How I came full circle and I became a slummy single mummy again

When I started my blog in 2009 I was genuinely a slummy single mummy, evenings spent at home alone watching Sex and the City, avoiding the dishes wherever possible. Not long after though, I met someone.

That someone became Boyfriend.

“Are you going to change your blog name now?” he asked me at one point, a few months into our relationship.

“No,” I said. “That’s the brand. Sshh.”

I’ve never blogged much about Boyfriend, preferring to keep him secret and special, so much of my life revealed online, but he very quickly became a hugely important part of me and we have been living together for nearly three years.

Today Boyfriend moved out.

We decided that we wanted different things. Clichéd but true? I don’t even know any more. We talked about it so much that I can’t remember whether I was really ever unhappy or whether we’re simply the victims of society making us believe that the only relationship worth having is one in which both parties feel blissfully happy and satisfied at all times. Heaven forbid there be work involved.

What I do know is that I feel gutted – literally empty. I’m in that weird limbo between not wanting to talk about it but at the same time being able to think of nothing else and wanting to tell everyone I see. How can they not tell just from passing me in the street that my heart is broken? How can it be that the world carries on as normal? I mainly say nothing, sometimes doing a brave little smile or sighing loudly.

Unfortunately neither the smiles or the sighs translate well into blog posts or pithy social media updates, so I may be a little quiet for a while.* Sorry about that. I hope that normal service will be resumed soon, in all senses.

*Apart obviously from all the sponsored posts I have scheduled. I need to earn a living after all to pay for all the gin and ice cream I will need to temporarily fill the void.

33 Comments

  1. Lisa {Sweet 2 Eat Baking} 19 April, 2014 / 10:15 pm

    Oh Jo, I’m so sorry. I don’t have words of wisdom for you, but I do want to give you a big virtual hug. I didn’t know boyfriend existed. Perhaps I just assumed he didn’t after I the dating post a while back.

    If you need me for anything, even a rant, I’m there for you. {{{hugs}}}.
    Lisa {Sweet 2 Eat Baking} recently posted…Earl Grey Tea CupcakesMy Profile

  2. Sezz 19 April, 2014 / 10:16 pm

    Oh pants. Sorry to read this. I prescribe Gin, ice cream (cookie dough obvs) and Mr Big on repeat. x

  3. Michelle 19 April, 2014 / 10:18 pm

    So sorry to read this :( I really hope you feel better soon xx

  4. Bex
    Twitter:
    19 April, 2014 / 10:20 pm

    Thank goodness it is Easter tomorrow and you have the best excuse ever to fill your house with chocolate! Hope you are ok x x
    Bex recently posted…The Mummy AdventureMy Profile

  5. Millie 19 April, 2014 / 10:29 pm

    So, so sorry, that is very sad. Sending hugs and we are here for you whenever you want xxx

  6. Mell 19 April, 2014 / 10:49 pm

    I have done it after 12 years with two girls it hurts but you get through icecream yes but gin depressive drink big hugs don’t sit in brooding try to occupy your time good luck xxxxxxxx

  7. Simon Howes
    Twitter:
    19 April, 2014 / 11:01 pm

    This is when the internet is really strange, while I feel I know you because of all the candour and sharing in your blog etc, I actually don’t really know you. That doesn’t stop me feeling bad for you though. No matter how amicable, a break up is a crappy thing to go through, so lots of sympathy, happy vibes and virtual ice cream heading your way! Lean on your children, they are surprisingly strong at times like this and I’m sure will be happy to support you! I hope you heal quickly and easily!

    Simon

    XxX

  8. Lela McTernan 20 April, 2014 / 1:46 am

    Hello, I attended a seminar you did at Ardman a few months ago and you are an awesome woman. It’s sad that it didn’t work out but have faith that you will meet someone that fits the bill if you want to and know that you are an inspiration to other women and foxy to boot xx

  9. Fritha 20 April, 2014 / 6:22 am

    Oh Jo I’m so sorry to hear this. Take some time and let me know if you ever fancy meeting up to drink gin xx
    Fritha recently posted…That time when I yelledMy Profile

  10. Chris Hutson 20 April, 2014 / 12:32 pm

    Hi Jo. I’ve been reading your blog for sometime and have seen you go through house moves you weren’t sure of and the start of the relationship with the Boyfriend. Sorry it didn’t work out for you both but better to part now than to start really hating each other and staying together cos you are frightened of not being with someone. I’m sure your girls and friends will help you through the hard times. Go talk about it drink gin, eat ice cream and plan nice things to look forward to in the future.

    Also carry on blogging! All us virtual friends are there for you too. X x x

  11. Lilinha Espindula
    Twitter:
    20 April, 2014 / 12:35 pm

    Oh sweetheart, I am sorry to hear! I am not very good at giving advices, but I’m great at giving cuddles and saying silly things. Please let me know if you need any of those. Lots of love xxx

  12. Amanda 20 April, 2014 / 1:41 pm

    Been though many break-ups and I know it never gets any easier but from those experiences at least I know that with time you feel less and less crap and eventually but it behind you (even though it always seems like it is worse than the previous time and you initially wonder if you will ever feel better!). But you always come through it a stronger person and sometimes end up doing things you may not have done while in a couple. Stick with it :-)

  13. Sue Robinson 20 April, 2014 / 2:10 pm

    There really is nothing anyone can say that will make you feel better…..but time and your kids will xx

  14. Lisa 20 April, 2014 / 2:33 pm

    I wish there was something to say to make you feel full and not empty. Normally I would just make your favorite baked treat, because at least your stomach would be full! I love your blog and will patiently keep my eye out for updates. Just know you are being thought of!
    Lisa recently posted…Pancakes at MidnightMy Profile

  15. marie horton 20 April, 2014 / 2:38 pm

    Right, here’s my essay.

    I’ve been in this situation. You feel like nothing will ever be the same again. My heart ached. The pain was unimaginable, and I don’t ever want to feel like that again. I felt like I could never have a normal life again and I was sinking big time. I thought about how I was going tocope seeing him with someone else, and tried to fake it everyday. But it does get easier. You will smile again and you will.get through this. I promise you. Take every day as it comes, get up tomorrow and paint that smile on. Sending you a huge squeeze xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  16. Sarah Bailey 20 April, 2014 / 2:54 pm

    So sorry to read this Jo :( *sending you big hugs and virtual ice cream* xxxx
    Sarah Bailey recently posted…#SilentSundayMy Profile

  17. Gemma 20 April, 2014 / 3:28 pm

    Sad times :( Hope you start feeling a bit perkier soon. x
    Gemma recently posted…Hoppy EasterMy Profile

  18. Honeybee 20 April, 2014 / 3:42 pm

    Hiya…I haven’t posted for a while but I do hope you work through all the ‘break-up’ phases in your own good time, in your own good way.

    Take care of yourself Jo.

  19. Helen
    Twitter:
    20 April, 2014 / 4:39 pm

    Oh no Jo, I’m so sorry to hear this… Hoping for much happier times ahead x

  20. Debs 20 April, 2014 / 6:02 pm

    Awww no! Sorry to read this. Break-ups are never easy but keep your chin up and things will be brighter again soon. Xx
    Debs recently posted…The Pop-up Tent and Me…My Profile

  21. Laura 20 April, 2014 / 6:33 pm

    I don’t have any words to make you magically feel better, but I hope you are bearing up OK under the circumstances. Do what you need to do to start mending your broken heart and we’ll all be right here waiting for you with big virtual hugs x
    Laura recently posted…Spring into Easter – cake pop style!My Profile

  22. Annwen
    Twitter:
    22 April, 2014 / 4:24 pm

    Aww man, sorry to hear that. I can’t pretend I understand, it’s a long time since I experienced a break up. What I can say is that ice cream and gin is a pretty good temporary solution and it will get better, it always does. In the meantime immerse yourself if work and Belle and anything that doesn’t allow you time to mope, moping is the worst and only serves to make you feel a lot worse xxx
    Annwen recently posted…The Tale Of a Little Boy and a LobsterMy Profile

  23. Lori
    Twitter:
    23 April, 2014 / 9:47 pm

    So sorry to read this Jo, I hope you’re doing ok. It’s shit because no matter what anyone says it doesn’t help, you just have to ride it out and surround yourself with good people xx
    Lori recently posted…A GOOD BOOK // BRILLIANTMy Profile

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