favourite things:

Sparrow keyring and holder

Have your keys looked after by a bird! Not only that, it doubles as a whistle, just in case you are ever holding your keys and need to call a dog or something.

"Sparrow keyring"

Storm in a teacup

Well this is just adorable isn’t it? Who doesn’t like tea? It says it’s the perfect mug for a drama queen.

"Storm in a teacup"

Desk bunny scissors

Is it a bunny? Is it a pair of scissors? Who cares, it will look cute on your desk."desk bunny scissors"

Vintage posters

They have loads of these and they are all beautiful. ‘O My Love, tonight the sky is a darkened circus tent above our dreams and the moon slowly walks a tightrope into morning.’

"O my love poster"

They also do wishlists, so you can choose your own favourite products without having to go to the effort of setting up a blog. Nice. Choose your favourite pressies now at Zinc & Co.

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Christmas isn’t exactly the time of the year when you think about saving money, but today I’ve got some advice and a competition that should be just what you need to start the New Year with good financial intentions.

You’re playing for two fab prizes today, so get your best competition hat on. First off, you get a copy of the super new book  ‘Money Smarter – a Family Guide’. Money Smarter is a really interesting and practical guide to teaching children the value of money, with over 50 activities that you can try with your family:

"Money Smarter"

Look after the pennies and all that…

Then to go with it, you get this adorable leather purse from Lyla and Tilly, to put all your pennies in once you’ve saved them:

"Bird picture"

Tweet this post for an extra competition entry.
(See what I did there?)

You see? Everything you need for a debt free 2013!

To enter, all you have to do is have a read of these four family finance activities, taken from Money Smart, and then leave a comment offering your own money-saving tip or learning activity. The competition closes on Christmas Day, so you can get your money-saving kit in time for the New Year.

Good luck!

Four ways to teach children the value of money

Where does money come from?
As children, it’s hard to get your head around the idea of money, where it comes from, and what it gets spent on. Sitting down with your kids and explaining exactly how adults earn money is a really useful way to teach children the value of skills and experience. To make it more real, have a look at a selection of job ads. Talk to your children about the different kinds of jobs people do, how much they are paid, and what sort of skills they might need.

Need versus want
Children always seem to need the latest gadget or toy, but how do you teach them the difference between wanting and needing something? Imagine with your kids that you’re stranded on a desert island. Get them to think about what they’d actually need to survive, and what luxuries they might want.

Good debt versus bad debt
People tend to fear debt, but the important thing to learn is the difference between good and bad debt. Debt that will put money in your pocket at a future date is a good debt, a debt that doesn’t is bad. For example, investing in going to university is a good debt, as it will help you earn more money later, but just borrowing to go on holiday isn’t such a great investment. Look through some magazines and newspapers with your kids. Cut out three pictures that represent good debts, and three that are bad.

Your fun fund
Managing your money doesn’t have to be all doom and gloom. As well as saving for the future and paying the bills, there should always be a slice of your budget set aside for fun. How you spend that slice is up to you! With your children, come up with a list of things that you’d like to spend your fun fund on. Can you work out how long it would take you to have enough money for each of your fun activities?

Competition open to UK residents only. Competition closes on 25th December 2012. Your information may be used for marketing purposes by the Money Smarter team. You are free to unsubscribe at any time.

As featured on Loquax Competitions and ThePrizeFinder – UK Competitions

THIS COMPETITION IS NOW CLOSED.

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I’m reading a book at the moment called Radical Honesty.* When I showed Boyfriend he snorted a bit and said ‘as if you need that!’

He’s probably right – I do have a tendency to just say what I think, even if it’s a little brutal – but it’s interesting all the same.

The idea behind the book is that our lack of honesty is at the root of pretty much all our stress. This doesn’t just necessarily mean actively telling lies – leading a double life or pretending you have a job but actually just sitting in the park – it includes keeping feelings and thoughts hidden, for fear of how other people will react.

The author, who is a physcotherapist, says that most of the people he sees are stuck in this adolescent state of living their lives according to how they think other people think they should be living them. The stress comes from this fear of judgement, from trying to maintain a persona that you believe to be socially acceptable, and from not being open and honest about your true feelings.

It makes sense doesn’t it?

Think about a source of stress in your life. Maybe it’s work. Why is it stressful? Because you’re afraid that your boss will realise you don’t know what you’re doing? Because you put yourself under pressure to earn as much as your friends? Because you worry that your colleagues don’t like you?

All of these things boil down to typical teenage anxieties don’t they? They are all about not being honest.

What about if you went into work and just said to your boss ‘look, I feel really unsure about how well I’m managing this piece of work, can you give me some feedback or guidance?’

Or how about if you were just honest with yourself and your friends, and admitted that actually money just doesn’t matter as much to you, and that you were going to judge yourself by your own standards?**

I find it fascinating to think about honesty in terms not of the active lies we tell, but of the thoughts and feelings we keep hidden. Wouldn’t life be much more straightforward if you never had to worry about what you said and could just be yourself all the time?

How honest are you?

*I am about five pages in to Chapter One. To be honest (see what I did there?) this is probably as far as I get. I am honest, but flighty.

**Don’t forget I’ve hardly read any of the book. This is all pure speculation on my part as to what the book would ACTUALLY tell you to do.

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I woke up in a grump today.

I kept having these annoying dreams about Christmas decorations. It sounds stupid when I say it out loud, but it was really annoying at the time. You know if you’ve been really focussed on one thing all day, like spreadsheets, and then you dream in a weird Excel format?*

Well I had the same thing but with woven paper hearts. I kept making them, but something was wrong with them, and I would wake up feeling all twitchy about it. I’d lie back down, telling myself not to dream about any more decorations, but then there they’d be, all weird and papery in my head. It was quite frustrating.

Fortunately, Monday morning in netball morning. Netball works very well at clearing my head of anything other than scoring goals and trying not to run into people, and was just what I needed to rid my brains of paper chain nightmares. It was also rather fun as it was the first session after our Christmas night out on Friday, so we got to do all that ‘morning after the night before’ stuff – ‘Jo! How are you feeling! I loved it when you stood on that table and made that speech! What time did you leave the Tennis Club AGM after party?’

That sort of thing.

All the ingredients of a perfect netball Christmas party

All the ingredients of a perfect netball Christmas party

So, after an hour of charging around, getting so hot and sweaty I was steaming up my glasses, I felt much better, and was not at all intimidated by the paper hearts when I got back home.

One question though still remains from Friday night.

What do we call our team?

We play from a local primary school – Sefton Park – so on the table at the moment are things like Sefton Scorpions and Sefton Park Panthers, but we have yet to hit on a name that has made everyone go ‘YES! That’s it!’

This is where you come in. Do you have any suggestions for a netball team name that implies a blend of feminine strength and sharp shooting?

Leave your comments please…

*Please say this isn’t just me being MAD.

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Friends and family say I’m hard to buy presents for, but how can that be true? I’m always seeing things I want to buy for myself.

Take this reindeer for instance, which I spotted earlier this week in Liberty. I’d be very happy with one of these for Christmas. (You can’t see the price tag very well, but I think it was about £1,299. It was very soft though).

"Liberty reindeer"

Tasty little things to eat and drink are always nice too. I wouldn’t be disappointed if someone bought me this modest Christmas hamper from Bettys. It’s only £500. Worth every penny."Christmas hamper"

This velvet chair from Oliver Bonas is nice too. I would obviously need a lovely big white room to put it in, just for me to fill with books and pretty things I’d cut out from magazines.

See how easy I am to please?

"Velvet chair"

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