On Sunday night I had a date. My first date in nearly four years. You’d think then that I would have been nervous, but when it came to it, I really wasn’t.

I’m not going to say anything bad about my date – he wasn’t a hairy mole twiddler or anything, just a perfectly nice, ordinary man. What I wanted to talk about instead was how waiting at the pub at 8pm on Sunday, I realised how much I have changed in the last few years, since the last time I tried my hand at dating.

People are always saying that confidence in just an act, that if you are nervous about talking to new people, all you have to do is pretend not to be, and no one will ever know the difference. Well, it seems that over the last few years I’ve had a lot of practice at chatting to strangers – networking at blogging conferences, hosting workshops, delivering training, allowing my brains to be picked numerous times over coffee and cake – and it has paid off. Turns out I am pretty awesome at it.*

Coffee

Now I’m not saying I was a dream date, but I wasn’t scared at all and like to think I contributed to us both enjoying a very pleasant evening, regardless of whether or not there was any romantic spark. I asked questions, maintained eye contact and tried not to be too boastful (apart from during the ten minutes after my one and only glass of wine when it went to my head a little and I somehow dropped my degree prize into the conversation.**)

The date then, although not tummy churning, was a hugely positive experience and left me feeling good about myself not least because I felt we had been able to put each other at ease and enjoy an evening that wasn’t as awkward as a first date can often be. My confidence was further boosted in the morning when at 8am he sent me a text.

“You are quite an inspirational person,” he said. “Your drive and fearlessness of the unknown and willingness to take a chance is pretty amazing.”

I had the biggest smile on my face. Where I might see the choices I have made in my life as a little foolish and flighty, pretend hard enough and people will believe anything.

*And oh so modest.

**You see? Modest.

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Today I have a guest post. It’s from a male friend of mine who prefers to remain anonymous but I was really thrilled when he offered to write it for me, partly because I love his writing but also because I thought it would be interesting to get a man’s perspective of dating. I may not be throwing myself back on the market any soon but it’s still all useful research.

He did suggest that I might like to split it into two posts but honestly it’s so easy to read that I thought you would prefer it all in one go. Enjoy!

Dating for men

After planning our ‘big day’ investing time, care and – yes – money into an endeavour that now seems faintly ludicrous; I found myself spat out of the other end of the relationship sausage machine; shrink wrapped with a ‘Divorced…’ red sticker slapped across my cellophane. View Post

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This isn’t a competition exclusive to me, but as someone who has had her fair share of terrible first dates, (like that man I met for lunch who bought his excitable dog with him), I was very happy to share.

We’ve all been there with friends, either asking for dating advice or offering it, but this way you get to potentially swap your dating expertise for £400 of vouchers to spend on the experience of your choice with Virgin experiences. There are two runners up prizes too of £200 each, so well worth a go!

All you have to do is click on the image below or the link here to be taken to the competition. You’ll then be able to watch a short video from John, and be asked to give him advice on three key questions ready for his date this weekend. On Monday, you can check back and here from John how it went! View Post

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Today I’ve got a corker of a competition for you. In conjunction with eHarmony.co.uk, I’m giving away the key to a knock out new look. There will be two prizes – the winner will receive £200 of John Lewis vouchers, with £100 of vouchers for the runner up. Both winners will also receive a trial three month subscription to eHarmony, which you are very welcome to pass on to a friend if you’re already happily attached.

I wrote a post a little while ago about the importance of a first kiss, but first impressions are important even before you meet, let alone get any smooching action. We all know that red is the colour of love and romance, but the evidence suggests that men find women dressed in red more attractive, whether that be in a photo on an online dating profile, or in person.

It works in all kinds of scenarios apparently, so make sure you wear a red t-shirt if you’re ever hitchhiking! View Post

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When I was about 15, we went on a school trip to see Romeo and Juliet. If you could conjure up an activity as a prelude to a perfect first kiss, surely this would be it? On the way home on the coach, I sat next to a boy from my class, whose name I shall keep to myself just in case.

It was a long journey, and at some point I dozed off. When I woke up, said boy appeared to be stroking my thigh. I kept my eyes closed and hoped that if I could just pretend to be asleep long enough that he would give up. (At 15 I was pretty scared of boys).

I must have drifted off again, because the next time I woke up, it was from a dream that I was having my face licked by a massive, slobbery dog. Except I wasn’t, I was being kissed by the boy. It was such an all-face-consuming kiss, that when he had finished and I was allowed to breathe again, I literally had to wipe my face with my sleeve to dry it. As you can see from the infographic below from e-harmony, men do prefer their kisses moist. View Post

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Lots of people moan about their partners when they’re in a relationship. I’ve been guilty of it myself in the past – it’s just too easy isn’t it? You don’t want to make a fuss, you want to avoid a row, so instead you content yourself with complaining to your friends over a glass of wine or two, or fantasising about what life might be like if you were single.

Personally though, I’m more than happy to be in a relationship. Yes there may be petty annoyances sometimes, but I think on the whole it’s a pretty good deal. I certainly find it easier than having to spend hours writing witty yet approachable online dating profiles.

I love the intimacy of being able to share my thoughts with someone and not be judged, I love the contentment, being able to relax and be myself, and I love the security of knowing there is at least one person who is putting me at top of their list.

*vomiting noises*

Yes I know it’s soppy but what can I say? I am a happy bunny. Still, I’m not going to go on about it. Instead I’ve been thinking about all the little things that I like about being part of a couple, and have come up with a list of my top seven more light-hearted reasons why I’m glad not to be single:

  1. You never have to worry about dating a man who twiddles the hair on his mole ever again.
  2. You have someone to warm your feet on in bed. My feet get painfully cold, so I really do like this one.
    "cup of tea"

    Tea for two

  3. You can order a take-away without either having to do a pathetic ‘meal for one’ or ordering too much and looking like a greedy pig.
  4. There is someone else in the house who will make you a cup of tea without huffing and puffing and complaining about never having asked to be born.
  5. When you’re really tired at bedtime you can just run upstairs really quickly and the other person has to turn off all the lights and check the doors.
  6. If you are feeling a bit sad, there is someone around who will notice and give you a cuddle.
  7. You can sigh heavily and look wearily at a full bin/overgrown lawn/empty fridge and someone will probably do something about it.

Seriously, what’s not to love? What are your best bits about being in a relationship?

Photo credit – hellojenguine

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This week I have spent a significant amount of time on Sarah Beeny’s dating website My Single Friend.

I’m not looking to get rid of New Boyfriend already, (what with being rather fond of him and everything) – I’m actually looking for a special someone for my friend Jacqueline.*

The idea of My Single Friend is that you get a friend to recommend you and the whole thing is slightly less like a painful self-marketing exercise. The principle is sound, but don’t be fooled. It’s basically a way for your single friend to get you to do all the work for them.

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This week, one of my favourite bloggers, Mommy has a Headache, tagged me in a post, asking me to come up with my recipe for a perfect man – the top ten things I look for in a potential partner. As she pointed out, it could be great advertising after all. If you can tick seven or more, please invite me out for dinner.

I fully appreciate of course that my Mr Right will very likely match up to none of these things. I have been in a flighty mood this week though, so I was glad of an excuse not to do some real work. So, here goes:

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How many days do you leave it before you call?

How long should you leave between relationships?

Can love survive over long distances?

How many dates before your first kiss? How many more before you sleep with someone new?

How big an age gap is too big?

How many sexual partners should you aspire to as a man? How many is it acceptable to admit to as a woman?

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I was talking to a male friend at the weekend about infidelity and he came out with a rather shocking statement.

He said that the only thing that stopped men from cheating on their partners was the possibility of getting caught. He reckoned that if there was a guarantee that the wives and girlfriends would never find out, that ONE HUNDRED PERCENT of men would cheat.

I will say that again just in case you didn’t hear me properly – ONE HUNDRED PERCENT.

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I’m a sucker for a decent chick flick, and I really enjoyed the film version of ‘He’s Just Not That Into You’, so when I saw a copy of the book at a boot sale at the weekend for 20p – well, what could I do? We know I need all the dating help I can get.

The premise is this – if a man wants to ask you out, he will ask you out.

That’s it really. (I never said it was complicated). The authors claim that if a guy really likes you, he will find a way to get in touch, he will call when he says he will, he will want to have sex with you and he will ultimately want to marry you. If he fails to come good on any of these points, ever, then you face the facts – he’s just not that into you.

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I’m supposed to be on a date right now.

I chickened out.

I feel bad about it, ashamed, like a child who’s scared to make new friends, especially given all the hard work everyone put in helping me create my online dating profile. The trouble is, although you got my requirements spot on, you missed one crucial ‘must-have’ for my ideal man.

‘Must creep up on me slowly, catch my eye in a bookshop, be the last person in the world I expect to fall in love with.’ Pathetically romantic I know, but there you go.

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