Now that’s a great title for a blog post isn’t it?
When Bee first told me she was gay, about a year ago, one of my very first thoughts (after some initial parental reassurance of course) was ‘Ooh, this would make a great blog post!’ Fortunately I have some shred of sensitivity and didn’t say anything at all until recently when Bee casually said ‘you should blog about that.’
Five magical words that mummy bloggers with older children hardly ever hear.
I’ve been living through a bit of an inner turmoil over the last few years. On the one hand I have been terrified of Bee getting pregnant and carrying on the whole teenage pregnancy cycle that I started 18 years ago, but on the other hand it is really tricky to go crazy with the whole ‘anti-pregnancy’ message when the person you are lobbying is the result of just such a incident.
It’s like saying ‘whatever you do, absolutely don’t let YOU happen to you!’
That would not be cool.
The thing is though, that although I absolutely do not for a second regret having Bee, I still want her to be free to explore and enjoy her teenage years and her time at university without the extra responsibility of having a toddler in tow. My early twenties were hard work – all well rewarded of course – I just want her to have an easy life and have plenty of fun.
The point of all that waffling was that when Bee came home from college crying a year ago I immediately thought ‘shit, she’s pregnant’. It had become a reflex reaction to any sign of distress, secretiveness or moodiness. While she sobbed quietly to herself I was already figuring out how I was going to manage with a baby sat next to me on the desk during the day while Bee went to lectures. My mind was whirring – would the baby sit nicely and look at an iPad or something while I worked? Would it mind coming to blog conferences with me? Perhaps if could be a new blogging niche – Slummy single grandmummy?
I think too much about blogging.
For an awkward ten minutes I tried to get out of her what the matter was.
“Just take a deep breath,” I told her, “and just blurt it out. You’ll feel much better afterwards.”
She cried a little bit more.
“Just tell me,” I said, mentally picking out the colours for the nursery.
She took a deep breath and looked up from her soggy tissue.
“I’m gay and I’ve known for ages and I’m in love with Katy”, she said, very quickly, as though it was all one word.
Oh the relief! I didn’t have to change my blog title after all.