I’m a big believer in talking about stuff, particularly the stuff that traditionally we’ve been encouraged to keep to ourselves, like mental health concerns. Today I have an interview with Dr Mark Winwood, Director of Psychological Services, AXA PPP healthcare. (Find them on Twitter and Facebook.)

I hope you find it useful. Please do leave a comment and share your own experiences if you would like to. 

how to cope with anxiety and depression

How many people in the UK experience stress, anxiety or depression every year or at some point in their life?

Research has revealed that up to 5 million people suffer from anxiety disorders in the UK, and it was the second most prevalent mental illness reported amongst adults in 2014¹ – so we’re looking at a big problem here. It’s likely that you’ll know someone suffering from mental ill health at some point in your life. We know that one in four people experience a mental health problem in any year. Prevalence is different depending on gender women are more likely than men (33% compared with 19%) to report ever having been diagnosed with a mental illness².

If people haven’t experienced mental ill health themselves, it can be difficult to understand, and you get a lot of ‘pull yourself together’ and ‘cheer up’ attitudes toward the illness. Is there any element of this that’s good advice? To what extent should we take responsibility for ‘pulling ourselves together’?

Taking responsibility for how you are feeling is a step in the right direction, but if you are experiencing the symptoms of anxiety or depression, don’t trivialise it – seek professional help, or begin by talking about your feelings with someone you trust. It can be very difficult to explain mental ill health to those that haven’t experienced it; and this is part of the stigma we are trying to tackle.

What’s the first thing someone should do if they are worried that they are experiencing stress, anxiety or depression?

I would recommend they talk to a medical professional. If that seems too daunting, or too big a step; take it slowly. Do some research first and talk to someone you trust about how you are feeling. From there you can slowly build up to seeking expert advice.

How helpful is medication?

Medication can be helpful for some people – in some cases, anti-depressants can help those experiencing anxiety and depression. For individuals who have panic attacks beta blockers can be prescribed to help. Talking therapies are also sometimes recommended for mental health issues and can be very successful when combined with medication.

Are mental health issues like depression and anxiety genetic in any way? Or do we learn certain behaviours if we have grown up with them?

We do not know for sure what causes someone to experience mental ill health, but it could be linked to a variety of factors including our genetics, family history, lifestyle and life events. Going through a stressful life event such as a divorce, bereavement or redundancy or having money worries can trigger mental health issues, as well as more traumatic experiences such as being in a car crash or a fire. A life event trigger may more significantly impact those with a family/genetic predisposition.

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I’ve been wanting to write a blog post for a few days now, but am finding it hard to think about anything other than panicking and wanting to lie down and quietly read a book, or be asleep, expect perhaps not the asleep bit because then I wake up and get the rush of adrenalin and fear that makes my hands and feet go cold and my chest feel tight.

And that’s not very jolly is it?

That’s not the witty, light entertainment you’ve come to expect from me, and so I don’t know whether or not to share it.

People are always saying that the posts they like best are the really personal ones, that I write just about me, but when you’ve built a character for yourself online, or even in real life, who is chirpy and funny and in control, you wonder whether people really want to hear the angst ridden moments, or whether they’d rather not, thank you very much.

But I’m going to write about it anyway, and then maybe I will publish it or maybe I won’t, but I’m sure I can’t be the only person who feels like this sometimes, so perhaps it will be helpful. View Post

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I did two things yesterday.

I mean, dur, obviously I did more than two actual things – I got up and showered and got dressed and everything like that. What I meant was that I did two things – two activities that stood out, stuff I don’t do in a regular day.

Thing one – I went out in the evening to the 10Radio studios in Wiveliscombe, where I’m a community radio volunteer, and delivered a Twitter workshop to about 20 other volunteers. I had slides and everything.

Thing two – I went to the launderette for a service wash.

(I know right? I’m living the absolute dream. If you have ever felt like jacking in your well-paid, full-time job and embracing the life of a freelancer, this is going to be that moment – the tipping point you look back on for years to come, when you decided that yes, it was the life for you.)

Standing up in front of a room full of people and talking about Twitter for 40 minutes was easy peasy. I was looking forward to it if anything. It’s something I’ve done quite a bit of, I know my stuff, and I love being the centre of attention. Ace.

The launderette though… View Post

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I read an analogy the other day that compared the human condition to an airplane’s flight path. It had a picture – a straight line overlaid with a wavy line, so that although both lines ended up at the same place, they only crossed briefly on certain parts of the curve. Flying a plane apparently is a constant series of adjustments; watching the monitors, being aware of conditions around you and tweaking your direction. You end up in the right place but for around 90% of the time you’re actually heading in the wrong direction.

The important thing though is that this is OK. This is a normal way to fly.

Life is like flying a plane

I loved this analogy as I’m currently coming to terms with the idea that this is also a normal way to live. It may sound a bit stupid and naive, but I’m not sure I have ever really accepted it until now. I feel like I’ve always been striving for one ideal state, and not even always the same one. Sometimes I’ve wanted simple contentment, that feeling you get occasionally when you are washing up and you look out of the window whilst drying a cup and smile, just because you feel pretty pleased with your lot. Sometimes it’s more extreme and I crave an all-absorbing happiness, an overwhelming something that comes only fleetingly and often isn’t really happiness at all. Those tend to be the times I end up doing something stupid or falling in love with someone inappropriate because I decide that the dream state is one full of intense emotions and feelings, that contentment isn’t good enough. View Post

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So, here I am.

I have been officially single for roughly 25 days now and it’s starting to feel like it might all be OK after all.

The brain is a funny thing isn’t it? A few weeks ago, lying on my sister’s spare bed, sobbing into a snotty sleeve, I genuinely couldn’t imagine a time when I would ever feel excited or happy or even vaguely content ever again, about anything, ever. I’m generally a very positive person, and so any sort of intense emotion tends to catch me off guard and I panic – I literally did not know what to do with the sadness.

Smile

Me looking positive to prove it

And by panic I do actually mean panic.

It was only a couple of weeks ago that I woke up in a hotel in Manchester, (knowingly, not because of some weird anxiety induced adventure), and could barely catch my breath, let alone imagine how I would be able to give a keynote speech at a conference that morning.* I made myself get out of bed and into the shower, but couldn’t seem to stop the tightness in my chest or the tears escaping. It felt so all encompassing that it was almost impossible to be anything other than totally consumed in the moment, unable to imagine any time other than right then, in my head. Now I appreciate that a lot of people live with far more serious anxiety and depression every single day but for me, who really doesn’t, it was terrifying to feel so out of control of my own emotions.

Managing to get dressed, one item carefully at a time, but unable even to eat breakfast, (usually my best bit in a hotel so a clear sign that something was up), I started to panic about the future – if I couldn’t stop crying to eat some toast how would I ever be able to hold down a job? Would I have to just stay in bed forever? Who would look after Belle?

I was in a bit of a sorry state.

I carried on though, slowly, just thinking about one little thing at a time and lo and behold, no letters of resignation were required. For the last few days I have woken up and felt briefly fed up, but only because it is 6.40am and I would rather be asleep. I have stopped scrutinising my feelings every minute of the day, picking at every negative thought just in case it means something.

In some ways I feel guilty, like I should have felt much worse for much longer, but then who’s to say that I won’t feel bad again? Right now though, things feel OK. I’m not about to start shaving my legs or anything crazy – I shan’t be signing up to Match.com any time soon – but things feel OK.

It seems I really am a positive person – apparently I can’t help but bounce back.

*Apologies to anyone at Blog On if I seemed a little distracted or blotchy of face during the day. 

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Events and conversations have been conspiring lately to force me to think about how I work.

“Sometimes I listen to the things you are doing,” a friend said to me recently, in a tentative but ultimately kind way, ” and I do wonder why on earth you are doing it.”

Do this sound like you?

It could be that you are a busy fool. It’s a common disease, particularly prevalent amongst small business owners and freelancers, especially those prone to panic about cash flow. I suspect also that more women suffer from it that men. View Post

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The new term is just around the corner. Thank goodness. Belle is really lovely company, but she misses the structure and stimulation of school, and by the end of the holidays is a little on the twitchy side to say the least.

This year is her last year of primary school, and come September she will be moving up to big school. Weird, given she still feels so small to me. I know it’s going to be a massive step for her, and I want to make sure she is prepared for the change in workload and routine. How will she cope with the change, the move to a massive school and all the homework?

I’ve been rooting around on the interweb and come up with my favourite ideas to help support children at school. Do you have children who are moving or have recently moved to secondary school? Please share your top tips to help Belle settle in and do well.

Build confidence
Moving to a new school can be really scary, but if you can help build up your child’s self-esteem beforehand, they’ll find it easier to be themselves, make friends, and be less likely to join gangs, bully others, or be bullied themselves. There are lots of ways you can increase self-confidence – from just paying them more compliments, to getting them involved in a hobby or sport where they can nurture a talent or develop a new skill.

Get to grips with the basics
Although as parents we worry about the big picture, kids are often more anxious about seemingly trivial things like what they will have to wear, how to find their way around, and where they are meant to go for lunch. Do everything you can beforehand to help them feel confident about the logistics – walk the route to school with them a few times, find a map of the school if you can, and find out online about start and finish times, uniform requirements and what equipment they need.

"Secondary school"

Children need all the latest gadgets and equipment

 

Don’t be afraid to ask for help
This is something children struggle with a lot. Nobody wants to be the kid who is always sticking their hand up and saying they don’t understand do they? I try to teach my children that there is no such thing as a stupid question – chances are if they are thinking it, so are plenty of other kids in the class, kids who will be grateful if someone else is brave enough to speak up. If your child does struggle with something, they can always talk to a teacher after class. Lots of schools will offer extra help if you just ask, or you can always look for external support from a personal tutor or online tutoring.

Get involved
This is something I’m a bit rubbish at, but a lot of children do like it if you make an effort to get involved with their school life. This could be anything from helping them to plan their homework schedule to becoming a parent governor and finding out more about how the school runs. Don’t get too involved though. No child wants their parent popping into their classroom every day or turning up at school assembly to demonstrate their accordion playing skills.

Disclosure

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Yesterday I read back through some diary entries from last year. I use ‘diaries’ in the loosest possible sense of the word – unpunctuated ramblings would probably be a better description.

What struck me though was the variation in my handwriting over just the space of a week. I can remember how I felt in this particular week, and my handwriting, even without reading the words, gives you an instant picture of my frame of mind.

One entry, wich I remember writing late at night in a mild state of anxiety, is barely legible. Letters are scrawled, racing to get onto the paper, tumbling over each other to make themselves heard and getting muddled, unsure of which words they are meant to be forming.

The spaces between each word are blurred and haphazard, and the pressure is uneven – big splotches of ink in some places, faint traces of letters in others. The words themselves form nervous, short sentences, frequently stopping and starting, changing their mind and starting again. The message is clear, both visually and in the language itself – I am uncertain. I do not know how to proceed.

What does my handwriting mean?

Another entry, a few days later, is completely different. It is as though the words have said to themselves ‘right girls, we need to pull ourselves together and stand up straight. No more running about all over the place, let’s get things sorted.’

Letters are formed with slow careful strokes, like an eight year old writing in best. Many of the words are written in clear, bold print, none of the letters joined together.

The entry is less a stream of consciousness and more of a list, setting myself tasks to achieve, wanting to proves that I am in control, of my handwriting if nothing else…

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Do you remember a few weeks ago when I got my contraceptive implant taken out? You may not have wanted to know about it, but I told you anyway, and there you were, stuck with it.

I’d been wondering for some time about the impact it had been having on my emotional and physical health, having had it for six years, and I wanted to give you an update, to let you know if I’ve been feeling any different.

Oh

My

God

I feel like a different person. Seriously. Aside from the fact that I want to have sex with pretty much everyone I see (it did say it could suppress your libido, but this is ridiculous…), aside from that, I just feel like ME again. I’ve always tended to be the jolly one of the family, and the growing anxiety and nagging melancholy I’ve felt over the last year or so has felt all wrong.

But now..

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