Someone asked me this week what I was looking for in a man.
I started thinking about it – because I do want someone in my life – and began reeling off a list of the things I thought were important to me. It was the usual stuff, the sort of thing anyone would say; honesty, loyalty, company, compassion. It was kind of a dull list. I tried to think a little broader. I decided it was important to me to have a partner that listened to me, that took a genuine interest in my life and my interests and who wasn’t afraid to challenge me, emotionally and intellectually.
Still it didn’t feel right. When you think about it like I was, it somehow becomes a to-do list. It felt like I was creating a sort of relationship check list, a template against which I would be marking a future partner regularly to see how they were performing.
That isn’t what I want though, obviously.
I tried to distil it down.
‘I want them to be nice,’ I thought to myself. Well, that’s all well and good, but there are plenty of nice people around, it has to be more than that.
‘I want them to love me,’ I thought. Getting there. But still, I have been loved by people in the past and it hasn’t made everything OK.
‘I want them to love me enough,’ I decided.
All I want in a partner is for them to love me enough that all of the other things come naturally. I want a man who is honest with me because he loves me enough to respect me and not even think of hiding anything from me. I want a man who wants to challenge me and nurture me and take care of me because he loves me and it is instinct, not because of a sense of obligation or a list of requirements.
I want a man who loves me with a passion that means he will do whatever it takes to make sure we stay together, however annoying I might sometimes be or whatever issues I might have, and I want to love him back the same way.
Is that too much to ask?