“Can you cut my hair for me?”
We’ve just had tea and are about to watch an episode of Hercule Poirot. I had been planning to not move much for at least the next hour.
“I want it to look like this,” she says, handing me her phone. This is what she showed me:
How hard can this be?
Now I am not a hairdresser.
At this point Bee has a jaw length straight bob as this is a variant of the only haircut I can do. I’m always up for a challenge though, so sent Belle to fetch some scissors.
I can do bobs, between shoulder and jaw length, fringe optional.
She sits between my legs on the floor, a towel around her shoulders. In one hand she has a brush, in the other her phone with the required haircut on it. “Shall I hold it up for you?”
“Sure,” I say, and try to imagine that the scissors are a pencil, and that copying a haircut is just like copying a picture. Loads of people are hairdressers right? How hard can it be?
For the first five minutes or so I am mildly hysterical. I have literally no idea where to start and begin by just grabbing handfuls of hair and chopping them off. I’m aiming for short, so this seems a sensible approach. Bee starts to look worried by the hysteria, so I try to control myself.
“Should I do some layers?” I ask.
“I guess so,” says Bee.
“How?” I say.
“I don’t know, I guess you just pick bits up and cut them shorter? Shall I look it up on YouTube?”
“No, that’s OK, I’ll just give it a go,” I say, picking up a chunk of hair and cutting it shorter than the rest before my nerve fails me. “Well,” I say, “you have a layer now.”
“One layer?” Bee asks, anxiety in her voice.
“I’m going to try and sort of blend it in a little more,” I add before she cries.
The next twenty minutes or so pass in a blur of haphazard chopping and trying not to laugh, but by the end I feel I’ve done a pretty good job. The different sides don’t exactly look the same, but then her ears are different shapes, which isn’t my fault.
This is Bee taking a little arty shot of herself for Instagram. She has scruffed it up a little bit. What do you reckon?
It’s good to know that if my copywriting work dries up I can fall back on a career in hairdressing.