I had a phone call this week. It was annoying as I had a mouth full of pea shoots and had to munch them up and swallow them quickly. When I answered I discovered it TOTALLY wasn’t worth it.

‘Hello,’ said the voice on the other end, which sounded like a robot but wasn’t, ‘I’ve been informed you’ve been in a car accident that wasn’t your fault, is that correct?’

I gasped in horror, as though I was being told this news for the first time and had suddenly realised that my legs were trapped. ‘Who informed you?’ I asked.

‘When did the accident take place?’ asked the not robot.

‘That’s not really an answer is it?’ I said. ‘I asked who informed you?’

Silence, and then the dial tone.

I was quite disappointed as I was on my lunch break with time to kill and had been keen to string it out for a bit. Since the call I’ve been considering alternative responses, and have had a few suggestions from Twitter, so I’ve compiled a list for you of alternative things to say the next time someone calls to tell you that they’ve been informed that you’ve been in a car accident. You might want to print off this list and keep it by the phone so it’s handy.

You’re welcome.

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I currently have three mobile phone contracts.

EE home broadband

From the amount I spend on phones every month you might imagine I have some kind of secret, shady double life, but I don’t, I just have two children.

All three of my phone contracts are with EE, but even though that should probably make me a bit of an EE expert, I’d never considered EE for my home broadband before. I actually didn’t even know they did home broadband.

Sorry about that EE. My bad.

It’s stupid of me really, as one of the perks of EE broadband is that you get an extra 5GB of data every month on your EE pay monthly mobile data allowance, which is worth £10 a month. I do often go over my data allowance, especially if I’m out of the office a lot, so this would be very handy for me.

That’s reason number one for switching to EE home broadband.

So what else? View Post

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I was in two minds about telling this story, as there isn’t a really funny punchline or anything, but then I remembered that while I had my legs in the air I told the doctor and the nurse that I would be writing an account of it on my blog – I gave them the address and everything – and I didn’t want to disappoint them.

So. My cervix.

It’s always been a little elusive, as you may remember from this post I wrote about a smear test. This one was way back in 2010, but it’s very funny so you should definitely read it. (I HAVE had a smear test in between, just in case you were worried about me.)

Anyway, I’ve been have a few issues with random bleeding, and although I’m very much of the ‘have a snack and a lie down’ school of thought when it comes to any kind of ailment, Fiance insisted I get it checked. (Because he cares, I know…) The GP said that she thought I probably just had a ‘fragile cervix’, which immediately created an image in my mind of my cervix sobbing quietly to itself as it watched a family reunion on a TV chat show, but that she’d refer me for a closer look just in case.

OH JOY.

cervical exam

Image b

(I searched the word ‘speculum’ for a suitably scary image to go in here, and it came up with this picture of a pigeon, which I thought was much nicer. Apparently ‘the speculum is a patch, often distinctly coloured, on the inner remiges of some birds.’ I have tagged the image ‘cervical exam’ though, as a nice surprise for anyone googling that.) View Post

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A month or so ago Fiancé had labyrinthitis. It’s that horrid thing that makes you feel like you’re on board a ship in the middle of a terrible storm, and you’re meant to stay lying down for pretty much all of the time until it passes.

Fiancé is a boy though, so he thought he had special spider powers that meant he could keep getting up and doing things like hanging out washing.

He couldn’t, which he proved when he actually did try to hang some washing out, and fainted, crushing our indoor clothes airer in the process. For a little while we propped it up against the coffee table, managing to make do with just three legs, and then I got an email from Brabantia asking if I wanted a clothes airer to help promote their #LoveNature campaign and all was well.

What is the Brabantia #LoveNature campaign?

The Brabantia #LoveNature campaign is a collaboration with WeForest, where for every wallfix, rotary dryer or drying rack sold, Brabantia plants a tree in Africa’s Great Green Wall.

Brabantia has planted a whopping 800,000 trees so far with WeForest and they want to make it to a million.

If, like me, you hadn’t heard of the Great Green Wall, then you need to have a watch of this video. It’s essentially a hugely ambitious and symbolic project with the aim of building a wall of trees the entire width of Africa. It’s a pretty incredible thing.

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I had a bit of an embarrassing moment about 12 years ago when a man came to the door of my house at about 1am, thinking I was a prostitute.

His English wasn’t good, so there was some confusion while he tried to invite himself in and I wondered what on earth was going on.

‘For sex?’ he kept saying, much to my utter bemusement.

‘What?’ I replied, unhelpfully.

‘I come in for sex?’ he kept repeating.

It was all a bit awkward.

Finally he pointed up to Bee’s bedroom window, where I could see that she had left her light on. She was about nine years old and had bought this red light bulb from B&Q for some reason, and had gone to sleep with it on. We lived in a family terraced house in a nice part of a small Somerset town, off the main road, but apparently the logical conclusion to jump to was that I was running a brothel.

So that was a lesson learnt for everyone.

Technology has come a long way since my light bulb/sex worker incident, so I wasn’t deterred when TP-Link got in touch to see if I fancied trying some of their smart Wi-Fi LED bulbs.

Yeah yeah, I know what you’re thinking: light bulbs, that’s hardly the sexiest of topics is it? Well you’re wrong, because these bulbs are AWESOME.

The first one we tried was the smart Wi-Fi LED bulb with colour changing hue.

TP-Link smart bulb colour changing

I’m not sure how it works exactly – I think it’s actual magic – but all you have to do is pop it into your light socket, as you would a normal bulb, follow the instructions to connect it to an app on your phone and TADA! View Post

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