“Where do babies come from?’

“Why does it get dark at night?”

“What sort of tree is that?”

“Why don’t we fall off the earth when we are upside down?”

Some of these sort of parenting questions I find easier to answer than others. My tree knowledge for example is pretty poor, unless there’s something obvious like a conker happening. I swear that when I used to ask my mum questions like this, she knew the answer to everything. The older I get though, the more I wonder if actually she was bluffing a lot of the time, and that if you say pretty much anything to a child in a confident voice, they will believe you.

(See ‘5 things my mum told me that probably aren’t true’ for further evidence.)

I had sort of assumed that as your children grew up, became adults, left home, got jobs etc, that they would stop asking a list of questions like this. I was wrong. Bee claims she is ‘slightly too old to Google things as a first instinct’ and so instead she texts me her question.

Recently they have included:

“How do I cook stir fry?”

“How much is a first class stamp?”

“Do you think I’m having a stroke?”

And, most recently, this:

 

I do actually quite like the watering can analogy, because it does work a bit like that, although, as I went on to explain, it doesn’t come from one big tank like a watering can, but is a complex system of ducts, that all come out in the same area.

I love it of course that she still asks me questions, (and that she thinks I might know the answers), and all the more so because I know that it’s partly just a reason to be in touch. I’m a bit rubbish at communicating generally, (with individual people rather than Twitter), and so it’s good that one of us takes the initiative.

And texting is so easy isn’t it? Which is good, because Bee doesn’t know how much a stamp costs.

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If I had to think quickly about one moment in my life that had changed its course for ever, it would be tempting to focus straight away on the whole ‘pregnant at 16’ thing.

Yeah, I know, having a baby at 17 in the middle of your A-levels is a pretty big deal, (insert subtle link to teenage birth story here), but what about the smaller events, the ones you don’t thing of as being important at the time? I found a photo recently that made me think about one seemingly small decision that ended up having a huge impact on my life.

Belle was just a few weeks old, (I was 24 this time around, still fairly young), and things weren’t going altogether as well as I had hoped. Bee had been a ‘good’ baby in the ‘sleep through the night, be held by anybody’ sense and of course at the time I had smugly put it down to my ‘relaxed parenting style’. Oh how everyone must have laughed when Belle came along. View Post

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This may seem a bit of an odd one, but bear with me. I have a bit of a soft spot for ARDO as when Belle was born, (and they were called something else), we lived about two minutes walk from their head offices in Taunton and I was always popping in for much needed nipple cream.

Ah, the stories I could tell you about my cracked nipples.

When Belle was a few months old and the cracks were healing nicely, I started training as a breastfeeding counsellor, and breastfeeding became a big part of my live for a long time. I won’t bore you with the details, but you can read a bit more of my story over on the ARDO blog if you feel so inclined. View Post

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As some of you may know, underneath my heart-of-stone, gin-swilling exterior, I have decidedly hippyish, earth-mother type tendencies. I hardly ever make Belle have a bath and I breastfed her until she was two and a half! I know, shocking isn’t it? An ongoing supply of free nutrition that helps protect against infection, obesity and can raise your IQ? Whatever will nature think up next.

"Musings on Motherhood"I’m currently reading ‘Musing on Motherhood – About Pregnancy, Birth and Breastfeeding: An Anthology of Art, Poetry and Prose’ – edited by Teika Bellamy – and it is absolutely fabulous. As it says on the tin, it’s a collection of writing and art from real mothers, talking about what it’s really like to be a mother – not just the practicalities of never being able to go to the toilet alone, but the emotions and feelings that swell up in you at the most unexpected of times and the amazing bond you form with your baby, even though they’re basically just a helpless ball of mess and screams.

Some of the poetry I had to sort of pretend to read, but that’s just because I’m a bit thick and don’t really understand poetry. Any mum though I’m sure could relate to this one by Marija Smits:

The Cold Cup of Tea

An already-cold cup of builder’s strength tea
Is sat by the sink, and saying to me:
‘I’m delicious, delightful, so drink me up do!’
But I’m knee-deep in nappies, and children, and poo;
So call me again when I’ve sorted this mess
And have time to relax, and unwind and de-stress…

*

Later, much later, when the kids are asleep,
In my nightie and slippers I quietly creep
To the kitchen, and there is that cold cup of tea,
Still delicious, still delightful, and still waiting for me…

….

What I love about Musings on Motherhood is that it gives you the opportunity to take a bit of time out from actually being a mother, and think about what it means – what is it that defines us as mothers, what are the shared experiences and emotions we all go through?

For me, it’s hard to pin down exactly what being a mother is all about. I became pregnant for the first time when I was 16, so hadn’t even really started to figure out what it meant to be a person, let alone a mother. My identity as a parent is so integral to who I am as an adult woman then, that I can’t even begin to separate out what it means. I have never been a grown-up and not been a mother, it is just who I am.

What does being a mother mean to you?

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There has been a lot of talk this week about the cover of Time Magazine showing a mum breastfeeding her three year old son.

Are you Mom enough?

Are you Mom enough?

 

What exactly is the question here?

Are you Mom enough to continue to provide your child with vital nutrients just because they can walk unadided now?

Are you Mom enough to offer your child a source of comfort and security?

Are you Mom enough to want to protect your child from infections and allergies?

Well yes I am. Thank you very much.

I breastfed Belle until she was two and a half years old. I’d do the same again, for longer if I felt like it. I’m not ashamed of it because IT IS NORMAL.

Breastfeeding upside down

Belle gets experimental on her first birthday. This perhaps is not so normal. Swallowing upside down isn’t easy.

 

So here’s what I think – breastfeeding a three year old is normal and something to be proud of. There is no evidence at all that breastfeeding an older child does them any harm, physically or emotionally. In fact the opposite is true.

Discuss.

Go on, I dare you.

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