I got out of the shower, wrapped my hair up in a towel, and looked in the mirror.
(No, that wasn’t the horrible thing.)
I had some of yesterday’s mascara smudged under my left eye so I got a tissue and rubbed gently from the outer corner of my eye to my nose.
(The horrible thing is coming now.)
The skin under my eye creased up into the corner and stayed there.
I tried the other eye and it did the same, which at least meant I wasn’t having a stroke or anything. I tried again. For a good three seconds the skin stayed creased, only gradually smoothing itself back into place.
You can see how horrified I was:
I checked the rest of my reflection. Was it my imagination or was my skin suddenly more crepey, my jawline slacker, my breasts more National Geographicesque? I know I have a child going to university next month and everything but I am just not ready to be old. And yes, I know I don’t look ancient or anything, but that’s part of the problem – when you still sometimes get asked for ID to buy wine you convince yourself everything is fine and that you could absolutely definitely go to a university open day with your daughter and have people assume you are a student.
Let’s look at the evidence:
- I’m often too scared to use the phone in case a grown-up asks me a question I don’t know the answer too.
- Some episodes of Inspector Morse make me anxious about going to the toilet on my own.
- I like eating Haribo in bed.
I am clearly not old enough to have creased under-eyes. Something is most definitely amiss.