REVIEW: Silk’n Tightra – a life free from worrying about vaginal inconveniences

Advertisement feature in association with Silk’n Yep, that’s right. Who doesn’t want a life free from ‘worrying about vaginal inconveniences’? It’s a quote from the Silk’n website and the turn of phrase made me smile. I pictured trying to get into a car park, late for a meeting, and being blocked by a row of inconveniently placed vaginas. It’s not that obviously. What it actually refers to is all of those issues that come with age, childbirth and menopause – weakening vaginal walls, urinary incontinence, diminished sexual pleasure – all those really FUN things that we experience as women. God, it’s a great life isn’t it? You may remember that a while ago I went and had my vagina zapped at a clinic in London to tackle the same issues,…

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GENEVEVE REVIEW: My rejuvenated vagina, three months on

Note to my Dad: this is one of those posts you’ll want to skip over. I was out for dinner a little while ago with some friends. We’d had a small half glass of wine or so and we were talking about boys. We were discussing one boy in particular, who I had happened to say in passing that I thought was nice. ‘Ooohhh!’ said one of my so called friends, ‘I’ll message him and tell him you LOVE HIM!’ ‘I don’t LOVE HIM,’ I pointed out, ‘I just said he was NICE.’ She messaged him to tell him I loved him. God. ‘While you’re there though,’ I said, only slurring very slightly, ‘you could casually drop in my renovated vagina?’ Everyone looked at me. ‘Renovated? Like with scaffolding?’ ‘Oh,’…

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REVIEW: The Geneveve treatment for vaginal laxity

NOTE: If you want a three month follow up to the Geneveve treatment I have also written a follow up Geneveve treatment review. There is literally so much opportunity for hilarity in this post that I don’t know where to start. It’s a serious subject – my vagina and the laxity thereof – but also, it’s my VAGINA, so. Also, as serious a subject as it may be, it’s always good to be able to have a laugh about these things isn’t it? I mean sure, the woman we saw when my Mum and I went to register my Gran’s death wasn’t exactly on board with that as a concept, but I think it’s important to be able to laugh about serious things – it helps us talk about them. Where…

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The one where I write a comedy sketch about my intriguing vagina

Last year I got an email from a couple of lovely ladies who run a company called Masked Pony Productions. They asked if I’d be interested in writing a short comedy sketch based on my blog for a new mum comedy short series. ‘Absolutely!’ I said, Googling how to write comedy sketches. They wanted something that was in the style of my usual writing, perhaps inspired by some of my most popular posts. One of my personal favourites is the one where I get dressed up nicely for a smear test and the nurse can’t find my cervix, so I had to include reference to that. Bee’s favourite ever post is the one where I go to a cafe and a random family come and sit down ALL AROUND ME while I’m just trying…

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A short rant about an offer of vaginal rejuvenation

I had an email this morning from a PR I’ve person not worked with before with the offer of a review for my blog. ‘Hi Lovely!’ it began, which immediately made me want to punch the sender in the face. ‘Hope you’re well,’ she went on. ‘We are looking for a Mum who’s had several natural births, for a non-invasive £5K vaginal rejuvenation treatment on offer with top Harley Street Doctor.’ What the actual f***? My first thought was of the doctor adjusting his head torch, and going in with a feather duster and one of those Dulux tester posts of satin finish emulsion. And then I got pissed off. I wrote back. ‘Thanks for your email but it’s not one for me thanks,’ I said. ‘I have had two natural…

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Elvie – the easy way to practice your pelvic floor exercises (or how to play computer games with your vagina)

Okay, I’m going to tell you an embarrassing personal story. Not many people know this, and I’m only telling you now to illustrate how important it is to look after your pelvic floor. This is selfless public humiliation at its best. So, picture the scene… I’m 17 years old. About two weeks ago I gave birth to the lovely Bee. I’m sat on my bed, Bee is lying next to me. A couple of friends from college have come round to have a look at her. (I’m still friends with them now. They will know who they are, but they don’t think they know that this is what happened, so let’s hope they can still look me in the eye next time we meet.) We’re chatting away, very casually – it’s…

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How does it feel to give birth at 17?

How does it feel to give birth at any age really? Could you describe birth to someone who hasn’t experienced it and really communicate what it’s like in a way that would make them feel it? Even if you could, would that birth experience be their birth experience? I’ve given birth twice and I’m not sure there were comparable, even though it was the same hospital, the same vagina. I was pregnant the first time around when I was just 16 years old and gave birth at 17 and now, aged 42, I often think about the women starting families for the first time. It feels a lifetime away to me. How on earth would I cope with the exhaustion and pain of pregnancy and childbirth now, let alone the…

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RECIPE: Lockdown v2.0 mini banana loaves

I may not have quite gotten around to learning to play the trombone or turning my vagina into a bespoke candle or whatever it is that Gwyneth Paltrow would have us do at times like these, but if there is one lockdown activity that I’ve well and truly bought into it’s banana bread. In fact I was on the banana bread wagon even BEFORE the pandemic, but then we’ve always known I’m a trend setter haven’t we? ‘Finger on the pulse’ is a phrase close family often use to describe my approach to fashion and current affairs. Just to keep ahead of the lockdown banana bread curve then, I decided to crank things up a notch last week and take my banana bread exploits to the next level. I did…

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What Is Bacterial Vaginosis and Its Symptoms in Women

Advertisement feature Bacterial vaginosis is an ailment that afflicts at least 29% of women in America. If you detect anything unusual about your vagina such as a fishy smell or a discharge with an unusual appearance, chances are it may be bacterial vaginosis. This may be problematic as it is a disease that normally doesn’t have any symptoms. A lot of women also report not feeling anything after being diagnosed with this illness. Although BV may seem to be an innocuous disease, it has grave complications if left untreated. Some complications of BV include: Preterm birth – women who have bacterial vaginosis while pregnant have the risk of having babies with low birth weight as well as their water breaking too early, which causes preterm birth Loss of pregnancy or…

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Why I tell the truth, but not the whole truth

Honesty has always been incredibly important to me. That sounds kind of obvious, but when you start to pay attention it’s amazing how many little lies we let slip through just in the course of a day – excuses for not wanting to go out in the evening, white lies to children – it all adds up. The older I get, the more I try to avoid these little lies, even if they feel like they might not do any harm. It might feel easier to tell a friend you can’t come out because you have a headache, but is it really any harder to just say ‘you know what, I really do want to see you, but today has just been exhausting and I know if we go out…

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Things I read in January

2017 was a bit of a slack year for me on the old book front. I could make up excuses about moving house and relationship changes and what not, but let’s be honest, it’s really just laziness. When you’re tired, watching the remake of Dynasty on Netflix feels EASIER than actually having to move your eyes from one side of a page to the next, over and over again. It’s stupid really, because I love reading, and a good book is way more absorbing than the antics of modern day Fallon Carrington, so this year I decided to make an effort to read more books. And by ‘read’ I mean ‘finish’, not just read a few chapters, stack them up on my bedside table and move on to the next…

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Do you buy things when you’re tired and then forget about them?

I woke up on Friday morning to an email from Oliver Bonas. ‘Thank you for your order!’ it said. Wait what? I looked at the time of the email – Thursday at 11.19pm. Ah. Apparently I had been feeling particularly decadent at 11.19pm because this is what I bought: Well. That all looks lovely doesn’t it?

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