Now that’s a great title for a blog post isn’t it?
When Bee first told me she was gay, about a year ago, one of my very first thoughts (after some initial parental reassurance of course) was ‘Ooh, this would make a great blog post!’ Fortunately I have some shred of sensitivity and didn’t say anything at all until recently when Bee casually said ‘you should blog about that.’
Five magical words that mummy bloggers with older children hardly ever hear.
I’ve been living through a bit of an inner turmoil over the last few years. On the one hand I have been terrified of Bee getting pregnant and carrying on the whole teenage pregnancy cycle that I started 18 years ago, but on the other hand it is really tricky to go crazy with the whole ‘anti-pregnancy’ message when the person you are lobbying is the result of just such a incident.
It’s like saying ‘whatever you do, absolutely don’t let YOU happen to you!’
That would not be cool.
The thing is though, that although I absolutely do not for a second regret having Bee, I still want her to be free to explore and enjoy her teenage years and her time at university without the extra responsibility of having a toddler in tow. My early twenties were hard work – all well rewarded of course – I just want her to have an easy life and have plenty of fun.
Oh hello there – who is this adorable baby taking a ride in a teeny tiny sports car?
I digress.
The point of all that waffling was that when Bee came home from college crying a year ago I immediately thought ‘shit, she’s pregnant’. It had become a reflex reaction to any sign of distress, secretiveness or moodiness. While she sobbed quietly to herself I was already figuring out how I was going to manage with a baby sat next to me on the desk during the day while Bee went to lectures. My mind was whirring – would the baby sit nicely and look at an iPad or something while I worked? Would it mind coming to blog conferences with me? Perhaps if could be a new blogging niche – Slummy single grandmummy?
I think too much about blogging.
For an awkward ten minutes I tried to get out of her what the matter was.
“Just take a deep breath,” I told her, “and just blurt it out. You’ll feel much better afterwards.”
She cried a little bit more.
“Just tell me,” I said, mentally picking out the colours for the nursery.
She took a deep breath and looked up from her soggy tissue.
“I’m gay and I’ve known for ages and I’m in love with Katy”, she said, very quickly, as though it was all one word.
Oh the relief! I didn’t have to change my blog title after all.
Bee sounds like a girl that any Mum would be proud of…
but.. I really like Slummy single grandmummy, it has a nice ring to it…
I remember when James first told us that he was in a relationship with Jamie – it didn’t shock us at all and I was just glad he felt able to tell us. It is more of a worry when they are unhappy in any relationship – straight or gay. Well done you for just accepting her for the lovely young person she is.
Awesome post. What a top Mummy you are x
Oh Jo, I am like you and I do not care about the sexuality that my children might be. When I went in to hospital for my mastectomy and the boys were tiny I wrote them letters and made sure to make them gender neutral and instead of talking about them growing up, getting married and having children, I told them to find a partner that loved them.
oh what a cute baby in such a cool car ;)
love it. And what a fab relationship you have with Bee x
love this, it actually made me cry a little! I adore the relationship you two have, a sign of a great mummy and Bee is pretty much the coolest 18 year old I have met x
If only all parents were as accepting as you … My dad told me I was posessed by evil spirits and that I needed to go to church more..
This post was hilarious. I so love it that ypu’re thinking about blogging when your daughter comes out to you or you think she’s pregnant! Way to stick the middle finger up to our THIS PREGNANCY/SEXUALITY SHIT IS A BIG DEAL society. Like you, I think that any anti-pregnancy message should only be based on fun and not ‘ohmigodyoullruinyourlife’ or that over-20s pregnancy is superior (not that I’m saying you can’t have fun while being a mum especially if you’ve got someone to babysit).
Great post, sounds like you have a great relationship with your daughter x
Ah, great post! I really love that your girl was able to come out to you! I remember when my girl was 10 or 11 and she told me that she “had something to get off her chest”. I was fully prepared for her to tell me that she thought she might be gay.
Instead, she told me she might thought she might be a vampire. I think that the gay thing might have been easier to accept.
Fast forward 10 years, I’m open to anything she tells me…. although, she no longer claims to be a vampire. She seems very hetero.
I was touched by your post, and thank you for sharing! Accepting our kids for who they are is a wonderful thing… only wish more parents could do it!
My boys are late teens and I feel so happy that they are living in a more enlightened era. I hope Bee has stopped crying by now!!
I always told mine as long as they were happy that was all that mattered to me, straight or gay they are still the same person, your baby and you ,love them to bits regardless. Its nice when they feel secure enough to tell you.
One of my fave blog posts EVER!
Great post. My little sister is gay and was in such turmoil over telling our parents about her and her girlfriend (i knew first). It seems funny that it was ever even an issue as they are both such a big part of our family now. Like you say its just getting those words out….
I was pleased when Bee felt able to tell me she was gay, even though I missed my turning on one of the many roundabouts to Cribbs Causeway. I love and respect my oldest grand daughter and enjoy the relationship we have. xxxx
Love this post. I have no idea why but I had a little tear in my eye reading this. I hope Bee’s tears have dried and that first hurdle has cleared the way for her. X
Crying with laughter and Mummy love reading this. My daughter and son both 18 and blog posts are out of bounds for my son,daughter cool about them. I need to know what colours you were picking for the nursery though!!!!
Perfect post, thanks and to Bee for allowing you to blog!
Brilliant post, thank you to you and Bee for sharing. I hope Bee is OK now. I’ve mentioned the possibility of anyone being gay and that being fine etc etc frequently to my kids from when they were quite small. They’re now 10 and 15 and are bored by the subject.
Well, with being ‘Gay’, I always think of Tom Robinson, writer and singer of the 1970’s classic protest song, ‘Glad to be Gay’. Robinson, a longtime supporter and former volunteer of London’s Gay Switchboard help-line, was at a 1982 benefit party for the organisation and he met Sue Brearley; the woman with whom he would eventually live and have two children, and later marry. Robinson now describes himself as, “a gay man who happens to be in love with a woman”.
So, perhaps Bee would be better off not trying to pigeon hole herself with a category of her ‘current’ chosen sexuality, but seek to be forever a libertine and fall in love with ‘people’, be they male or female.
I do hope Bee is well and thank you so much an honest, revealing and interesting blog.
I loved reading this post. I would so be with you on that – much more practical in many ways :)
I’m so glad she was able to tell you and I hope life is easy on her
Everything about this post makes me smile :) And you are living proof that the media portray young parents in the wrong light. Because most of us rock, just like you have proven! :D
Great post and fantastic that she felt comfortable in telling you. My only hope for my children is happiness. Straight or gay doesn’t matter.
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brave daughter you have right there. Even better, she knew she could share this with you. :)
I love this post- and what a great relationship you have with your daughter. Good for you both! xx