First up, I know. I know I shouldn’t shop at Amazon and that if I have a problem with Amazon packaging then I should go to my local shop with a string bag and chat to the greengrocer and generally be a better person. But I’m not, so let’s get over that. Sometimes I just don’t have time.
Okay, so Amazon packaging.
I have two issues.
Firstly, what’s with the tape designed to slice off your fingers??
I’m picturing a big meeting room with one of those annoying glass tables where you’re afraid to put your mug down in case you smash it. This is how I imagine the conversation going:
‘So, packaging ideas – hit me with them.’
‘Guys! I know what we should do! We should add some hidden cheese wire to our tape, so that the next time someone innocently slides their finger underneath it to try and open their parcel, they’ll just be left in a bloody mess!’
‘Genius! Then they’ll have to order antiseptic wipes and plasters – the ultimate upsell!’
It doesn’t stop there though. If you can actually open your parcel without hospitalising yourself then you’re in for a second treat.
It looks something like this:
What’s that you say? That looks just like a massive box full of scrunched up paper?
It does rather doesn’t it?
Pull out the entire tree’s worth of paper though and inside you’ll find… what? A single book? A pencil? A box of tic tacs?
Seriously Amazon – what the hell is the matter with you? Why do you feel the need to send everything in boxes as big as the world when you know then you just have to fill them all up with paper??
It drives me nuts.
*orders colouring book from Amazon to calm down*