Guest post from the world’s most unlikely sex blogger

I should clarify – this is how she describes herself, not me passing judgment.

For a while now I’ve been following, in a completely non pervy way, the sexual exploits of Betty Herbert, whose blog has recently become a book – The 52 Seductions. I was absolutely delighted then when Betty agreed to be a guest on my blog, talking about her writing experiences.

She has also very generously offered to give away a signed copy of her book to one lucky reader, so if you fancy learning a few new moves, just leave a thoughtful comment on this post over the next week, and a winner will be picked at random. Over to Betty…

I am possibly the world’s most unlikely sex blogger.

Setting aside the fact that, when I started writing The 52 Seductions, I hadn’t had sex for four months, there were other issues that didn’t weigh in my favour. For example, I would cross the road to avoid anything vaguely sexy in books or on TV. And, frankly, I found adults who were ‘into’ sex more than a little bit creepy.

But then, those were the very issues that made me think I ought to take action. I had been with my husband Herbert for fifteen years and somehow, sex had become something of an embarrassment between us. It certainly hadn’t always been that way. But as the years passed, I began to feel like there was no place for sex in our happy, fraternal relationship. We just didn’t fit into the roles of lovers anymore.

That’s not to say that I didn’t miss sex – I did. It’s just that it seemed like an impossibility. Every few months, we’d both lament the lack of lust in our relationship, but neither of us had a clue how to fix it. And I felt sure that other people were going through the same thing – although every time I tried to start a conversation about it with friends, I was met with blank stares. Once married, it seems that sex becomes a secret.

But then, one night while staying in a hotel, we managed to break our dry spell – and it was good. So good, in fact, that it shook me into taking action. I couldn’t afford to lose this forever. The idea of seducing each other once a week for a year popped into my head unbidden, and seemed like an excellent plan, except for the fact that I knew we’d never stick to it.

That’s when I decided I’d have to blog about it. It was a way of holding myself accountable, and not allowing us both to discreetly ‘forget’ the whole project after a fortnight. And as it happened, my readers gave me so much more than I could ever have imagined. They doled out helpful tips, shared their own experiences, encouraged me to try harder, and occasionally told me off when I was being flaky.

Gradually, I became less horrified by the idea of sex. But still, I was always conscious that a few short months before, I would not have read my own blog. I now see that it’s because I was afraid of so many things – that I’d be shocked; that I’d be offended; that I’d feel inadequate and incompetent. The politics of sex in recent years had made me anxious. I needed to understand all over again that I could feel sexy to myself without being a Jordan-clone.

Nowadays, I’m prone to startling friends with conversational openers such as, ‘I just discovered this brilliant new range of vibrators!’ The old me would have run screaming for the hills. But the new me is just a bit more chilled. It’s still not the case that I’m up for anything, but now that I’ve got over my fears, I trust myself to say, ‘That’s not for me,’ rather than, ‘that’s disgusting!’

You can also find Betty on facebook and twitter

17 Comments

  1. 27 January, 2012 / 10:41 am

    That initial spark can get lost over time. You’ve got to keep those fires burning! Please enter me (double entendre purely coincidental!) @wendymcd83

    • 27 January, 2012 / 2:04 pm

      ‘Please enter me’ – is it wrong that I always have a little snigger to myself when I enter competitions and write that? *filthy mind*

  2. Nicky Richards
    27 January, 2012 / 10:54 am

    What a brilliant post. I admire anyone who can keep the “lust” going in a long term relationship and to be able to rekindle what was first there is a great achievement. It is too good to loose and takes alot of work, but i’m sure it’s worth it. Well done Betty!

    • 27 January, 2012 / 2:03 pm

      It is a great post isn’t it? Well done Betty indeed.

  3. Wenders
    27 January, 2012 / 11:43 am

    Sometimes in life, you happen to read something just at the right moment, when it’s exactly what you need to hear. This post has done that for me. Thank you.

    • 27 January, 2012 / 2:03 pm

      Very pleased to have been able to help.

  4. 27 January, 2012 / 2:45 pm

    Congratulations Betty! Glad you found your inner sex kitten without going the Jordan route. You are an inspiration to all of us.

  5. Caroline
    27 January, 2012 / 5:16 pm

    Wow wow wow, shall be checking out Betty’s blog. Please enter me as I would *love* to read this book ;)

  6. 27 January, 2012 / 8:54 pm

    you’ve summed up what i’ve been trying to articulate for a while. thank you.

    M2M

  7. Mummyjay
    28 January, 2012 / 10:39 am

    Brilliant, what a fabulous idea, it is so true, you get married, have kids and suddenly your sex life disappears. My husband and I came up with F&F night on Fridays, he would cook Fajita’s and well I’ll let you guess what the other ‘F’ stood for. It helped in our relationship for a good while whilst our boys were really young. Bravo for writing your story am sure it will inspire women all over the world!

  8. 28 January, 2012 / 11:35 am

    Loved this when I read it whilst in the soft play with the kids yesterday afternoon – which felt a bit wrong!

    Please enter me, I promise I’d only read it in the confines of home and not in inappropriate places!

  9. Tracey Belcher
    31 January, 2012 / 12:23 pm

    WOW – you really do speak the minds of hundreds and thousands of women out there! I really want to read this now! Please enter me into your fab competition to win a copy x

  10. 1 February, 2012 / 3:15 pm

    Just back from my hols – what a pleasure to read all your lovely comments! I must say I’m sniggering slightly at the phrase ‘please enter me’ – writing this book has truly ruined my innocence! I also LOVE the idea of an F&F night – must try that one myself….

    • 6 February, 2012 / 7:04 pm

      Oooh Betty – I’m the winner! So very excited to read your book – and with Valentines coming up too – super!

      Thanks again for fab competition.

  11. 17 April, 2012 / 7:55 pm

    I’ve only just started reading The 52 Seductions and it’s simply amazing, I keep picturing my parents as I’m reading which is no bad thing, I think they have had similar experiences in their relationship and have kept them fires burning throughout a 25 year relationship and are still going strong.

  12. 2 March, 2016 / 1:14 pm

    Loved reading your 52 seductions, and all I can say is wow you’ve really pointed out how women think. Thanks for sharing!

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